Do not speak unless it improves on silence. ~ Proverb

i can be heard yimmering on at the kids and dear hubby. i think i use too many words with them, as often what i am trying to convey gets lost in all the words. i read a parenting book a while ago, on the recommendation of a dear friend, the way of boys by anthony rao. a worthwhile read for anyone, but especially if you have a little guy around 3 years of age. in the book the author really makes a point about communicating well with your kids. short and concise is best. since reading the book, my talking has changed with bear specifically. i try and stick to the point without too many words, especially when i want him to do something like wash his hands before dinner, or tidy up his toys. 
bear yawns as an answer to a question and then completely ignores me.
mr. mischievous always going after my computer.
he knows he’s not supposed to touch my laptop, but he doesn’t care.

i am chatty. i like to talk, but i also like to listen. i enjoy a good conversation greatly, but have recently come to terms with the realization that bear is not chatty like me. he is more introverted, more quiet and subtle with his communicating, just like his dad. i have resigned asking about pre-school on the drive home as these one sided conversations only end up frustrating me. so, instead of sharing our morning experiences, we sit silently listening to the radio, each of us in our own worlds.

maybe with age this will change. maybe not.
lion, i think, will be my conversation partner.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.  ~ Horace

there are times when i am so exhausted and feel so beat down by the world, that not only do i say too many words, but i let the regrettable ones slip out too. those are the darkest and most shameful occasions of my parenting. i recognize that i am the adult, the parent, and should therefore, be setting the example of how to treat others with respect and care. there are no excuses and there is no justification, and all i can do is pick myself up from these low places and remind myself that next time i will try to handle things better. because, there will be a next time. you see, the life i lead is based on cycles and rhythms and with two little people in my life i am bound to be tested and pushed for many more years to come.
i cannot take back what i have said, but i can teach my children how to acknowledge and take responsibility for something hurtful they have said to someone. that is a tough lesson to learn and definitely a skill most adults should work on. it’s embarrassing to hold yourself accountable, but it’s mortifying to do it in front of your child. but i do it, because i have to take ownership of my mistakes and ask for forgiveness. right? how will i become a better mother, better person, if i can’t call myself on my own s#!t. 
don’t stand on the rocking chair!
it will be difficult to push the cart if you are standing on it.

i feel nervous about sharing this info with the world. but, i think parenting is full of dirty secrets that we are encouraged to hide in shame. this is my attempt to open up the dialogue and shatter the façades that parents don’t say terrible things to their kids. 

we all do it, but we just don’t talk about it.

xo, mama lola
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