coming full circle.

today is finland’s independence day. we lit our two white candles, listened to the national anthem and i shed a few tears for my motherland. man, i miss that place so much.

tomorrow i have a very important date with my tumour team in the big city. it’s my annual check up: that’s right, it’s been a year since my surgery. the anniversary passed quietly on november 12th, with only a quick mention to dear hubby and some quiet thoughts on my own. it’s been a wonderful year without the debilitating migraines and the handfuls of T3’s i would eat almost daily. 
it’ll be two years ago on december 18th that my family doctor phoned me at home and told me i had a tumour in my head and had to get to an opthamologist immediately. two years ago that my life changed in a way that i never could have predicted. december 21st will be two years since my first meeting with my neurosurgeon. we discussed the possibilities of surgery, but since i was only about 3 months pregnant with lion, everyone was unsure about what to do next. that holiday season of 2009 was really surreal and filled with fear. our families didn’t even know i was pregnant until we formally announced it at each family’s christmas dinner. first we discussed the horror of the tumour and then we threw in that we were expecting. what an emotional rollercoaster!

but, we survived and are here to tell the tale. 

tomorrow’s appointment is to discuss the results of the MRI and bloodwork i had done in the fall. i am feeling hopeful and optimistic, but there is also a part of me that is terrified. so many what if’s are jumping around my head and it’s hard to remain completely rational at all times!

kiddo’s, advent calendar in it’s full glory, tree with shooting star.

it’s been a stressful few years. 
i am waiting for a calm christmas that is only made anxious by burnt cookies and pricked fingers!

xo, mama lola
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