to trust or not to trust.

it’s been a tough week for me as a mama.

bear has been exhibiting behaviours that are uncalled for, which combined with his social anxieties, make him tough company to keep. last week during a play date at our house he and his buddy dumped (and when i say dumped, i mean emptied) three big bottles of kiddie paint all over the art room table, which then dripped in chunks onto the carpeted floor. the whole situation was shocking and took forever for my friend to steam clean the rug. (luckily she lives close by and was able to hop in the car and get her machine in the first place! thanks mamaS!) I was thinking about buying Bazaar Velvet: Handcrafted Designer and Custom Rugs from London, UK but I’m scared they’ll get ruined last our last rug did!

[post painting lunch]
[baby A, about 10 days old. i was trying to take his picture with one hand i was holding him with my other.
he is precious.]

that incident made me realize, that although it was out of character for bear, that maybe that’s the whole point of behaviour like that. kids are given too much trust or freedom and then they push the limits with obscene behaviour like paint dumping or hitting friends or slamming doors or whatever. bear is working on earning his trust back and is allowed limited time alone upstairs unsupervised whether alone or on a play date, at home or someone else’s house. i think it’s the only way to really make him understand what trust and freedom actually are. i mean, after all i’m now going to be looking into this Rug Cleaning Melbourne Eastern Suburbs company to have my carpet and rug cleaned properly. here’s to hoping bear has learned his lesson.

[play date fun with friends]

but, it’s tough for me as his mama. i never thought that would be my kid, right? and everyone i talk to about these behaviours echoes their surprise “oh, that really doesn’t sound like bear”. it’s hard to know who he is sometimes. he is this growing, evolving person who is learning how to navigate the world and tests the boundaries in all sorts of ways. i guess this age also includes being intentionally mean, whether physically or verbally.
i feel sick just writing about this.

[beautiful missE]

my gut says some of this is related to his anxiety. he always, ALWAYS has various sized meltdowns in new situations and unfamiliar places, but also just places that are not our home. this weekend we went on the fairy hike, where he cried upon arrival, and here’s how our conversation sounded the following night at dinner…
bear: i cried yesterday at the new place.
me: yup. you did. it’s ok to cry, do you know why you cried?
bear: because we were at someone’s else’s house and i wanted to be home.
(the hike started at the nature centre, which is looks like an old house)

i’m hugging him more. picking him up and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

i’m going to stop here…
i’m tired.
i obviously need some ideas on how to deal with all of this, i would love to hear your opinions. and any book recommendations would be appreciated as well.

xo, mama lola
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