welcome to my pity party.

it’s been a terrible year for health for the kids, but me in particular. the kids were sick the past two weeks with colds that are still clinging on with pesky coughs at night. i got strep (again!) about two weeks ago and did a round of antibiotics and then a few days after they were done got hit by the strep pain once more. this time my doctor is wondering if something else is going on so i had some blood work done on friday. let’s just say she mentioned mono…augh!

[the sickness allowed us to order in some food, like this yummy sushi!]
i had a bit of a pity party for myself on friday. feeling sorry for myself for having received a strep diagnosis for the fourth time since november; worrying that i would have to miss bear’s 4th birthday party next sunday; and just feeling pathetic that at 33 years of age it seems i am always sick, when i so feel like i deserve a break. ya know? it doesn’t help that dear hubby is never sick, even though he is a poster boy for computer geek unhealthiness!



my new year’s resolution is “clear eyes, strong hearts, can’t lose” (from friday night lights), but it feels like that’s not a goal worth working towards. even with the best of intentions things are looking bleak. i started journaling what i eat and was going to send it for analysis to a friendly expert in women’s health. now, even that kinda seems pointless…. it seems as though i am doomed to forever be unwell.

[finnish camping mugs]

but really, can i actually live my life thinking that, can i? i’m typically looking for the positive in things, even in the darkest of days, so why am i feeling so defeated now? i think it’s partly, because i feel like i deserve a break in life. and i guess this string of strep is a sign that life does not work that way. and being sick a lot tends to beat down on one’s optimism after a while. i will finish up journaling for my friendly expert and send the embarrassing details off in hopes she can guide me. i will also continue going to the Y when feeling healthy enough. 


i will try my darnedest not feel sorry for myself, but will hold my chin up and keep moving.
CLEAR EYES,
FULL HEARTS,
CAN’T LOSE!

xo, mama lola
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