doubt.

today’s prompt via NaBloPoMo is to write about the word doubt. since i can’t decide what else to write about, i thought i would share my thoughts on this topic. (i have also included some random pictures to make this post more, um, colourful!)


i am a very doubtful person. i am always questioning if what i am doing or saying is right, or accurate, or kind or whatever. many people see me as a confident person and in many ways i am, but doubt is always lingering in my periphery keeping me on my toes. 


it is difficult to not doubt ones-self in our society. the media is always inundating us with images and notions about who we should be, as if who we are now is not good enough. it is difficult to be a woman  and i find it especially difficult to mother in this media storm of information. when bear was a baby i doubted all of our parenting decisions, and would quickly worry about our choices. luckily for us we were pretty broke financially, so i couldn’t actually spend a lot of money on all of the gidgets and gadgets i was told i needed to be a good mother. so, instead i sat in worry, fear and doubt wondering if i was damaging bear, because he never had a crib or a bumbo chair. 

[ bear writing; i dictate the letters. ]

today, i see that those decision we made were right for us and our family and i do not doubt those choices any more. in fact, i feel quite confident in our choices as attachment parents.

now, i worry about lion and doubt i am as wholesome of a mother as i was for bear, back in the day. with two kids i feel stretched, which is not a bad feeling, just the reality of my life. i worry i am not expressing my love enough to each little boy of mine and worry that someone is going to feel less-loved. i am sure this is common of all mother’s who have more than one child, but it is a terrible feeling.

doubt is not a pleasant feeling in itself. although, it can bring one to growth and self-awareness, it is difficult to manage through the fear and stress doubt brings with it.


******
this has not been a very happy entry, so i am leaving you with these two questions bear has already asked me numerous times today…
1. “when will the easter bunny come and give me chocolates?” (we have not talked about the easter bunny or chocolates…hmm…..)
2. “when will all of my teeth fall out? i want it to happen now.”


kids really do say the darndest things!
what silly things have you heard lately?



xo, mama lola
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Comments

  1. says

    This is a lovely post. I don’t think there’s one parent who doubts what they’re doing with their child. I know I sure do! I know (most of the time) that we’re doing what’s best for our family, but there’s always that little niggling “what if…?”

    I think the doubt is one sign of a good parent. Maybe parents who are absolutely 100% sure about everything aren’t doing as thoughtful a job as we are. Maybe?

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