lion talked in his sleep and what he said made me cry!

oh, my lion roars a loud roar when he wants to show off, but sometimes i forget that he really is so sensitive inside.

today, on the rainiest and greyest day of the season, i decided spontaneously to get random workout gear on, throw a few diapers and a banana in a backpack, and head to the Y. i’ve been slacking, BIG TIME, but with bear is school, my days are longer and by the time evening rolls around i’m ready to hit the couch for some tv time! i used to always hit the Y in the evenings for some zumba, kickboxing, pilates or yoga, but since september i just haven’t been able to find the motivation. i have spewed every excuse out there, which is totally embarrassing and wasted my dear hubby’s hard earned cash, while at it! terrible!

so now, there’s a new plan. i will work out while bear is in school and i can leave lion in the child minding at the gym. tuesday, yesterday was our first day of the new plan. i was feeling good about going, and was so proud of my guy as we sat at the front desk of the Y signing him up for his very own membership. he needs a membership so be in the childcare. when we walked into the play room, lion was fine. in fact, he was thrilled to see so many new and fabulous toys! he checked things out a little, while i chatted with the staff. then it was time to say good bye.

oh, his little face looked so sad when i kissed him. big tears rolled down his cheeks, but i just kept walking. i blew lots of smiles and kisses to him from the door, which is what we do in our family, and off i went. my heart was aching, as i knew my little guy was in the room crying, but i felt optimistic that he would calm down, so i headed for the elliptical machine. i stayed there doing my thing for 30 minutes, constantly looking over at the doors thinking i saw the staff coming to get me. but, lion didn’t have an epic scream fest that needed me immediately, instead he did cry a little off and on according to the staff. 
we both survived, right?

at home, we snuggled on the couch, ate some lunch and watched elmo dance on tv. then it was nap time. lion fell asleep quickly and like clock work, woke up at the end of his first sleep cycle. he was crying, so i ran to him and lay down next to him as he fell back asleep. just as he was drifting his little hand came up, waved gently and he said “no, äiti, don’t go”. i kid you not. that’s when i started crying as i watched my sweet little boy sleep. how could i traumatize him so deeply, by leaving for only 30 minutes; all sorts of irrational thoughts filled my mind!

i had initially felt so good about his 30 minutes in the childminding, a little cocky in fact! yes, he cried, but it wasn’t dramatic and my kids are criers when we separate. but, now i see that this will be harder than i first thought. sigh. wish me luck on thursday as i will be hopefully leaving lion in the childcare room as i go and watch bear do his swim lesson in the pool!
oh, boy!



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i will sign off today with a birthday wish to the loveliest 7 year old gal i know! i remember the day this wee lady was born so well, dear hubby and i paced the floor of the waiting room in the hospital as we anxiously waited for news.

lots and lots of LOVE and HUGS!


happy wednesday to you all!
what are you up to today?


xo, mama lola
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Comments

  1. says

    Sorry for your stress. Lion will be fine, as it will get easier and easier. My sisters are both teachers and the first week of kindergarten is stressful for some kids, but some parents REALLY have a lot of stress from leaving. Good luck next week with Bear’s swim lesson..Just remember you can’t be at two places at once, and you will get through it…

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