sometimes i have no idea what i’m doing as a mother.
i question decisions i (we) have made about the boys, especially when i discover things aren’t exactly as i thought. on monday when i picked up bear from school his teacher told me he had cried several times through-out the day. she thought it was because, he is not in school daily and feels out of sync with the rest of the class, but my gut says that’s not it all. my gut says something happened with a classmate; an exchange that was mean or possible even just confusing to bear.
that afternoon when i tried gently to talk to bear he would turn away and shook his head in silence, meaning he didn’t want to talk about it. obviously, i can’t force him to share what happened and maybe it’ll come out some other day. but, that leaves me feeling pretty sad for my guy.
yesterday, wasn’t any better. he had a terrible day and came home looking overwhelmed and exhausted. i let things lie, not talking about the school day until later in the evening, reminding him he needs to speak up for himself. it’s something he is not good at; he tells me he’s scared to ask for things or say things, all sorts of things. it shatters me to think of my sensitive guy, feeling alone at school. he told me he didn’t play at recess, but just stood there watching the other kids. augh. hearing him shut down at school breaks my heart and leaves me wondering how i can help him…
i think my bear is a sensitive kid, highly intuitive and in tune with his environment. after reading about it in books and articles, i think that’s what we’re dealing with, cuz it ain’t shyness, baby. here’s a great article from mothering magazine explaining what is means to be a sensitive child and what it looks like for the mother of a sensitive child.
this morning started with a constant whine of,“ i don’t want to go to school. i want to be at home with you.”
what’s a mama to do?
fingers crossed this rainy october day is better for him than the beginning of the week!