mr. NO!

i consider myself to be a very positive person. even during the darkest of times, i have looked at the positive with great optimism and tried to hold onto that a positive language and energy tightly.

[ how can anyone with a face like this be a downer? ]

my eldest son on the other hand, is kind of the opposite. i know this will be surprising to many, but he’s kind of a debbie downer, a negative force that is tough to live with. whatever i say, the first word out of his mouth is “no”. no matter what.

here are some examples:
me: “we’re going to your friends house tomorrow to play”
bear: “no, i don’t want to”

me: “ok, let’s get our christmas pajama’s on and go see the lights in the park”

bear: “no. i hate christmas and christmas lights are stupid”

me: “time to tidy up boys”

bear: ” no way, daba-day”

he’s been talking in this negative way for a long time, so i’m starting to think that he’s really this party pooper kinda guy. sometimes his negative vibe is stronger than at other times; it’s like he cycles through his deep dark moods. 

and, i get it, the kid is almost five so agreeing with me is not a top priority for him, but there’s gotta be something i can suggest that doesn’t evoke a such a quick and sharp NO from him.

but, what is that?

xo, mama lola
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  1. says

    I think it has a lot to do with control. There are so many things in his young world he has no control over. The cycles could be a sign of when he feels more powerless in his own world. Obviously you can’t hand control over to a five year old. But you can offer him choices.

    For example: “what pajamas would you like to wear to see the Christmas lights?” Or maybe “what music would you like to listen to while we clean up?”

    If control is part of the problem, then offering him a degree of control may be part of the solution.

    • says

      you’re right, suzy. it’s all about power and control. we did used to offer more options, but tat seem to backfire on us too. now, we’re trying to find a balance of when to hold onto the reigns tightly and when to loosen up. it’s tough!