first or second born; which is better?

i am always aware of the birth order of my kids. who came first, who second, who has benefited more in this situation, or who has receive the short end of the stick, and who has reaped the benefits of their birth order. and, truthfully i would honestly have to answer, that both kids have felt the positives and negatives of their birth order. although, i do wish both my boys could experience similar things in life, i realize that that is not realistic or possible at all.

my naivete with bear as a baby was not any different from other new mama’s, but lion really benefited from being the second baby in our house. my confidence was noticeably different, my instincts were that much sharper and i gave myself more permission to let go. that was huge. HUGE! when bear was a baby and everything was new, i felt stupid and ill-equipped, i felt the competitive forces of motherhood and felt overwhelmed with everything that i didn’t know. i am sure my bear felt the consequences of that; he was and still continues to be my guinea pig in many things, which i neither good or bad, it just is what it is.

lion, has felt my insecurities yes, but i think he has benefited more from my increased confidence. with experience comes knowledge, but also the ability to tell people to buzz off with their opinions on your parenting methods. 

this is where the burden of my mother’s guilt comes into play… did my own insecurities trickle down onto bear, creating anxiety in him? was it my doing or not doing that made it possible for his sensitive side to develop so strongly? i wonder these things, because lion’s temperament seems so different. yes, he is younger so it’s hard to really know who he really is yet, especially since he has not stepped into the world without me by his side. but lion has an aura of confidence, but maybe that’s because he has a big brother to keep up with.

is it about ensuring the kids have life experiences that match and are even? or is it about the kids having life experiences that fit who they are and what they want? sometimes it feels like it’s the first option, but my heart says they need to experience the world based on their needs and the families needs. being born first or second, third or fifteenth (depending on your family size) shouldn’t matter. as parents it is our responsibility to ensure our children feel loved and accepted, and provide them with opportunities that allow them to find out who they are. 

what do you think?
how do you handle these feelings?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *
and today is the last day for this…..

happy ordering.
happy sunday! 
hope you remembered to spring forward. bedtime tonight might be a bit of a disaster!
xo, mama lola
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  1. says

    My kids actually did okay yesterday, this morning on the other hand was completely different. I can say, number two has definitely benefited from the knowledge that you gain after having one. Both kids are so different, and still so young, it’s hard to tell if there has been any negative affect on one versus the other.

  2. says

    Having four kids I wonder if their birth order will make them who they are to become as an adult. All my kids are SO different, makes life unfair in some ways but I try my best.