since the new year i have been working on getting myself on a better track, emotionally. it’s hard stuff and almost impossible to find the time to, never mind finding the energy to learn how to change some of my bad habits. but, real change is a process and must be given time to develop into the new norm.
new behaviour always feels uncomfortable to the person trying it out, but also to the people around them. there is an inauthenticity and an insincerity about it initially but, like with anything new, once it’s been experienced enough times the unfamiliar becomes the familiar.
recently, i have been feeling very out of sorts with some people in my life. there has been incredible tension sitting there between us like a huge pink elephant. when i feel worried or stressed, i carry it physically in my body. so, my neck and shoulders have been incredibly tense and pained for several weeks now. no amount of arnica, heat, vodka or massages from dear hubby were able to relieve the stress.
so, yesterday i did what i never thought i would do.
i stood up for myself.
i expressed my hurt feelings, i shared my pain and concern and established some clear boundaries. i wrote everything out in a letter and emailed it to several different people and as soon as i had hit send, my pain disappeared.
my neck felt relaxed, i smiled with ease and that’s when i knew that even though my honesty will hurt others, it needed to be said. standing up for myself (and my family) was the right thing to do.
now that i have dealt with that part of my life, i can focus on my bear. i have been so distracted by this other mess, been so anxious that i have not been able to mother in a way that i want to. bear and i have been butting heads for several weeks, but i feel now i can give him what he needs.
have you ever had to stand up for yourself?
how did you feel afterwards?