i left my pity party in april.

about a month ago i wrote a post about the pity party i was throwing myself. i was very unsure about writing it, never mind publishing it, but i felt like i needed to do it as a part of my process. stupid? maybe. foolish? perhaps.
i received many, many kind comments filled with support and words of wisdom. and for that, i am so grateful. i love the connections i have made in the blogging world, who knew?!

but truth be old, initially i was too embarrassed to even read them. i felt awkward and uncomfortable, because i didn’t share my pity party post as a way to get attention or what have you. my thinking was that if i put IT, all of IT out there, then maybe i could move on.
so i took the leap and jumped.

recently, i’ve had some teary conversations with loved ones about my life, my choices and where i’m headed. there are some huge unknowns in my life and what i have come realize that it is up to me, ME to fill them. i cannot wait for others to decide what they want to do with their lives.
my life keeps on ticking.

as my mum keeps telling me, we are truly alone in life, even when we have loving families around us. because, it is up to US to live our OWN lives regardless of what others say, think or do. even when we have the best supportive partners in our lives, it is still up to us to decide which direction we want our lives to go in. being selfish is a skill, and i am terrible at it. all i do is think of other people and their needs, and completely neglect my own.

so that was april.
may is brighter.
onwards and upwards, with a few steps back here and there. i’m learning, just like everyone else and trying my hardest to be the best i can be. even if it doesn’t seem like that to everyone.

xo, mama lola
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  1. says

    I love this. We are facing the most difficult time of our lives right now and I need to remember this. It’s up to me to make things happen, just have to figure out how I’m going to do that.

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