there is a stirring inside of me.

this year is just flying by. it’s hard to believe it’s already mid-september! 
i started the year with lots of goals and changes in mind, and i made bunch of new years resolutions in january, but i guess i mostly forgot about them. or at least the specifics. or maybe not.

as always, it is difficult to myself a priority in the day to grind and i’m still working on those always important self care details of my life. buti am proud of myself for making larger efforts, setting clear boundaries with the kids about my availability; i am fine saying to them i can’t do that right now, you will have to wait. it is easier to set these small boundaries with them because they are older and more independent. plus, with lion in preschool a couple times a week and bear in senior kindergarten, i do have a small handful of hours in the week where i am totally alone. kid free!

during these quiet hours i can feel a stirring inside of me. it’s a feeling that i want to do something big for myself…
i started my women’s studies degree six years ago. (oh, it sounds just horrible to say that, and not be done!) then we got married and bear was born. i continued my studies when he was a wee dude and i put my studies on hold two months before lion was born. it astounds me that while i was massively pregnant, i commuted about 30 minutes each way to my classes, completed my readings, wrote exams, completed essays, all while mothering a two year old and with a tumour growing in my head! 

clearly i had to put my studies on hold when lion was a newborn and, while having to deal with my health concerns. and inevitably my education was placed way at the bottom of the priority list. this was the right thing to do at that time in my life, but now i am starting to feel a strong urge to finish what i started. 
to finish my degree.
get ‘er done!

but, the university where i began my women’s studies degree has since discontinued the program (patriarchy at it’s finest!) and figuring out my current options is tricky. it’s not like i have time to sit on the phone and call around making appointments with various universities or what-have-you. but, after some soul searching and real consideration of what i want to do, i think i am closer to a final decision. this time, i am making a decision purely based on me, my needs and my wants. it’s time for my dear hubby and the boys to make some sacrifices too, and honestly, i wouldn’t be asking much of them, or anything they wouldn’t be willing to do for me. they will all support me in their own way, i know it!

next september i will have two kids, so all of my kids in school full-time. that frees up my days and my life significantly. don’t get me wrong, i LOVE being a mama, and i love being home with my kids, but that doesn’t mean i can’t want more for myself.
right?

sitting around thinking about life. my life.

xo, mama lola
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