i will be 35 on the 28th of december. happy birthday to me!
this is the first year in a while i don’t really feel like i’m getting older. turning 30 felt like a huge deal, and the birthdays proceeding that one have all had an aging quality to them. but, this year something is different. but, i’m not really sure what.
it’s been a year of great personal growth for me. i have come accept many qualities about myself rather than focusing on how to change things, i have learned to live with them. for some, i guess that kinda thing comes easily; not for me. don’t get me wrong, there are still plenty of traits and quirks and details i would love to improve about myself, but there are some things that just are the way they are. which is ok.
in the past i have blogged a lot about focusing on myself and learning how make myself a priority. this is a skill that i have made leaps and bounds in this past year, clearly made easier as the kids get older. hard times forced me to really look at myself, how i make decisions, why i do the things i do, say the things i say and so on. i have come to understand that i have great deficits in my confidence, self-esteem and belief in my own abilities, but i trust that with time those will improve. to balance out the hard stuff, i have placed great efforts into my personal relationships. i have tried to be social and active within my community and make connections with people. i have tried to be good friend, giving more of myself to people outside my family. i am a work in progress, and some areas require more work than others.
as i enter the second half of my thirties, i feel optimistic. the first half was filled with babies, illness, tremendous worry, sleep deprivation, anger, and enormous stress. i am hopeful that i can leave those aches and pains behind me and move on towards new, perhaps a slightly less bumpy road. i feel grateful for so much, especially after the ice storm that hit southern ontario. with so many people freezing in their homes for days (my parents included), surviving through the holidays in unexpected ways, i will continue to try not to take my life for granted. i have said it here before and i will say it again, and i will keep saying it, because taking ones family, friends, home, cars, food, running water and everything else for granted is so easy.
i love my birthday and this year my three guys have all sorts of secrets tucked up their sleeves. my mummo shared my birthday with me, and since she has passed there is a loneliness about it. even though my grandmother and i weren’t very close, because she lived in finland while we were here, and trying to have a telephone conversation with someone losing their hearing was next to impossible! i will remember her fondly on the 28th and share stories about her to my kids.
i am excited to turn 35 and look forward to the adventures this new age brings.