bear & lion

here's a peek into the highs and woes of our life

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mothering. harder than it looks.

June 12, 2014 by mama lola

we’ve been experiencing some tricky parenting times. there has been so much going on in our lives recently, and those busy times have taken a toll on our family dynamics. honestly, things have turned to$hit!

 

bear has been a lot to handle. his behaviour has been out of this world difficult. our mornings and evenings have book ended our days with all sorts power struggles masked under screaming and shouting and lotsa tears (and not just his)!

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when i am tired, i can lose my temper quickly, reacting poorly to the situation at hand. heading into this busy week i made a conscious decision to stay cool, offering instead extra love in hugs and kisses and other positive reinforcements. i have focussed on the beautiful, funny, intelligent and creative choices my kids have made, instead of attacking the ugly, messy and unsafe decisions. somehow doing that is harder for me, especially when we are all tired and feeling maxed out. i realize now that sometimes it’s as though i’m waiting for my kids to screw up, instead of expecting sweet success from them. i know that is a horrible thing to admit, but i think it comes from my own habit of yimmering on about stuff that doesn’t deserve my constant attention, rather than focussing on things that do.

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so, once i incorporated extra hair tussles, tickle times and just gentle loving touches into our day, we all seem to have cooled our jets and changed our attitudes. there has been an obvious decrease in the general volume at our house, which in turn has decreased tensions and tears. dear hubby suspected a while that a lot of bear’s “acting out” comes from good ol’ fashioned sibling jealousy and i think he is right. sibling rivalry is a powerful force, often appearing at the least obvious of times.

 

i wish, as a mama to these amazing boys, that i would just always remember to give more during the most trying of times instead of pulling away. when my kids are being jerks all day every day, that is when i must shower them with kisses and pull out some great thing did in between all the jerkyness, and focus on the good.  i know to some this may seem so obvious, and as i sit here and type this, it does seem so freaking obvious, but in those dark days of chronic power struggles it is impossible to see, never mind put into action.

 

i am only human and i too make mistakes when it comes to mothering stuff. i am constantly learning and trying to remember to be stronger and turn the volume down and to just SHUT UP sometimes.

 

this is so much harder than i ever could have imagined.

 

 

xo, mama lola
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Filed Under: anxiety, attachment parenting, brothers, family, home, love, self

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Comments

  1. Heather @ new house new home says

    June 13, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    It really is hard, isn’t it? But loosing your temper is not the worst thing that can happen. Hang in there and know that what you do, you do with love. And one day your kids will understand it.
    Heather @ new house new home recently posted…Comment on Peonies in the Garden by HeatherMy Profile

  2. Dilovely says

    June 13, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    SUCH A TRUE POST. So openly written. Thank you for sharing this hard-earned wisdom, lola.
    Dilovely recently posted…DIY Tie-Dye Jamboree! Shirts, shoes, and a jillion tiny socks.My Profile

  3. coffeewithjulie says

    June 15, 2014 at 11:26 am

    This is such a truthful post. I love the saying, “catch your kids doing good” (not just the wrong things). The positive reinforcement for all they do right and wonderful sometimes gets missed in the busy lives of a family … but it can help add perspective for parents and kids alike! I am not a patient person by nature, so I am always taking a deep breath and trying to remember these “wise” phrases 🙂

  4. Siobhan says

    June 16, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    It’s so hard to stop in the moment when things are at their hardest, but it sounds like you’re doing a great job.

    It’s a hard job with great rewards.
    Siobhan recently posted…Out With A FizzleMy Profile

  5. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    June 17, 2014 at 12:58 am

    I know when I’m tired, I also lose my temper more easily. It’s such a great practice to look for the positives. The thing is, this parenting gig is an ongoing education. The fact that you’re so reflective and honest about your behaviour and tendencies says you’re a pretty darn good mom.

    Thanks for such an honest and vulnerable parenting post.

    Hugs to you mama….
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…Overcoming ObstaclesMy Profile

  6. Andrea@personallyandrea says

    June 30, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    Such great and true reminder. Thanks so much for sharing!
    Andrea@personallyandrea recently posted…Photo Finish 26My Profile



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