sometimes it feels as though everyone around me is moving forwards in life. their momentum appears to be positive and energetic and full of optimism, while i’m stuck in the doom and gloom of the grey winter blahs. i don’t want to sound ungrateful or whiny, because neither is my intention. but, i suppose i feel bored. not as in i have nothing to do, because i have plenty to do, but i guess in a more, i am understimulated kind of bored.
as my children grow and gain more independence, i find myself wondering more about what my future holds. as i peek into the crystal ball i see plenty of familial time. but, i also see myself as a more refreshed image of who i am today. refreshed by what i am doing, how i am doing things and where i am doing it. i had a massage before the holidays, and the masseuse said to me (quite rudely and unprofessionally) that i looked depleted. i immediately felt defensive and embarrassed of my depleted self. but, once i got over the shock of what she said (several days later, mind you) it dawned on me that she was onto something.
although, it doesn’t matter what she thinks of me or what anyone thinks of me actually (well…), i did have to admit that she was onto something. my body has been through some significant stresses over the last few years and as a consequence my body has become a weak, soft, vessel that gets sick and exhausted easily.
my point in this friday ramble, is that so many things in life are not important. as i sit in the haze that has become my life, i am willing to move forwards and move towards a more focused and clearer future. one that is stimulating, challenging and exciting in all the right ways! although the winter blah’s are sitting tightly on my shoulders, i do see a twinkle in the horizon of light and life, and i am keen to move towards it.