falling for fall.

october has arrived in full force. the temperature has dropped dramatically and the crisp air outside is blowing fallen leaves briskly. the sun is fighting to show off its glory and every so often as the clouds race along, the warm rays shine down making for a beautiful fall day.

my kids and dear hubby were all eager to get out there and get to work. bear is the kind of kid who is not afraid of the elements or cooler temperatures, he in fact thrives in the fall/ winter months. he’s kind of like me and wilts in the heat and humidity of the summer. the poor kid has been asking for winter since june! Thus lion, whose goal in life is to be like bear, also wants to go outside and play. although he complains as we get all the layers on, he seems happy enough to be wherever bear is.  

this time of year is a reminder of the frightening storm that began two years ago. it was october when i became unexpectedly pregnant with lion and the migraines came on strong soon after. that fall i was taking a few uni courses for my women’s studies degree and i remember struggling with the readings as my head would just be pounding. i was exhausted, so exhausted that i would drag myself around town taking bear, then about 18 months to the park or play dates, grocery shopping or wherever. 



i’m off for my annual MRI tonight. gotta get it done to make sure my wee pituitary gland is tumour free. i am scared and nervous and a wreck. my friend, mamaM is a tech at the hospital and she will be doing my imaging tonight. she’s also the one who did the MRI when my tumour was first discovered. it’s nice to know a familiar and kind voice will be checking in with me as i endure the claustrophobic loud banging in that uncomfortable tube. i wont get the results until december.


fingers crossed everyone.
i am scared.

xo, mama lola

from zero to rage.

i don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. lately both boys have been waking up before the crack of dawn,  before the sun has woken up, before it’s natural. slowly we tromp down the stairs and munch on our cereal. the kids are fine, but i’m like a zombie barely able to keep my eyes open, blinking away the fuzzies of the night, anxiously waiting for my coffee to brew. 

today was a tough day for us. we were up at dawn and by the afternoon i had a pair of whiny kids on my hands. i tried to keep my cool by caffeinating myself through-out the day, maintaining my own blood sugars at a reasonable level by snacking on fruit or nuts and by ensuring the kids needs are met before the inevitable sh*t hits the fan. 

by the time dear hubby got home this evening the boys and i were all feeling the weight of our tiredness. bear didn’t want to eat the cod chowder i made (which was amazing btw) and lion’s bum had exploded in a rash just before dinner (again). i barely spoke as i could feel my exhaustion turning to rage  under my skin. i can still feel it as i type this, and the guys are all upstairs having a bath. 
lion ate some blue chalk. then he barfed.
then he nursed.

it’s the nonsense that is brought nightly to the dinner table, the kicking of my chair. saying the food is “yucky”. it’s the daily fights that start in the morning with getting dressed, of getting teeth brushed and getting out the door on time. there’s the BS with car seats, with grabbing toys from lion’s tiny hand, with spitting and screaming in lion’s face… i could go on. you get the point.


today i feel like i have had enough. i feel like i could walk through that door and not look back.
please don’t judge me, until you have walked a mile in my shoes or lived a day in my world. 

peace.

xo, mama lola

with love.

first, i want to let everyone know, that mr. WJ is going strong and has been home for the last couple of days. our friends’ four year old had some health concerns and he has been diagnosed with asthma, but the family is feeling positive and WJ is happy to be back to his ol’ shenanigans. xoxo

here are the overdue cottage HURRAH pictures. good times, great friends and a life time of memories!

[due to technical issues, i have started to use flickr as a way to share my pictures on this blog. i am still getting the hang of it, so please, bear with me.]


second, i wanted to acknowledge that i have not been as consistent with my writing on here, but it’s only because life has gotten a few gears busier. and i knew this would happen once the regular routine kicked in, so now i am trying to figure out when to write here.


third….
this fall has been a wonderful time of year for us. we have spent time with friends, the kids are both thriving in their own selves, dear hubby signed on as a salaried and permanent employee, instead of staying on as a contract worker, we have been able to sink some money into the house, finally, and we are planning a family road trip to new york, new york. 

after the storms of recent past, it feels wonderful to have the peace and calm of health and happiness. i feel very lucky to be where we are now, considering the struggles we have had to endure. it must be that darn eternal optimist in me attracting good karma [wink].



xo, mama lola

(in)sight

i got new specs. they’re a bit different from what i thought, but i think i still like ’em. 

since becoming a wife and mother i have struggled with my own personal style. i kinda lost it in fact. and just to clarify, i have never been super trendy or fashion conscious, but i did have my own thang going on. but, after bear was born i made the common mistake that so many mamas make and went for clothes that i thought were practical, instead of pretty. and to top it all off i always wore my locks up in a messy bun, as a way to hide the tangled mess of hair it really was.


today, my post-babies-post-tumour-post-surgeries self is quite different from the pre-everything-self i knew a handful of years ago, both physically and emotionally. i am a continual work in progress and am finding inspiration in the less obvious in life. during the past year i kinda withdrew as i was feeling so overwhelmed by everything, but now i am slowly coming back to life. coming back to my life.

september is the start of a new month, with new a clean canvas to create wonderful new adventures on. dear hubby and i will start our weekly date night, we have some exciting trips possibly in the works (NYC!) and i am seriously looking to go back to school in january 2012. 

baby K with her MAMA S.

and there’s my friends. i am forever and truly grateful for my friends near and far, new and old. but, i am also grateful for the friendships my kiddo’s are making, especially bear. his friends are so important to him now and he is always asking who he is going to see when. it touches my heart as i still have friends that i made when i was his age and even if seas keep a distance it is still nice to share memories. 

photo credit to lil”C’s mama and her iphone.
“ring-around-the-rosie…”

my new specs brought have with them sharper vision; hopefully a better sense self and style; and possibly deeper insights into who i am, where i am going and who i want to become.

last long weekend of the summer and we will be spending it with friends. these friends in fact; bottoms up!
xo, mama lola
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