that darn “S” word has been on mind: SHARING. because of the ages of my kids and the activities we involve ourselves in outside the home, we hear that word a lot. in my expert, mama opinion, we have taken the word “share” and twisted it into something meaningless. adults are constantly telling their kids “to share their toys” without ever actually talking about what it means to share.
wikipedia defines the act of sharing as “the joint use of a resource or space”.
sharing, therefore is not the same as taking turns, but that’s what adults in our society have made it into. the whole idea “oh, sweetie you have wait until ken is done playing with that dolly and then it’s your turn. good sharing barbie”. what on earth does that statement mean? i interpret that as “ken, you only have so much time until your turn is done and then it’s barbie’s turn”, which is technically not sharing, but forcing and intimidating ken to give up the toy he is playing with. what if ken wants to play with the dolly for an indefinite amount of time? what if ken is inside his imaginary world, but because of greedy barbie his game is forcibly interrupted and hence, devalued? that is not sharing. that is bullying. sounds harsh, but i truly believe that.
sharing, i think, is suggesting to barbie to go and find another dolly and play with ken and share in his experience. (obviously checking with ken that he’s ok with barbie joining the game). or staring her own game and leaving ken the hell alone. the joint use of space and resources- bam!
why is it assumed that when kids visit their friends, that all of those toys are to be shared. what if ken doesn’t want barbie playing with his surf board, why as adults do we force ken to share the toy? why are there no limitations or boundaries and why is it not ok for kids to say no to their friends? for myself and my things, there certainly are items that are mine and just mine. not everything in my home is for the other members of my family to touch or use, i ask for privacy and i think that’s ok.Â
our society has removed itself from the idea of sharing resources; for example back in the day several families might invest in tools or a car or something together and reap the benefits of reduced spending and shared maintenance. nowadays it is rare to borrow or lend out items to people in the neighbourhood who are not close friends or family.
adults yimmer on at kids about sharing, but there is little discussion about what that word actually means. it’s not just about toys, but about sharing time, space, ideas, feelings, being with each other.Â
i desperately try not to use that word at home. i can be heard saying out there in the world, because i feel as though i will judged if i do not insist bear gives up his bucket at the park to a friend. bear has brought that word home, and i have tried to explain to him in other ways how to share and what it means to share with his friends.Â
the pictures are of bella. a kitty who is shared between our household and my folks’. she was once more my responsibility and now she lives with my parents.
share the love people!
I agree with hating the word!! In some of the AP talks, I learned that the maturation of the brain, to actually know and understand the work share doesn’t usually happen until the age of 5!! So the recommendation is NOT to share!! How cool!!
i think children need a healthy balance of sharing and ownership. as adults we are expected to take ownership of our personal property, yet share public properties such as public facilities like libraries, restaurants, seats on the bus, parking lots etc.
childhood is when we practice the skills of adulthood through play and representation. therefore children can be expected to share the same type of items, such as toys at preschool or playgroup and the slide at the park. their personal toys are their own, but can also be shared with friends. the same way you may lend me a book or offer me a ride in your car. the choice is yours and given the choice you naturally want to share with those you care about.
I agree with the sentiment but am not so sure how I feel about letting young children share their toys. I think there is a difference between adults and children especially in the area of emotional development. Adults may very well be protective of some of their belongings, but few adults would invite a friend to their home and then refuse to share their food, their furniture, their photo albums, etcetera. Young children however often will quite happily not let their friends who they invited over use any of their toys. Even if the other child isn’t playing with what the original child was playing with, they will often purposely take a sudden interest in the toy that is being used by the other child. Empathy takes a long time to develop and even some adults have serious issues. Through expecting children to lend their things AND share their feelings, time, space, etc. we are teaching that capacity to empathize.