i had to set up some strict rules for this weekend. as you may know, i was super sick last week and eventually on thursday i went to my doctor who confirmed my fears, yes it’s a sinus infection. we were supposed to see my folks this weekend, but my mom told me i had to stay home, in bed and rest. i laughed and told her my family wasn’t going to let me sleep and rest, even though that’s what i needed. she told to be firm and just do it. so i tried it.

saturday morning i slept in until about 9am. slowly made my way downstairs, had a coffee, took my killer antibiotic, watched as the guys got dressed and left the house with the promise of not returning until lunch. so, i had a hot shower and then crawled back into my bed with a book. 

i read my book. the house was quiet. the house was still. 
i soaked it all in feeling content. and proud.
proud that i had stood up for myself.

asking for time for myself is hard. even when i am sick. i remember when i was recovering from my tumour surgery, how guilty i felt for asking for help, for wanting to sleep, for feeling unwell and so i never spoke up for myself the way i should have. now, with hindsight in my pocket i feel embarrassed for not meeting my own needs and trying to minimize the hugeness of the surgery. but, that’s what i do. i never give importance, or time or value to things related to my life. i brush things away easily, so as not to worry other people out or hurt their feelings. 

but, i am changing all of that now. i deserve to be taken care of as well, just like my dear hubby and the kids do when they are feeling sick. i deserve to sleep, to not have to make every single meal, to have some peace and quiet. i have to realize that my family is not the type who just recognizes my needs; i have to explicitly ask for what i need, in a very demanding kind of way. and, that’s ok. and, maybe if i do it enough one day the guys will recognize that i need some recovery time and will provide that for me, without me having to ask. 
or not.

hope you were able to find peace in your weekend.