bear & lion

here's a peek into the highs and woes of our life

i stood up for myself.

by

since the new year i have been working on getting myself on a better track, emotionally. it’s hard stuff and almost impossible to find the time to, never mind finding the energy to learn how to change some of my bad habits. but, real change is a process and must be given time to develop into the new norm. 

new behaviour always feels uncomfortable to the person trying it out, but also to the people around them. there is an inauthenticity and an insincerity about it initially but, like with anything new, once it’s been experienced enough times the unfamiliar becomes the familiar. 

recently, i have been feeling very out of sorts with some people in my life. there has been incredible tension sitting there between us like a huge pink elephant. when i feel worried or stressed, i carry it physically in my body. so, my neck and shoulders have been incredibly tense and pained for several weeks now. no amount of arnica, heat, vodka or massages from dear hubby were able to relieve the stress.


so, yesterday i did what i never thought i would do.
i stood up for myself. 
i expressed my hurt feelings, i shared my pain and concern and established some clear boundaries. i wrote everything out in a letter and emailed it to several different people and as soon as i had hit send, my pain disappeared. 

my neck felt relaxed, i smiled with ease and that’s when i knew that even though my honesty will hurt others, it needed to be said. standing up for myself (and my family) was the right thing to do. 


now that i have dealt with that part of my life, i can focus on my bear. i have been so distracted by this other mess, been so anxious that i have not been able to mother in a way that i want to. bear and i have been butting heads for several weeks, but i feel now i can give him what he needs.


have you ever had to stand up for yourself? 
how did you feel afterwards?

xo, mama lola
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Comments

  1. Since becoming a mother I felt like I had to stand up for myself alot more. I used to just go along with what others would say or do. Now Its like I have to stand up for myself because my kids depend on me and if I dont have a backbone we would be in trouble.

    Great post!
    -Rekita

    • thanks, rekita. i find as a mama, yes, it is so important to try and set a good example for your kids. sometimes, it’s easy, other times it’s super hard.

  3. beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
    I carry all unspoken physically as well – my throat will always let me know. it sometimes is really hard to take the step and get up, speak up, but oh, it just feels so good and right afterwards and just makes everything better, for me AND for the others!

    thanks for sharing!

    dominika

  4. Good for you, lola. I have also experienced times when saying what needed to be said was the only way to stop myself stewing. If hurt ensues, well… you were hurting too, right? It’s not fair for one person to carry it alone.

    • thanks dilovely. i felt like the people didn’t ever take the time to think or care about how i felt in all of this. maybe even now they don’t care, but at least i have shown them that i care and respect myself.

  6. Beautiful photos in this post. I understand how hard it is to stand up for yourself, but by keeping it all inside, you’re just hurting yourself. I’m glad you let it all out, and hopefully your relationships can move forward positively from here.

  7. Love this post….and your photos are beautiful! I recently had an issue and it bothered me to no end….I still haven’t faced it head on – kind of swept it under the carpet if you will. Kudos to you. I found you through Honest Voices.

  8. Good for you! Standing up for yourself can be so hard but so rewarding…and it can be done without tearing the other person down. I’m with you – it eats me up inside when things are unresolved.

  9. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. I used to never stand up for myself but then a series of things happened. Cancer, turning 30, awful divorce etc and one day i woke up and decided to never lay down again. I am so so so happy for you that you stood up for yourself.

    • thanks, colleen. i too have had a shitty time with life over the years and those events are a part of what led me to doing this. life is short and i don’t deserve to be treated badly. nobody does.

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