i am trying to be the best that i can be.
i have made some mistakes in my past, many bad mistakes in fact and i am trying to move past the guilt and shame. but, i am only human, and such growth takes time. everyone is capable and does make mistakes, as it is not in a humans nature to go through life with perfection. this is why things like Pardons Canada exist, or support groups for alcohol and drugs are made. it is an acknowledgement of mistakes.

being the best i can be is a place where i accept myself for who i am. accept my abilities and limitations all in the same breath. it is a place where my expectations of myself are based on realistic goals, rather than the ever so popular comparisons game; the one where i always come out as the loser.

being the best i can be is easier said than done.

i watch my boys being the best they can be, and admire their care free out look on life. it is truly remarkable. they create art, because they want to and because they feel like painting. their choice is paint colours and brush direction appears to be random, but who am i to judge their artistic process. it is what it is. it is them being the best that they are. they have not reached the age of “i can’ts”, although bear is on the cusp. being an adult and carrying so many restrictions in ones pockets is exhausting. who says you can’t do something ot aren’t good enough? so much of those limitations come from our own heads and the negative self-talk we have playing on repeat.

my pal lillian at it’s a dome life, blogged recently about the barriers people feel before starting a project or hobby or new career. she says “you will be terrible, but start anyway”, which i think is bang on advice. there is this ridiculous idea that we have to be perfect at everything that we do, from the get-go, that making mistakes makes us lesser-thans, which only leaves us with a why bother mentality. how completely terrible, right?

i am very skilled and cutting myself down. but, i am now learning to build myself up; to acknowledge the things i can do well, to admit where i need more effort and to ultimately be the best i can be.
that is all anyone else can expect of me.
but, more importantly, that is all i can expect of myself.