this is my pity party.

April 28, 2013 by mama lola

i’ve been having a real shitty few weeks, months really.
i am trying come out of it.
since the new year, i have tried to grow as a person, ya know, being the best i can be, while allowing myself to make mistakes, learn from them and move on. but, that’s not happening the way i imagined it would. i am having a difficult time keeping the momentum going.
welcome to my pity party!

over the years i have tried to be a good person: a reliable friend, a strong wife and a stable mother. i am the first to admit and acknowledge that i have made huge mistakes and have failed at being strong or level headed when i should have. but, should making mistakes make me a target, especially when i have held myself responsible for my actions? all of those roles i mentioned earlier are near impossible to maintain on a good day, never mind when i am being blamed for the mistakes of others. it is difficult to hold my chin up with confidence and pride when i am told my pain is illegitimate and irrelevant. it devalues me as a person, while stripping me of my worth, and completely dismissing existence.
i am not capable of just pretending everything is ok and ignore the massive pink elephant in the room. but, what am i supposed to do when i try to talk about these issues with them and they respond in a way that is so cold, accusatory and harsh. why are they allowed to treat me like shit? who gave them that permission…. was it me?

so lately instead of asking for help and support, i have started to shut down and turn into myself. i have started to censor myself more here, because some of the shit holding me back is related to family. (it always is, right?) i wish i could be more open and not feel as though i need to censor myself here, as this place is one i have created for myself; for my thoughts, my feelings, my projects, my fave recipes, my vents, my highs and my woes. MY life. but, i share my life with others, and i do not want out people or cause more hurt or divide, so i will only share about my process, my pity party.

today, at the end of april, i am desperately trying to dig myself out of this mess, this hole i dug for myself. it is a hole i feel like i am being pushed back into whenever i start feel a little stronger. i cannot control what other people do, i understand that, but i am struggling to be a duck in rain and let what they think of me roll off of my back. i am raw, vulnerable and hurting, and somehow it feels as though that doesn’t matter to anyone.

this post sounds like a pity party, i know, but i am trying to find my motivation again. i thought that if i put some of my pain out there for all to see and read, maybe they would stop blaming me for everything and recognize that everyone makes mistakes, including them. and holding ones self accountable takes courage.
i refuse to be a scapegoat.
i am worth more.
i deserve better.

mother’s day treats!

April 27, 2013 by mama lola

i know, i know treats and yummy things can be unhealthy, but on special occasions i think, a little something delicious is worth the extra calories! here are some treats i compiled that i would be delighted to taste, enjoy and devour if made for me on Mother’s Day!

WHERE TO FIND ‘EM!

1. chocolate covered strawberries from family fresh cooking
2. blueberry greek yoghurt no bake cheese cake from bareroot girl
3. cake pops from at kokken
4. momfoku banana cupcakes from cupcakes garden
5. no bake chocolate strwberry cheesecake from how sweet it is
6. ice cream sandwiches from the kitchy kitchen
7. rose cupcakes from the cupcake daily blog
8. funfetti cake waffles from buns in my oven

let me know if you’re lucky enough to try one of these, or if you decided to make something from here for another mama.

this moment :: niagara falls for a birthday was a blast!

April 26, 2013 by mama lola

as inspired by souleMama; one photo from our week, no words, only an image to sum up our time as a family. one that captures a moment in time and is a visual reminder of where we were at this time in our lives.

i am flexing the rules this week, as it was dear hubby’s birthday on monday. i want to share some pictures from the great day we had in niagara falls, just the four of us. we ate a picnic lunch, gobbled up ice creams, watched the falls in awe and enjoyed the glorious sunshine all day long!

i would love it if you left a link to your { this moment }.

treeplanting, at home this time!

April 24, 2013 by mama lola

our backyard is great. it’s enclosed, gated and safe for the kids to run around in. there are smallish beds for me to garden in and even room for our sweet shed in one corner. Our home came with it, but a friend had to repurpose repo storage buildings for sale they found, and it works for them. Still, we love our shed, and we love our backyard. but, it’s always lacked in the pretty fence department. on one side of the yard there is a simple, cheap, but pleasant to the eyes wooden fence. the other side has the shed and a neighbours garage wall, which is all fine, but it’s the back of the yard which has a rusty old horrendous thing that pains me to look at! A friend from the UK had told me when they needed their fences redone they’d gone to Hillsborough Fencing because they had composite fencing that would last a lot longer than metal or wood. makes me wish my family was over there. i have been bugging dear hubby for a few years to do something about the fence or lack thereof. I spent a long time looking on sites like https://www.trustdale.com/roswell-ga/services/home-services/fencing to try and find the perfect fence but we were tight on budget. so finally this spring we got a quote from an awesome local carpenter. unfortunately, his quote was more than this single income family could afford, so we had to come up with a plan B.

then the other day i was at the grocery store and saw hundreds of potted cedar trees and that’s when it hit me… let’s plant a cedar hedge along the back fence.

dear hubby and the boys thought this was the greatest idea ever!

so on saturday morning dear hubby headed out first thing to buy the trees. we wanted to get a head start on the day. it was snowing that morning and there was snow on the ground, but dear hubby was excited to get planting! We started by clearing all of the leaves and debris from the garden so we had a clear space to work in – we borrowed a friend’s leaf blower last minute for this that they got from The Best Leaf Blowers – it was a real time saver. Raking all those leaves up or picking them by hand would’ve been a pain!

here’s bear digging a hole, with dear hubby’s treeplanting shovel from back in the day. i can’t help but ooze some sappy mama pride watching my kids planting. for those who don’t know, dear hubby and i met and fell in love while working as treeplanters in northern ontario about 12 years ago!

it is a bit cliche to plant trees for earth day, but i think there’s something really important about it. the soil was freezing, the air cold but the guys got to work and planted 10 trees into the back yard. they learned some valuable lessons along the way and saved a bunch of worms, too!

in this pic you can really see the nasty chain link fence, but look how beautiful and green these cedars are! and, they were only $16 each and came with a years warranty! we may pop some trellis back behind the cedars for added privacy.

happy hump day y’all! it’s pouring rain here and i am thrilled about that, as the cedars need lots of water to get rooted properly into the soil.

10 mother’s day craft ideas!

April 23, 2013 by mama lola

my boys love to get crafty for special occasions and mother’s day isn’t any different. i don’t actually sit with them to make me something (cuz that would be weird, right?), but i do help them get creative for gifts for their mummo and grandma. i will not be revealing our plans for may 12th, just in case one of them reads this post.

1. i love you this much card from a day in my life

2. hand print apron from little page turners

3. mama portraits from inchmark

4. decorate pots with fabric from shelterness.com

5. mother’s day silhouette’s from happy home fairy

6. hand print wall art from babble

7. garden stepping stone from a learning experience

8. flower bouquet from balancing home

9. butterfly candle holder from etcetorize

10. picked, felt flowers from my plum garden

happy birthday, dear hubby!

April 22, 2013 by mama lola

all of these pictures are pre-2007. we look like babies in so many of the pics!
happy 37th birthday to my sweet, loving, adorable husband!

today, the four of us are heading to niagara falls for a day of fun! we will check out the falls, play some arcade games, eat massive ice creams and hopefully ride the ferris wheel!

the death of a child.

April 21, 2013 by mama lola

losing a child is a pain i hope i never have to endure.
the thought alone is…

on friday night dear hubby and i went to a movie for date night. we saw “the place beyond the pines”. a movie that deals with all kinds of pain, sorrow and heartache. as a mama, it is very difficult for me to watch some things on the big screen these days. all i do is imagine those situations, horrors as a part of my life. then on saturday night we watched “the greatest” at home on netflix. the movie deals with struggling, mourning parents who are left to deal with the various consequences after their sons tragic death. this movie was even more heartbreaking than i could imagine. so much so, that i refused to even consider what i may feel if i was that mother, if i lost an eighteen year old son. i should have been an teary, bleary eyed sobbing mess, but the suffering this mother felt was too much for me to even consider. you see, she lost her eldest son, but her younger son was alive and needing his family.
too close to home for me.

filling two evenings with pain and loss, even though fictional was heavy for my heart. if you know me well, you know i take things on easily and have a hard time shaking feelings off. the thought of losing one of my boys is so incomprehensible. mother’s lose their children every day all over the world, and if i actually thought about all of that pain, i would be stuck in this chair forever debilitated by the sorrow.

but, i did almost lose my littlest boy. and, honestly i have not actually dealt with that fear or pain. i have shoved those feelings into a box to be kept stashed in the far corners of my heart. it is not like me to ignore my feelings and not get a handle on them, but this, my wee lion almost dying at birth is too much for me to even think about. as i type, i am stiffening up and i feel my defences kicking into gear protecting my heart from the agony that could have been. luckily for me, i didn’t even know he was in danger until he was stabilized. my sweet, dear hubby is the one who knew and felt the danger of death.

death is unavoidable. it is all around us.
but, a parent, a mother losing a child is the kind of pain i hope i never have to endure.
and, to all of the parents who have lived through that, i watch you in awe.
your strength silences me.

i hope this post does not leave you with a heavy heart, but instead inspires you to recognize the beauty that is family and life. i know i will be slobbering some extra sloppy kisses on my boys today and tucking them both into bed with me tonight!

this moment.

April 19, 2013 by mama lola

i would love it if you left a link to your { this moment }.

theme thursday :: useful household tips for keeping a clean(er) home!

April 18, 2013 by mama lola

for today’s THEME THURSDAY i’ve pulled together some handy household resources. Sometimes the house cleaning just gets away from us and that’s okay. If it happens often it can be worth looking into someone like ServiceMaster of Lake Shore to help you deal with it. In the meantime I’ve come up with some tips and tricks that work well for all sorts of problems that may arise in your home, from pesky stains to frustrating houseflies to ridding odours. plus, all of these easy solutions are kid and pet friendly and won’t hurt your bank account! GOTTA LOVE THAT! remember that keeping your home clean is important to your families health so keeping on top of everything is impreitive. if you’re not able to find the time to clean with everything that’s happening in your life, there’s no shame in getting a House Cleaner Marietta. for now though, here is my list of stuff that can make your cleaning life easier:

i organized the list by rooms in your home.

KITCHEN:

here’s the ultimate cookwear cleaning guide, from the tipnut.

how to clean a dishwasher, from tidy mom.

how to get those pesky, crusty, burnt food stains off your glass top stove from so not betty.

BATHROOM:

how to descale your shower head from a real housewife.

how to unclog drains with baking soda from tipnut.

BEDROOM:

instructions on how to fold those darn fitted sheets from the one and only, martha stewart.

here’s a how to store sets of sheets from storage and glee.

how to make your own linen waters spray from craftstylish.

take a look at these vacuum reviews to make sure you have the best one for really getting all of that dirt out of the carpets.

LAUNDRY AND STAINS:

how to make your own oxy clean from creatively domestic.

how lemon can boost your wash cycle from yummly.

several fantastic uses for vinegar in your washing machine and laundry from ask anna.

OUTSIDE SPACES/ GARDEN/ BUGS:

try cinnamon in the sandbox to keep bugs out, from 366 days of pinterest.

how to rid those always annoying house flies from step by step guide to everything.

here’s a tip on how to repel ants in outdoor spaces like patios, from martha stewart. Alternatively, you could just call Terminix maryland, or wherever you’re based, pest control.

SMELLS & STINKS & SPILLS:

getting the musty smell out of second hand thrift items from the art of doing stuff

how to clean up nail polish spills from baby centre.

a natural air freshner using lemons and water from yummly.

let me know if you have any tips or tricks i can add to this list.

i’m also working on an organizational post!

april ice storm!

April 17, 2013 by mama lola

We were hit with a pretty bad ice storm on Friday. The freezing rain was unrelenting causing massive trees to snap their branches, thousands of people all over were without power and who knows how much structural damage the storm caused.

The picture below is of our porch railing. It looks as though the water is dripping off, but that’s all ice. Everything outside was coated in a layer of ice; cars, trees, sidewalks, buildings, everything. When I went into the backyard later in the day, as the temperatures began to warm up, the ice started to melt off the trees and was crashing around me. The ice had molded around the branches and so it was all in these funny half-cylinders.

Our backyard looked as though it was covered in shattered glass. So eerie and weird. I am glad we had minimal damage and only were without power for a few hours! I feel for those people who have had more damage to both their houses and cars. One of my friends had to contact some of the most popular roofing companies austin has to offer after her roof was badly damaged by the weather. Water can cause so many problems where your property is concerned so if you notice any damage to your roof after a storm, it is vital that you contact someone to carry out any necessary repairs. This could be as simple as doing a quick google search into something like hail damage roofing austin, for example, to find a professional who can get the roof repaired and looking as good as new.

If it wasn’t for the fact that my friend needed to get her roof repaired due to the consequences of the storm, she would never have noticed that her gutters had taken a big hit too. She’s never had her gutters cleaned before and she probably had a lot of debris in there, and with the added pressure of the ice, it forced a break in her system. I thought that having her roof fixed was bad enough, let alone needing to have the gutters repaired too. In the end, she decided to contact someone similar to this Clean Pro Gutter Cleaning Chicago company who were able to repair her gutters to their former function, as well as giving them a good clear out at the same time. It turns out that there was a lot of debris in there so it has been recommended to her that she gets them cleared out every couple of months so that the likelihood of this happening again is slim. This is probably something that we should do as well, just to ere on the side of caution.

That being said, at least it’s relatively straight forward for car damage, as they can look around for different auto hail damage repair firms to repair any damage. Houses however sometimes need restructuring if they suffer heavy damage which is far more serious.