duck in rain.

February 26, 2012 by mama lola

there are days when i feel raw.
raw and vulnerable to the world. to its people, judgements, and words.

today, someone close to me said things that were hurtful. this person made judgements about me and how i mother. i was deeply pained by the comments and now in hindsight wish so desperately i could have returned with some hefty comebacks. instead, i stuttered something pathetic and felt doubt creep into my mind about how i mother.

i must be stronger and stand like a duck in rain, allowing the negative comments roll off of my back and shatter on to the floor into millions of insignificant pieces.

[ sad eyed lion ]

i will end on a lighter note…

to help clear my mood i stumbled upon this, while checking facebook. artist simon beck walked and created these awe inspiring geometric shapes into snow. follow the link to find more pictures.

happy saturday night, folks!

kitchen upgrade!

February 23, 2012 by mama lola

i’ve never liked the kitchen in our sweet little house. it’s small and everything was always poorly placed. this is where we were last summer. well, after some serious tweaking on our part, i think we have cheaply re-designed the space without actually doing any renovations! we returned the large country-style cabinet to dear hubby’s folks. although it was practical for storage, the size and dark colour of the piece was overwhelming in our kitchen and removing it brightened the space so much.

[ old walls were a hideous dark blue/green and have been painted white since & old fridge replaced. ]

[ i took these pictures amidst dinner prep, hence the pots and stuff every where! ]

dear hubby put up some simple open shelves for items that are pretty, and things we use often. (that’s the corner the old heavy cabinet used to occupy.) obviously i need to do some finalizing and arranging, and put pictures up and so forth, but hopefully you can recognize the difference from before to present.
we also went to IKEA and purchased a big island that fits perfectly under our big window. it’s so amazing and brings me joy every day.

now, the terrible pine cabinets, which i loathe, aren’t as bad somehow.

Now the kitchen has been basically done we have been thinking about tackling the bathroom! I’m not saying it looks bad but some renovation can be good, especially in a bathroom, sealants can get worn away, glass can become loose and cabinets can have a few scrapes and cracks in them, (curtesy of the children!) so it is bound to eventually happen. We have been looking at tile designs and colour schemes as well as seamless shower doors to give it a crisp look without the hassel of bulky white sealant all around. It’s a dream but an attainable one at that! Afterwards, who knows what we’ll tackle next, but the work never stops!

*******
we have a four-legged house guest. he has a silly tail and a ridiculous face.
HORATIO!

the kids are over joyed and today we went to the pet store and bought some stinky liver treats for him. i’m not sure who was happier, bear dishing out the goods or horatio gobbling them up! he has great difficulty on our unusually sized stairs and at night dear hubby carries the beast up for bed. horatio fell down the stairs once and it was pretty heartbreaking. his proportions are so distorted and disturbing, which make it difficult for him to move with any agility. he also struggles on our hard wood and linoleum floors, so we’ve placed a contemporary rug accordingly creating a path from the front of the house to the back. he slips if they’re not there and kinda panics! poor guy! Speaking of rugs, I’ve actually been looking at getting some new ones from a website like Topteppiche. Ours are looking very tatty at the minute and I think it’s definitely time for an upgrade! Since we had the kitchen done, they don’t really match the new decor so I’m currently looking for a couple of new rugs similar to the ones we already have. I’m actually really enjoying doing all of this furniture shopping. It’s so fun!

to trust or not to trust.

February 21, 2012 by mama lola

it’s been a tough week for me as a mama.

bear has been exhibiting behaviours that are uncalled for, which combined with his social anxieties, make him tough company to keep. last week during a play date at our house he and his buddy dumped (and when i say dumped, i mean emptied) three big bottles of kiddie paint all over the art room table, which then dripped in chunks onto the carpeted floor. the whole situation was shocking and took forever for my friend to steam clean the rug. (luckily she lives close by and was able to hop in the car and get her machine in the first place! thanks mamaS!) I was thinking about buying Bazaar Velvet: Handcrafted Designer and Custom Rugs from London, UK but I’m scared they’ll get ruined last our last rug did!

[post painting lunch]

[baby A, about 10 days old. i was trying to take his picture with one hand i was holding him with my other.
he is precious.]

that incident made me realize, that although it was out of character for bear, that maybe that’s the whole point of behaviour like that. kids are given too much trust or freedom and then they push the limits with obscene behaviour like paint dumping or hitting friends or slamming doors or whatever. bear is working on earning his trust back and is allowed limited time alone upstairs unsupervised whether alone or on a play date, at home or someone else’s house. i think it’s the only way to really make him understand what trust and freedom actually are. i mean, after all i’m now going to be looking into this Rug Cleaning Melbourne Eastern Suburbs company to have my carpet and rug cleaned properly. here’s to hoping bear has learned his lesson.

[play date fun with friends]

but, it’s tough for me as his mama. i never thought that would be my kid, right? and everyone i talk to about these behaviours echoes their surprise “oh, that really doesn’t sound like bear”. it’s hard to know who he is sometimes. he is this growing, evolving person who is learning how to navigate the world and tests the boundaries in all sorts of ways. i guess this age also includes being intentionally mean, whether physically or verbally.
i feel sick just writing about this.

[beautiful missE]

my gut says some of this is related to his anxiety. he always, ALWAYS has various sized meltdowns in new situations and unfamiliar places, but also just places that are not our home. this weekend we went on the fairy hike, where he cried upon arrival, and here’s how our conversation sounded the following night at dinner…
bear: i cried yesterday at the new place.
me: yup. you did. it’s ok to cry, do you know why you cried?
bear: because we were at someone’s else’s house and i wanted to be home.
(the hike started at the nature centre, which is looks like an old house)

i’m hugging him more. picking him up and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

i’m going to stop here…
i’m tired.
i obviously need some ideas on how to deal with all of this, i would love to hear your opinions. and any book recommendations would be appreciated as well.

looking for fairies.

February 19, 2012 by mama lola

we went on a fairy hunt on saturday with friends. it was an exciting trek through the the wilds of high park, in the big city. it was organized through the nature centre. and although bear had a difficult time initially, he eventually warmed up to the two hour hike looking for these magical forest dwellers.

we waited for chickadees to come and eat seeds from sassyS’s hand. along the hike we collected materials to build fairy huts and learned about the wonders of nature. there was also some tree lovin’ and hugging!

we had a guide, john, who was wonderful. he taught the children (and adults) all sorts of details about the environment we live in. it was great!

at the end, as we were heading back to the car, i fell on a super muddy hill and slid down a few metres in the grossness. i didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so i grumbled through smiles.

HAPPY FAMILY DAY LONG-WEEKEND!!!!

bow tie tutorial: how to make your own!

February 16, 2012 by mama lola

the first bow tie i made for bear was a few years ago for my sister-law’s wedding.
since then i’ve made a few more for various special occasions.

materials:
fabric
thread
scissors
pins
elastic

basic instructions:
choose your fabric. synthetics and silks tend to fray and be much more slippery when sewing, so more patience may be necessary as well!

1. fold fabric in half and cut out two rectangles simultaneously. then, ensure the “right side” of the fabric is facing each other and pin the two pieces of fabric together.

2. sew the pieces together, following along with the rectangle shape, remembering to leave an opening so that the fabric can be turned right side out. it’s also a good idea to enforce the stitching on either sides of the opening. i typically leave 3 cm’s. i just wing it with my machine only eyeballing the straight lines.

3. turn the fabric side side out and then sew up the opening by hand.

4. now repeat the first three steps with rectangles of fabric that are a touch smaller than the first rectangle. when the bow tie is cinched and put together it gives it more depth.

5. cut another two rectangles out, this time wanting it to be long and skinny. this piece is going to cinch the bow tie in the middle and essentially hold it all together.

6. now there’s two ways to sew the middle section.
a) the proper way: place the two rectangle pieces (or take one larger piece and fold it in half) facing each other with the wrong side showing. sew three sides leaving one of the ends open. then turn it right side out. you may want to you use something like a pen or a kitchen utensil of sorts to help move the fabric as the piece is going to small and finicky.
b) the lazy way: place the rectangle pieces together with the right side showing and sew the one side creating a tube.

7. take the two larger bow rectangles, placing the smaller of the two on top of the other an dthen take the long, middle piece and wrap it around the centre. depending on if you went the proper or lazy way of sewing, make sure you tuck and raw edges and hide any imperfections.

8. sew up the ends of the middle sections by hand, ensuring the bow tie stays in shape. some people like to attach the middle piece to the bow section.

9. now add your elastic. loop it under the middle, cinching fabric and the sew the ends by hand. kids typically like them slightly loose and if you’re making one for a special occasion then you can tuck it nicely under the collar of a shirt.

let me know if these instructions make sense!

good luck!

valentine’s day birthday.

February 14, 2012 by mama lola

today is bear’s fourth birthday.

i have travelled down memory lane several times today and have had tears rolling down my cheeks as i remember the day my sweet boy was born. that was the day that i was thrust into motherhood; the day i became ÄITI. after a long labour, my midwives finally said “reach down and grab your baby”, and i did. there he was all 8 pounds of baby already in my arms and lying so comfortably on my chest. i couldn’t take my eyes off of him. i was quickly falling in love with this precious little person.

>> fast forward four years >>
it’s kind of nice to have a birthday on a regular ol’ weekday day. this tuesday was and is like so many. in the morning bear was off to preschool, while lion and i did some grocery shopping and ran some other errands. but, then for lunch we did something EXTRA special as a family. we went out for lunch at a local sushi restaurant, which was so much fun. the kids love sushi and to be in a restaurant during the day with all of us was so special.

i made bear a special shirt with a big 4 on it. he was quite pleased to wear out, with his bow tie of course!

a friend sent me this, 100 ways to be kind to your child. sometimes, even during the best of times a gentle reminder of kindness is welcome.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

i feel the love.

February 13, 2012 by mama lola

today we celebrated our sweet bear turning four. we had a small handful of friends and family over. we munched on dear hubby’s delicious homemade pizza, soup and of course birthday cake!

last night bear started to express some anxiety about turning four and the changes that would take place. he sat in my lap, holding back a cry as he told me he didn’t want to have a party or turn four. bear was worried about his clothes not fitting him anymore, and going to a new school in the fall. oh my! such real worries, and tough for someone so little to process alone. luckily, bear was able to overcome his worries, at least for today, and enjoy his party.

so, today we celebrated. it was such a wonderful party; the kids had fun as did the adults. lion fell asleep in his mummo’s arms just after everyone arrived.

this wee fella was a big hit with everyone. he was so quiet and sweet. i was lucky enough to hold him for a few minutes and his tiny body was such a delight in my arms. he really made my uterus ache!

our youngest guest at 9 days of age. what a delight!

the cake was designed baked by bear, with some assistance from dear hubby and the two of them decorated it together. bear decided after his third birthday that for his fourth birthday he wanted a triangle cake. all year he has been reminding us of this request and today it came to fruition. such a funny request!

what a (chapped) smile!
today i felt the love for my boy from so many people. it is a wonderful thing to witness your child interact with his peers in a respectable, kind, and loving way. bear has some friends now. real friends. friends whom he asks about, actually remembers, and looks forward to spending time with.

do you see the bow ties the kids are wearing? i made them for the kiddos instead of handing out loot bags. they all loved ’em! i posted a tutorial, because they are super easy to make!

G’NIGHT!

gone global.

February 11, 2012 by mama lola

this blogging thing has been quite an interesting ride. the behind the scenes details have been fun to follow, like in which countries my blog has been viewed, how many people have viewed the blog today or in the last week, and what posts are most popular, just to name a few. as of this morning bear & lion has been viewed in every continent, except down in the deep cold of antarctica. i actually know of someone who is there right now and dear hubby teased me to ask them to check out the blog down there, but really, i’m not that eager!

thanks for the support and love. i love connecting with people through this forum and am always so excited when i hear people have read my entries. i especially love the thoughtful comments some of you leave. i try to respond to them quickly and sincerely.

when i first started bear & lion i would post a link on facebook informing everyone a new entry had been written and then it just became habit. unfortunately, that’s where i get so many comments and not on here. i have decided to cease posting on facebook about the blog. i am sure my readership will decrease, as now, people will have to take a little effort to read what’s going on with us, but so be it. (effort as in subscribing, or bookmarking the page!)

*****
i have a million things to do today in preparation for bear’s fourth birthday party tomorrow. we got lots and lots of snow last night, so the guys are out there shovelling.
*****
this is me four years ago, waiting and waiting for bear to arrive.
here’s the birth story.

xoxoxox

granola mama, crunch, crunch.

February 10, 2012 by mama lola

this has been circulating on facebook, did you see it?

i think it’s hilarious, because this crunchy mama is such an extreme stereotype of what it means to be a crunchy mama. she mentions many of the key ideas that crunchy parents tend to do differently than mainstream parents, like opting to co-sleep, baby-wear, homebirth, cloth diaper, and opting for more natural health solutions like eating garlic or taking spirulina! i don’t like her judgemental tone about how other mamas mother, as she’s assuming her choices are best. which may be true for her family, but perhaps not for others.

[we are avid baby-wearers, both of us. above, lion at a few weeks old and still quite yellow from the jaundice. below, bear is conked out on dear hubby’s back at about 14 months of age.]

i tend to mother on the crunchier side of the spectrum. sometimes i feel like i shove attachment parenting beliefs down people’s throats, other times i feel as though i am not vocal enough about things like the positives of co-sleeping with a baby (especially a breastfed newby). i’ve actually become quite low key about breastfeeding, which when bear was a baby was a hot topic for me. some of you may remember my 30 seconds of fame a few years back when the local CTV station came to our house and interviewed me about facebook attacking women who post pictures of themselves breastfeeding.
(i tried to search CTV’s site for the clip, but alas, their search only goes until 2010. perhaps if i switched my facebook page to the new timeline format i could find it. sigh.)

this is the picture facebook found offensive and removed. i think, now, it is available again for viewing in my profile pictures. to me, this picture reminds of a time when bear was about 10 months, learning to walk and feeling pretty sensitive with his new found independence. you can see the tears as a result of probably colliding with a table corner or something! this is a mama nurturing her baby, nothing else.

although i am still a HUGE advocate of breastfeeding, i think my focus and passions in my mothering career are evolving with the needs of my kids and family. as we prepare for the world of academia and school, i am becoming aware that my role as a SAHM/ homemaker is only in its early years. even when my kids are both in all day school i will still be the mom who is available to volunteer in the classroom, field trips and is always nearby. perhaps i will take on part-time work, but for us and our family, having a parent home is the only way we can do this parenting thing. maybe one day dear hubby will be the one who is home in the afternoons and doing school pick ups and making dinner, who knows. but one thing i do know is, one of us will be here. always.

it is very frustrating when i hear people comment “oh, i wish i could afford to stay at home like you”. it makes it sound as though we are millionaires and truth be told we are far from that. it just means that what we deem important, and what is worth sacrificing, is different from the mainstream parents i think. we live in a small house, 2 bedrooms and one-and-half stories, no big tv’s here, one car, and lots of second-hand furniture and clothes. i could go on, but i’m sure my point is made.
all families and parents make sacrifices; we chose to sacrifice on material items so that i can stay home. like everything in life, these are the choices we made.

oh, the joys of baby-led-weaning! here’s bear and his beautiful spaghetti face! I’m really glad we chose to do led-weaning with him. My friend told me to check out best for mums to learn about it and after doing lots of research, I decided it was definitely something that I wanted to do!

hump day!

February 9, 2012 by mama lola

bear is officially registered for school! his upcoming fourth birthday and getting him signed up for school are all coinciding, which emphasizes his growing up faster than i can keep up. we’ve had some long in depth conversations about what school is, what he’ll do there, who will be there and the purpose of it all. he’s worried that he doesn’t know how to read or that he doesn’t have a lunch bag. sweet bear! i think i will make a simple velcro bag for his lunch and then i can personalize it to his taste. i’ll also make some more reusable baggies so we can do the whole garbage free lunch, which is so easy to do and such an important lesson for the kids.

today bear zipped up his own jeans. what? are you kidding me? i mentioned to him last week that he will have to learn how to do all of these clothing things on his own in preparation for school. last week he unbuttoned a dress shirt on his own. he really isn’t three anymore and has moved onto four.
i am bursting with pride!

i’m getting my hair done this friday. it’s a big deal and worth writing about, because i so rarely go to the hairdresser’s. i am so excited as i will get my hair done and then for date night dear hubby and i will go see pina!

i get goosebumps watching the trailer.
i love dance.
and bikers.

it’s supposed to snow on friday. going for bike rides in february seems ludicrous… in canada! and looking at our dismal backyard, i really hope we get some big ol’ white flakes. If so, it would be just in time for bear’s birthday!