the birth of a lion: revisited

July 8, 2011 by mama lola

lion was born on the 8th of july in 2010. it was a thursday and it was bloody hot. we chose his birthday as he had to be born via c-section due to my pituitary gland tumour. it was supposed to be routine and nothing was supposed to happen, but mistakes were made and we almost lost our little lion.
i continue to struggle with his birth and often wonder if we were proactive enough. perhaps we should have asked more questions, demanded second or third opinions, but in the haze of my own recovery i remember feeling powerless and bullied.

he was born at a highly specialized hospital with various specialists and a high risk obstetrician in the operating room. i had to be put under, because a spinal, which is usually given to c-section mums, presented its own risks for my unusual situation. i remember walking into that cold, grey room. people were talking and helping me onto the table and all i could think of was that my little guy would be born alone. i would be out cold and dear hubby was not allowed into the room. i was sobbing so hard tears were streaming into my ears, but i couldn’t wipe them away as i was to lay still while they poked me with needles and monitors.

they tried to reassure me, but my guilt was all encompassing.
mother’s guilt.

my fucking tumour. in my fucking head. on my fucking gland.
this was all my fucking fault.

lion was a surprise breach, which meant they couldn’t get him out as quickly as they wanted to, which meant he received too much of the general anaesthetic, which meant his vitals crashed. he was cut from my body and literally someone ran with him out of the operating room to another room, while trying to resuscitate him. dear hubby was witness to this, as he was waiting outside our OR.

as the next few days came and went, i felt it necessary to put on an act of sanity, togetherness and composure, but inside i was flailing. on one hand i was trying to recover from my own surgery and deal with the obstacles it presented. and on the other, i was trying to deal with a baby i wasn’t allowed to hold or touch, who couldn’t breathe on his own and needed constant medical intervention. while all of this was happening at the hospital, my darling two year old bear was desperately struggling with all of this stress and anxiety.

we were all a mess.

but….

today, one year after the fact we have come a long way baby! our lion fought hard that first week and has since been a happy, thriving baby. he has never stopped smiling and the joy he exudes is inspiring. we are so very lucky to have a beautiful, healthy lion in our family.

i don’t know if i will ever truly “get over” the details of his birth and shed the guilt i have carried thus far. revisiting his birth day has brought back waves of emotions, but really, it is what it is and there isn’t anything i can do about it now. i am in awe of him and his brother, bear, and feel lucky to be their äiti.

HYVÄÄ SYNTYMÄPÄIVÄÄ PIKKU LEIJONA!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

we sang o’ canada countless times on friday.

July 7, 2011 by mama lola

canada day.
canada. hungary. anthems. music. noon. bourbon. tradition. food. trampoline. bacon. hot dogs. muffins. fire. conversation. beer. friends. hammock. trees. family. love. laughter. blue skies. sunshine. baseball. hats. smiles.

cottage.

family. friends. traditions. swimming. splashing. playing. burning building. cabin. sunsets. sleep. water. loons. naps. chipmunks. forest. trees. pine cones. sticks. waves. boats. canoeing. books. newspapers. conrad black. conversations. tears. memories. history. rock. beer. wine. shandies. food. bbq. deer. flowers. flashlights. walking. advice. raccoons. lost glasses.

and then we’ll do it all again next year!

here and now.

July 1, 2011 by mama lola

my thoughts and feelings are in hyper drive these days, so here is a teeny peek into what’s going on.

i feel…
~ sadness surrounding my heart as the anniversary of lion’s birth is sitting in the horizon.
~ optimistic for our future.
~ joy watching my children play together.
~ confusion about my place in my life…. should i go back to school in september?
~ scared of the dark unknowns in life.
~ love for my hubby; it’s been a difficult couple of months, but united we stand.
~ thrilled for our upcoming summer adventures.
~ happy to be planning a first birthday party for lion.
~ excited watching bear. he is on the brink of something huge!
~ thrilled to see some good friends tomorrow and catch up!

***********************
we’re getting ready for a long weekend adventure. it’s CANADA DAY tomorrow and it means we’re off to the annual bacon fry celebrations with a fantastic family and then hitting the cottage. here’s a picture of roo, bear and myself a year ago. don’t look too closely as the picture is not flattering, but it represents what we have lost and gained this past year. we are coming full circle in one week.

oooooooohhhhh canada, our home and native land……

river side picnic and lobster tag.

June 28, 2011 by mama lola

dear hubby and i hit the road on our bikes, with the kids in the chariot and headed to the river. it’s only about a 5 minute bike ride away. i had packed a picnic lunch and we biked until we found the perfect spot for eating and then some exploring.

lion was tired and had a lovely park nap, while bear horsed around expending serious amounts of energy!

here’s a game of lobster tag at its best. bear is the lobster and is chasing dear hubby all over the playground. it’s a fun game and after lion woke up from his nap, the lobster came after him as well!

i love the chariot and think it’s the best BIG money we have spent in a while. it’s so light and easy and the kids are great in it. our town has increased the number of bike lanes, which makes me feel a bit safer cruising around.

HAPPY TRAILS!

treeplanting, it’s in our blood.

June 26, 2011 by mama lola

as many of you know, dear hubby and i met and fell madly in love up north in the woods while working as treeplanters. this weekend we were able to pass the legacy on and teach bear a little bit about trees and how to plant them.

it all started a few months ago when the kids at bear’s pre-school received some seeds from a local nursery and planted them. after watering and caring for them, the seeds grew into tiny seedlings that the kids were quite proud of.

it’s all thanks to a this amazing local program that reforests parks, schools and even private homes for free. it’s funded through tax dollars and is quite a unique program run by volunteers.

the kids got their picture taken by a photographer from community paper. here’s an example of the kinda silly faces the kids were putting on. two questions a) why can’t kids smile naturally? b) why does bear not even look at me when i’m trying to take his picture, never mind smile/ grimace? i get his picture by chance usually!!!

there was situation with a bee, but lil’C (in the curls and hair band) took control of the situation and told everyone to stand back.

happy days ahead!
go plant a tree!

schoooools out for the sum-mah!

June 26, 2011 by mama lola

bear has been attending a lovely pre-school since last september. as some people may recall from my facebook statuses, it was a difficult transition for bear to make. there were buckets of tears and gallons of “i don’t wanna’s” and hours of fighting getting him strapped into the dreaded car seat.
but, then one day it stopped being a battle and he started asking to go to pre-school. in the mornings he was easier to dress and get in the car, and there were no tears. well, certainly not about going to school, perhaps about having to wear shoes or whatever.

bear was tremendously lucky as he had two amazing, loving and committed teachers who helped him find his independence. remember, he was only two-and-a-half when he started with a brand new baby brother at home and mama who had been away after the birth. plus, we were still in the throws of toilet training, so we were all quite emotional. bear’s teachers acknowledged his sweet, quiet side and let him be silent for months. apparently he never spoke until after christmas! shocking!
but then the flood gates opened, even at home and all of these songs and stories about his friends at school came rushing out. bear had found confidence in himself to share with us parts of his life that do not really include us. pre-school is his own thing.

bear and his friend lil’C on the last day of school on thursday, standing proudly by their hooks; bear dashing out the front door.

well, today after months of heading out on tuesdays and thursdays, was the big GRADUATION celebration. it was the loudest, cutest and most chaotic event ever! unfortunately due to the rain we were not able to celebrate outside at the park, but were stuck inside.

first the kids and caregivers got to run some morning beans out in the gym. there were plenty of toys for all the kids to play with.

check out the beautiful hand collage the kids made; oddly, bear’s hand was missing two fingers!

the kids put on a show for the adults. with the help of one of their AMAZING teachers they sung a few songs, which made me a little teary eyed. the cuteness was so overwhelming!

at the end of the performance each pre-schooler received a t-shirt with the school’s name on it and a bucket and shovel. pretty fancy stuff; bear was over the moon!

i’ve tried to explain to bear that he will not be going to pre-school for a few months as it is summer. he seems very confused. he’ll be back in the fall and won’t start real school until the fall, of 2012, which i am secretly relieved about. i’m not quite ready for him to grow up so fast!

there’s a little bit of gypsy in me.

June 23, 2011 by mama lola

dear hubby and i have been watching this fascinating documentary on youtube about gypsies in the UK. it’s made for the BBC. each episode of the series focuses on the important stages of one’s life; birth, communion, marriage and death. men and women have very specific roles and defined boxes which they must fit into. their lives are ruled by old, strict traditions, which have been influenced by modern times. worth a look.

the part of me that’s a little bit gypsy, is the yearning for movin’ and travelin’. a part of me has the yearning to move all the time; get up and go, find a new adventure. i grew up on the move and i feel quite fortunate to have experienced so much of the world before adulthood, thanks to my folks. we moved around, because my dad’s job gave us those opportunities. i was born and grew up mostly in finland, although a year of that was spent in england and almost two years in australia, until we landed on the shores of kanata and settled in t-dot. in and around these big moves we travelled as my parents were (and still are) big on experiencing new cultures. i don’t want to brag, (or do i?), but i have visited over 20 different countries and have lived in 5. i feel very fortunate.

dear hubby has also lived overseas in a couple of places and has travelled lots. that was one thing that made him so attractive at planting; he was straight off the plane from living and working on a brazilian cashew farm for the winter. dude was muscular and tanned! yum!

wasted at carnival in recife, 2001.

dear hubby and i lived in china together. he took off right after planting, right before 9-11 and i joined him on my birthday, december 28th in 2001. in china we taught english to make a (very small) living, but it was enough to see the country from top to bottom. going to china after the love of my life was the best thing i ever did- look at us now!

china pics 2002: dear hubby when he was still dear boyfriend sleeping on the (slow) train to xi’an from zhenjiang; i’m the blonde on a hard seat train from nanjing to zhenjiang; that’s me checking out the metal wares in kashghar; dear hubby and i at huangshan (yellow mountain) with wild monkeys in the trees.

i hope desperately that we can offer bear and lion similar opportunities to see the world. it is expensive to get on the plane, but for so much of the world, once you are there it’s cheap to eat and get around. i want my kids to be curious about other people and other places that are unfamiliar and brave enough to jump in when they can. it’s not easy to travel from one country to another, and although i sometimes wish i had stronger and longer roots to a place, i am still glad my parents chose to ship us around a few times.

our trip to finland 2008: bear learned to move at iso-mummo’s; at hietalahden flea market with bear on my back; dear hubby with bear in front of kiasma the modern art gallery in helsinki.

korvapuusti.

June 21, 2011 by mama lola

in our family dear hubby is the baker and i am the cook. he is much better at the meticulous measuring and the precision the finicky details need. one of dear hubby’s specialties are KORVAPUUSTIT. they’re a finnish version of the always tasty cinnamon bun.
my mom told dear hubby that my mummo would have been impressed with his korvapuusti, as his taste as good as hers did. i think he has a knack for making them because he follows the directions to a “T”, it says knead dough for 10 minutes and he does, throwing his upper body into the movement to really get the ingredients interacting.

for father’s day dear hubby and the boys baked away for a few hours. bear suggested putting some apple in, which to our delight tasted amazing! these are delightful to make as you can choose the sizes of the individual puusti and get the kids involved.

here’s the recipe from a cookbook of traditional finnish recipes by an american woman who married a finn. the recipe is quite good. let me know if you try them!

INGREDIENTS:
DOUGH:
1 package active dry yeast
1/4 cup warm water
2 cups scalded whole milk
3/4 cup sugar
11/2 tsp salt
6-7 cups flour
1/2 cup butter

INSIDE FILLING:
1/2 cup cinnamon sugar

* or get creative and use nuts, fruit, dried fruit, jams, spreads etc.

GLAZE:
1 egg

INSTRUCTIONS:
– dissolve the yeast in the water and add the milk, sugar, salt, and half of the flour. mix vigorously for one minute.
– stir in butter and enough of the remaining flour to make a stiff dough.
– knead until smooth, about 10 minutes
– place dough in greased bowl and let rise in a warm location until size has doubled. may take up to 2-3 hours depending on current temperature.
– pre-heat oven to 375 F
– roll out half the dough into a 12 by 18 inch rectangle.
– spread with butter (DH melts butter and brushes it on) and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar.
– roll rectangle firmly into a log roll.
– cut roll diagonally to make triangular:ish pieces and press down on centre of each korvapuusti spreading out the cut ends.
– glaze each korvapuusti with egg.
– place rolls onto greased baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes or until golden.
– do the same with the other half of the dough.

happy father’s day!

June 19, 2011 by mama lola

here’s wishing all the daddy’s and papa’s out there a wonderful day!

to nap or not to nap, that is the question.

June 18, 2011 by mama lola

the warm summer breezes have brought with them new changes to our trusted routine. bear is bursting at the seams with growth and it really shows. every day i look at him in awe as he looks bigger, says things that blow me away and, get this, needs an afternoon nap. if he doesn’t get an afternoon nap in, he turns into a growly beast who screams and stomps and carries on.

bear dropped his last nap a year ago when we moved into our house. i was a huge pregnant mama desperate for my own afternoon siesta, so instead of napping, we introduced the colourful world of DVD’s to bear.

now, i have no idea where things stand with his sleep schedule. his cycle seems to be shifting quite significantly and throw in this huge growth spurt and i guess we’re napping for now.