falling for fall.

October 2, 2011 by mama lola

october has arrived in full force. the temperature has dropped dramatically and the crisp air outside is blowing fallen leaves briskly. the sun is fighting to show off its glory and every so often as the clouds race along, the warm rays shine down making for a beautiful fall day.

my kids and dear hubby were all eager to get out there and get to work. bear is the kind of kid who is not afraid of the elements or cooler temperatures, he in fact thrives in the fall/ winter months. he’s kind of like me and wilts in the heat and humidity of the summer. the poor kid has been asking for winter since june! Thus lion, whose goal in life is to be like bear, also wants to go outside and play. although he complains as we get all the layers on, he seems happy enough to be wherever bear is.

this time of year is a reminder of the frightening storm that began two years ago. it was october when i became unexpectedly pregnant with lion and the migraines came on strong soon after. that fall i was taking a few uni courses for my women’s studies degree and i remember struggling with the readings as my head would just be pounding. i was exhausted, so exhausted that i would drag myself around town taking bear, then about 18 months to the park or play dates, grocery shopping or wherever.

i’m off for my annual MRI tonight. gotta get it done to make sure my wee pituitary gland is tumour free. i am scared and nervous and a wreck. my friend, mamaM is a tech at the hospital and she will be doing my imaging tonight. she’s also the one who did the MRI when my tumour was first discovered. it’s nice to know a familiar and kind voice will be checking in with me as i endure the claustrophobic loud banging in that uncomfortable tube. i wont get the results until december.

fingers crossed everyone.
i am scared.

from zero to rage.

September 28, 2011 by mama lola

I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. Lately both boys have been waking up before the crack of dawn, before the sun has woken up, before it’s natural. Slowly we tromp down the stairs and munch on our cereal. The kids are fine, but I’m like a zombie barely able to keep my eyes open, blinking away the fuzzies of the night, anxiously waiting for my coffee to brew. I have thought about taking some energy supplements that can give my body that little boost to push away the fatigue, there is a total restore deal that I’ve been told about and can look at, I just don’t know yet. I’ll wait and see if my coffee needs it’s own pick me up first.

Today was a tough day for us. We were up at dawn and by the afternoon I had a pair of whiny kids on my hands. I tried to keep my cool by caffeinating myself through-out the day, maintaining my own blood sugars at a reasonable level by snacking on fruit or nuts and by ensuring the kids needs are met before the inevitable sh*t hits the fan.

By the time dear hubby got home this evening the boys and I were all feeling the weight of our tiredness. bear didn’t want to eat the cod chowder I made (which was amazing btw) and lion’s bum had exploded in a rash just before dinner (again). I barely spoke as I could feel my exhaustion turning to rage under my skin. I can still feel it as I type this, and the guys are all upstairs having a bath.

lion ate some blue chalk. then he barfed.

then he nursed.

It’s the nonsense that is brought nightly to the dinner table, the kicking of my chair saying the food is “yucky”. It’s the daily fights that start in the morning with getting dressed, of getting teeth brushed and getting out the door on time. There’s the BS with car seats, with grabbing toys from lion’s tiny hand, with spitting and screaming in lion’s face… I could go on. you get the point.

Today I feel like I have had enough. I feel like I could walk through that door and not look back.
please don’t judge me, until you have walked a mile in my shoes or lived a day in my world.

Peace.

oreo cupcakes.

September 28, 2011 by mama lola

holy moly cupcakes batman! we had a wee belated birthda fam-jam at our house on the weekend. mother nature put on her finest and presented us with brunch weather that could not have been more perfect. we enjoyed dear hubby’s famous crepes and other delicious food. for the cake, bear wanted to make cupcakes so i found these over the top oreo cheesecake ones. bear helped bake while lion napped and they were easy and AMAZING! super sweet and nothing healthy about ’em, especially since we slapped on some icing and decorated them with jelly candies. but, they were a hit!

let me know if you try the recipe!

bursting with pride.

September 26, 2011 by mama lola

sometimes i find myself bursting with pride for my kids. sometimes they say or do things that blow my mind and leave me in awe. sometimes they are thoughtful and sympathetic and sometimes they behave exceptionally in overwhelming situations.

at our house bear and lion are on an upward climb on the developmental ladder. lion is walking so well, and able to climb on and off all sorts of obstacles. he is jabbering a lot and i have heard a few words too, like daddy, äiti and up.he is able to communicate more with incessant pointing and squeaking, which is annoying, yes, but usually gets his needs met. he is also sleeping well in the night and in the morning he climbs out of his own bottom bunk walks down the hall to my room and wakes me so i can pick him up for a morning nurse and cuddle session. it is sweet and lovely.

bear drew a picture of bubba and blake for their birthday picture.
he also coloured the yellow hearts. our little picasso.

bear’s vocabulary is booming. today he asked what “adiculous” (ridiculous) meant. he often places an “A” sound at the beginning of words. he is also able to verbalize consequences to actions in a way that i turn around and ask “who told you that?” and he often says “me, i did”. little smarty pants! his memory in frighteningly sharp and he can easily tell me what he wore to so and so’s birthday party or if i promised some specific food for after ballet, days earlier. he remembers who gifted him what and when.

my kids aren’t geniuses or ahead of the norms, but as their mama i am currently bursting with pride as i watch them grow out of babyhood into toddlerhood and from toddlerhood into kidhood.

i am understanding the bitter-sweetness of motherhood as my little guys grow. our youngest is not a baby any more, so ideas and thoughts about a third have been dancing in my head a lot lately and this is the conclusion i have come to. at this time i am 32, half done my women’s studies degree and so i have decided to be selfish and take the next few years and focus on finishing my degree. i want to complete it so desperately and was on a roll two years ago, but then i shockingly got pregnant and then even more shockingly discovered my tumour, so my degree got put on hold. now i am healthy and my kids are bigger and i want to at least get the school ball rolling again in january. fingers crossed!

my hope is that my kids one day look back on their childhood and feel that tingly sensation for me. i want them to recognize the sacrifices i made for them and the success that ultimately evolved from them for them and for me. i want them to burst with pride.

with love.

September 24, 2011 by mama lola

first, i want to let everyone know, that mr. WJ is going strong and has been home for the last couple of days. our friends’ four year old had some health concerns and he has been diagnosed with asthma, but the family is feeling positive and WJ is happy to be back to his ol’ shenanigans. xoxo

here are the overdue cottage HURRAH pictures. good times, great friends and a life time of memories!

[due to technical issues, i have started to use flickr as a way to share my pictures on this blog. i am still getting the hang of it, so please, bear with me.]

second, i wanted to acknowledge that i have not been as consistent with my writing on here, but it’s only because life has gotten a few gears busier. and i knew this would happen once the regular routine kicked in, so now i am trying to figure out when to write here.

third….
this fall has been a wonderful time of year for us. we have spent time with friends, the kids are both thriving in their own selves, dear hubby signed on as a salaried and permanent employee, instead of staying on as a contract worker, we have been able to sink some money into the house, finally, and we are planning a family road trip to new york, new york.

after the storms of recent past, it feels wonderful to have the peace and calm of health and happiness. i feel very lucky to be where we are now, considering the struggles we have had to endure. it must be that darn eternal optimist in me attracting good karma [wink].

alive, but not always well.

September 21, 2011 by mama lola

how do we know we are alive?

[source]

we’ve had many conversations about death at our house. it’s one of those tricky discussions that i don’t want to tip toe around, but finding age appropriate descriptions of death is tricky.

but, bear has never asked what it means to be alive. and i’m not sure how i would describe it either. things that are alive, grow, change colour and, um, die. some things that are alive think, feel, bleed, swim, fly, move, dance. others chew their food, hunt, etc, etc.

“Dip dip dive so-socialize
Open up your ears and clean out your eyes
If you learn to love you’re in for a surprise
It could be nice to be alive”
from: Alive by: Beastie Boys

******
we just enjoyed a beautiful weekend up at the cottage with dear friends feeling alive. the big kids frolicked amongst the trees building fairy huts and keeping their eyes peeled for bears. they discovered all sorts of wonders that mother nature creates and presents. the little kids explored closer to the adults, tasting various pine cones and sticks, while soaking in the warm september sun.

more pictures to come.

we found out today that young WJ is unwell. he is the spirited son of our friends, seen here with bear and his big sis. we wish him all the health in the world to get him back home where he belongs. i am also sending his mama sunsun, all the strength to stay positive.
we love you all.
xoxo

i don’t want to be a pirate.

September 13, 2011 by mama lola

bear has been patched. what this means is, his right eye is not getting stronger so our optometrist recommended patching up bear’s left eye. my heart crashed to the floor when dr.B told us. all i saw was fighting and tears in my future. augh. she was so great about it, giving pointers and encouraging bribery if necessary to get our ferociously opinionated three year old to wear the patch.

argh, matey!

he has to wear it for two hours each weekday while involved in a task that requires him to really use his right eyes muscles. activities like reading books, making necklaces with beads, discussing tiny stickers or colouring small, detailed pictures are ideal. but, bear is not keen on wearing the darn thing. i promised him a surprise if he wore just at tonight’s bedtime stories. the temptation of a surprise had him wearing it for about 10 seconds and then he eventually said “i don’t want a surprise”. really?

augh… i feel like this is a battle like nothing we’ve seen before. how am i going to get him to wear this unsightly, uncomfortable thing?!?! bear has really been into pirates and tonight when dear hubby tried to set a pirate scene to encourage the patch wearing for stories, bear said “i don’t want to be a pirate”. what? are you kidding me?

with pirate patch and what we call his pirate hat at story time. shiver-me-timbers!

i need to get creative with my maternal scheming and my mama bribery ways. i mean, he’s no two-and-a-half-year old being potty trained any more. no amount of stickers is going to do the trick this time. bear is an articulate, sensitive little guy who will see right through my usual tricks. i also don’t want to introduce candy or food as part of the bribery, as i have no idea how long he will need to wear the patch.

i need help. if you have any suggestions, please share your ideas with me.
thanks.

date night: first of many we hope.

September 10, 2011 by mama lola

date night started off beautifully. dear hubby came home with a stunning bouquet of flowers and i got the kids dinner made quickly. the sitter arrived and we were off. we knew from the get go it was not going to be one of those romantic dates, but it sure was nice to be out and about without that kids. maybe next time will spice it up and go somewhere romantic. at the very least we could try wearing something similar to the perfume made by True Pheromones and see if it gets us in the mood! just kidding…

dear hubby asked the florist to make a bouquet without any yellow flowers.
good man knows what i like.

so, we did what made most sense… we went fridge shopping. boy o’boy was it easy to move around looking at all the appliances, without running after a three year old down some random aisle or carrying a one year old on my hip. i never felt frustrated or flustered and actually had fun!

the fridge we bought.

the sitter did phone 20 minutes into the date as lion had stopped eating dinner and was crying quite seriously. not really the kind of information one wants to hear on a first date.

so we hit the mall! we had purchased some shoes online and they sent the wrong sizes so we wanted to deal with them without the kids hanging off of us. again, it was an easy errand without the kids and even walking through the mall was easy. then we hit the music store and bought cd’s which we haven’t done in years! so much fun!

then after another call from the sitter we decided to go home early, but then she called again 20 minutes later and said lion had fallen asleep. dear hubby drove us downtown and we had rotis for dinner. yum!

dinner.

it was not a traditional date, but it was still nice. dear hubby and i were able to talk without interruptions, which was lovely. we were able to walk and hold hands and move at a fast pace which was a wonderful change from the norm.

here’s hoping we can really make a weekly habit out of this.

love.

where i’m at.

September 7, 2011 by mama lola

ok, so i set some goals this summer for myself and the fam. i love to things to work towards and plan for. here’s where i’m at…

family dinner: well, we haven’t even started, but the plans are stewing and brewing in my head. summer’s been a bit too hectic to start new routines and family traditions. after failing to start in august it provided me an opportunity to re-think some of the family dinners and decorations i want to make. i have also assigned thursday night dinners to dear hubby, as he’s around and needs to help out at home more. we’ve arranged that he needs to give me a shopping list, so i can get the necessary ingredients, meaning he has to do some planning. i’m quite excited about this!

going green(er): the goals i set can be seen here. this is where i’m at:

grey water collection went well, but dear hubby didn’t really jump on board with it. it was tricky to get in the swing of things and find a groove, but eventually i did. i’m not sure if i’ll continue in the winter though.
i have improved with buying local and have found some interesting gifts, but i can not go into detail about them at this time. SSsssshhhhh!
paperless billing: done! I recently decided to invest in some document management software since I spend so long trying to find random documents. Now that they’re all on my computer I can easily search to find the documents at the click of the button. It’s great! And I’m saving the planet too!
this fall i will be biking to and from preschool with the kids and plan to do errands downtown while bear is in school. dear hubby has increased his bike use as well, which makes us feel good.

i still want to improve on buying in bulk, baking and making more foods from scratch and unplugging more small appliances. but the ball is rolling and we are getting better.

***

our friend from finland left, so on his final night we strolled along the boardwalk in the beach and enjoyed a cider at a local pub. great evening guys!

the beach in toronto.

the winds of change have certainly swept through this weekend. we went from a balmy +35c on saturday to a frigid +16c today (tuesday).
from this….

sweaty baby.

to this…

cords overalls and hoodies!

fall has arrived and while some kids headed back to school today, we have one last week of free time and we are taking full advantage of it. today we enjoyed a spontaneous play date with friends we haven’t seen in a long time. tomorrow we’re off to the park with other friends; the park without shade which is perfect now that the temperatures have dropped! friday we have another playdate and nature hike with friends!

a raging good time thanks to sweet malibu!

raspberry fields forever.

August 31, 2011 by mama lola

i thought it was going to be a disaster. i didn’t really even want to go when dear hubby arrived home from work early. i had tossed the entire raspberry picking trip into the garbage before it even got going.

tuesday morning was a dream. lion had a two hour nap, which is very atypical for my wee cat napper. this gave bear and i had a rare opportunity for a quiet pyjama morning together, which was wonderful.

his friends also napped. then he breastfed them all when they woke up.

but, when it was time to get dressed, brush teeth and go to the library he lost it. he pulled out all of his nonsense cards and played them hard. there were aces drawn and wild cards thrown into the mix; it was a disaster. i lost. i don’t even know how we spiralled into such chaos so quickly, but we did. luckily we also recuperated quickly, but more importantly together.

finally, after lunch, after the library (we did eventually make it out) dear hubby came home. he’s the one who got us all out the door, into the van and onto the road. and i’m glad he did. although the afternoon was bloody hot and the kids got tired quickly, i was able to pick some scrumptious berries and let my mind wander. i thought about everything and nothing all at once. you know i had one of those rare occasions of solitude, even though there were other pickers around me, that i miss so deeply.