last day of may :: watch out, it’s a vent.

June 1, 2012 by mama lola

augh. rude people in high(ish) places really get under my skin.
as you may remember last week, i thought i had lost my requisitions for my upcoming follow up MRI and blood work, that had been ordered six months ago by my neurologist and endochronologist. (if you are new here, i had a brain tumour a couple of years ago… see HERE and HERE for details). well, fortunately i did eventually find the requisition’s in the basement in last years day planner! i have already done my bloodwork and am waiting to hear back from the hospital to see when my MRI is.
before finding the forms, i called my neurologists office to see what my options were. first they hung up on me, and then one of the other receptionists was so rude to me, i actually burst into tears when i hung-up with her. bear came running in asking what the matter was. i phoned dear hubby, who got all mad at the system, as usual. anyhow, long story short my endo has a different office and receptionist, who phoned me back and was kind and generous with her time and help. luckily, i didn’t end up needing anyone’s extra help as i found the forms and have taken care of everything i can.

[ this is where the vent comes in ]… so today, i come home from picking up bear from preschool and the rude receptionist from my neuro’s office has left a long message telling me, there’s nothing she can do really and that next time i just shouldn’t lose the forms. she keeps calling me “mah dear” and uses an offensive tone of: sucks-to-be-you-but-i’m-not-gonna-try-an-help-you kinda way. she complained that i didn’t leave a fax number with her, blah, blah, blah she was calling me back and i wasn’t even home! she asked me to phone her back (since she’s obviously going out of her way to help me), but didn’t leave her number. sigh. i phoned her back and left a message three minutes after i received her message, and told her everything was taken care of and i would see her in july for my appointment. three hours later dear hubby phones saying she has now phoned his cell, complaining about my ineptness.
oh, boy!

people like her hold a lot of power, she could lose a file, misplace a date and nobody would know any different.

*****
moving on…
today is the last day of NaBloPoMo, meaning i will no longer be blogging daily. i missed a few days this month, but still i’m amazed at how often i can get to the computer. some days are easier to write about than others.

no pictures today. too tired to edit.

hope you stay on and keep checking in!
*****

group support.

May 23, 2012 by mama lola

i know i said i would fill you in on the brain tumour support group sooner, but truth be told, i had some processing to do. it was a heavy two hours.

because, the meeting was held on the monday of a long weekend, there was a small group of us. the group included tumour survivors, parents of kids living with tumours, partners of survivors and two facilitators. it was hard to hear from the mix of people, as their perspectives and situations are so different from mine. hard, because we’re talking brain tumours. sometimes cancerous.
as with anything, no two brain tumour experiences are the same.

listening to the honest accounts of the heartaches others are living with was heavy to hear. it was impossible not to take these stories and package them tightly and slip them into my heart. there they sit, not because i feel pity, but because i finally do not feel completely alone on this road. although, nobody else at the group was pregnant when they were diagnosed, or had any of the complications we endured from my tumour, but it’s not about the specifics that matter, it’s about having something that unites us: BRAIN TUMOURS.

it sounds depressing to say that, but i actually feel comforted. all this time i had no one really to unburden my reality to; yes, i have amazing friends who have always provided shoulders to cry on and have listened to the myriad of anxieties i have felt, but i’m always worried people are sick of hearing about the tumour. especially now that my tumour is gone and i’m feeling so much better. although i feel great physically, emotionally i am still quite shaky at times. every little twinge or pain anywhere in or on my head instantly has me worried the tumour has grown back. if i feel particularly tired or extremely hungry i wonder if the tumour is back.
when i look at my lion i am reminded of the tumour. of his frightening birth.
feel the stress.
the worry sits there.
always.
and it’s heavy.
these are the things that are hard to share with my friends and family. now, i feel fortunate to have this group to shed some of my worries with.

[ from HERE. ]

today i stressed about MRI and blood work requisitions being lost. i was made to feel like a complete loser by a receptionist, but in my own defence i received these papers 6 months ago. anyhow, i did eventually find them in the basement, in last years day planner!
phew! close one.
see, tumour stress is always on my radar for some reason or another!

happy hump day folks!
what stressed you out today?

a bad monday.

May 8, 2012 by mama lola

today both boys woke up with boogers ga-lore!
that means no play dates or anything fun outside the house. i didn’t want to push their wee systems, as they obviously need a rest after our busy weekend.

we played cars. decorated a box and made it the playdo box. the boys watched netflix. we ate. they horsed around. then as i was making dinner i seriously sliced my finger. let’s just say i found a huge chunk of nail on the cutting board and a part of my nail bed is exposed. there was blood.
it hurts to type.

that’s all i’m going to say for today. this mama has got to relax and wait for dear hubby to get home and do the dishes….

[ source ]

see you guys tomorrow. i promise to have something more interesting then.

i am a brain tumour survivor.

May 5, 2012 by mama lola

it is really hard for me to admit that. that i am a brain tumour survivor.

today was the brain tumour foundation of canada‘s walk/ run in our town. it was an incredibly emotional morning for me, as i met other survivors and people living with various brain tumours. the event was lovely and had such a relaxed mood, that the down side of the reason we had all come together was easy to forget.

[ cheerleaders providing entertainment! ]

i am realizing that my tumour didn’t have to be so scary, but because i was pregnant with lion, my situation was made that much worse. because we had to wait to remove the tumour until after lion’s birth, it provided it time to grow bigger and cause lots more terrible headaches, which consequently meant i was popping more prescription pain medication, which in turn meant i felt tremendous guilt and fear.

i had all these emotions going around in my mind. i actually thought that i was going to lose my life. in fact, i couldn’t remember what life was like before this diagnosis and before these headaches that caused me so much pain. i have never felt anything like it before. there was even a time during all of this that i considered looking into life insurance (read more here) because i wanted to make sure that my family had financial security should anything happen to me. yes, i was that scared that i wouldn’t make it through my treatment and pregnancy. i would be lying if i said that i wasn’t scared for my life.

if only my tumour had made itself known before or after my pregnancy with lion, i don’t think i would get so emotional about it all.

in case you are new to my blog, for a birth stories go here. but what happened was, lion was born via scheduled c-section and i was under a general anesthetic, so i was not awake for his birth and dear hubby had to wait outside the operating room. they were supposed to put me under and cut me open, so that lion wouldn’t get much of the anesthesia, but they screwed up. i was under for almost 20 minutes before lion was born, because the placenta was right at the incision site, which they were not expecting and i lost a lot of blood. lion lost all vitals at birth and was rushed off to be resuscitated, while i lay there completely out of it and dear hubby stood outside. then, a red emergency light turned on and an alarm went off outside the door to my operating room and that’s how dear hubby knew something awful had happened.

after five days at the specialty, fancy hospital lion was transferred to our local hospital, where he stayed another few nights before coming home.

i couldn’t have a vaginal birth, because they thought the pressure of pushing the baby out could cause my tumour to explode. and, i had to be put under, because the epidural (which is the norm for a c-section) is placed into your spine, the specialists were concerned that too might cause the pressure to change in my head causing the tumour to explode and kill me instantly.

and here we are today, healthy and happy.
many brain tumour patients are in fact dealing with cancer and i feel like a bit of a fraud with non-malignant macro adenoma. but still, i am so grateful i have found this group of brain tumour survivors and will start attending their support groups monthly. i wish so much, that i had been aware of their existence back when we were dealing with the tumour stuff daily. perhaps, my story can of help to someone else, maybe even another pregnant mama.

[ there were only 16 of us in blue. blue shirts meant we had survived or were living with a brain tumour.]

if you would like to make a donation click here click here, the deadline is july 31, 2012.

i will leave you with this to think about…
“in canada 27 people receive a brain tumour diagnosis a day.”

[ we, survivors walked together before joining our friends and families for the main portion. i cried and cried, as i was held by other survivors. i realized for the first time ever that i was not alone. we were all handed roses.]

dinner time BULL.

April 18, 2012 by mama lola

today is a sick day. lion had a fever, bad cough and lotsa boogers! we stayed in.

every night at dinner it’s the same thing. i make dinner, we sit down at the table to eat and then the bull$hit begins. dear hubby and i sound like skipping cd’s, repeating ourselves a million times with statements like “sit down and eat your dinner”, “stop putting your fork in your glass”, “stop touching your brother” just to name a few.

it makes dinner difficult and unpleasant, in fact. the nonsense is always the same and no matter how we threaten, the kids continue to not listen. because, i am the one who usually prepares the dinners (and i try to be very mindful about our meals), i take so personally when the boys act out. i go from zero to rage in a second and desperately try to keep my mouth shut so that i don’t yell something terrible.
usually i fail.
it seems as though the kids only really listen when i yell and stomp my feet, which is so upsetting to me. we have obviously lost any power we ever had and the kids are in control.

but, things are changing and i have stomped by feet in anger for the last time. dear hubby and i are laying down the law in a heavy way, which is awful and hard, but hopefully the tides will change. hopefully we can all just eat dinner together. bear is really testing us and yesterday refused to eat anything. so, when 7pm rolled around and he complained about being hungry it was difficult to deny him, but a lesson had to be learned.

tonight, dear hubby was held up in the big city due to traffic issues, so i was alone with the two kids for dinner. i was expecting the worst after last nights fiasco, but the kids ate everything that was served to them and lion even asked for more soup. we had an unusual pajama dinner, as lion was quite sick today with a bad cough and a fever, but by dinner most of the symptoms seem to have subdued.

look at this smile!

whew! so glad we ended the day on a positive note. dear hubby came home to two little dudes who were so happy to see him.

a cloth bum.

April 17, 2012 by mama lola

i’m spring cleaning and getting rid of stuff. there is a local kids clothing swap coming this weekend, so i’m getting my bag of goodies ready to go.

then i started sorting through the diapering supplies. oh, my! we sure have accumulated lots of different kinds of cloth diapers and accessories over the past four years. we started using cloth right from the beginning with bear. his wee bum would get lost in all the fabric and folds of the diaper and he was more diaper than baby in those days! we’re still going strong with the cloth diapers on lion’s bum. many of the prefolds we were gifted for bear are so old and torn, so we had update and get some new ones (new ones meaning they’re second hand! new to us i suppose.)

i’m feeling ready to start potty training lion. it seems absurd on one hand, i mean, the wee dude isn’t even two yet! but, i think it’ll be easier with him than it was with bear. lion already wants to sit on the toilet and likes to talk about pee and poo. and with the warmer weather it’ll be easier, from what i remember, although it won’t be easy.

but back to the diapers. i feel quite happy and even proud that we can confidently say we cloth diapered two babes. that’s not to say we haven’t used disposables, because we have and i have no shame in admitting that. but, we are mostly a cloth bum family! it was and still is a commitment, but in the long run it’s better for the environment and better for your baby. cloth diapers have come such a long way too, even since bear was born four years ago. they just keep getting better and cuter!

looking at the small diapers in our basket, i am hit with waves of nostalgia and memories of my guys as tiny wee babies. bear, now four years and lion now 21 months, are far from babies. where did the time go?

i wonder if we will ever have a third… so much depends on what my neurologist and endochronologist say in july.

*****
today we went from this…

to this….

i am grateful today is almost done. now, off to the Y for my zumba and a break my guys.

bad mama!

April 12, 2012 by mama lola

i was busy making my super-yummy chowder for dinner. the boys were in the playroom, which is adjacent to the kitchen and i knew they were dong some colouring with markers, but the one time i peeked around the corner and saw this….

… and i couldn’t stop laughing. when i brought my camera out, lion started smiling broadly and proudly, while his insides were most likely suffering from toxic shock from the ink pad. oh, boy!

we had a great day regardless of the ink incident. everyone had good spirits tucked into their pockets and would bring them out when the grumps would set in, which meant we were actually enjoying each other’s company. for a change.

just back from yoga. my left knee has been in a brace all day as it’s screaming in pain. let’s hope tonight’s stretch class did the trick!

happy hump day y’all!

spring cleaning: my insides!

April 10, 2012 by mama lola

i start a liver cleanse in a matter of hours. it’s going to be a tough 14 days, let me tell ya! i gave up my most special vice, coffee, last week in preparation for this cleanse. i have no shame in admitting that i love a good cuppa coffee first thing in the morning and will hold on to it as my vice for the rest of my life. i have some last minute cleanse shopping to do for myself tonight. luckily, the lovely expert who has developed this particular cleanse has also included a meal plan and a grocery shopping list, so getting ingredients will be easy. I’ve also thought about looking at a foot bath detox, I have heard that they can be beneficial for body cleansing so it might be a good idea to try! I’ll check it out with my doctor first to see what they say.

i am already a grump, though. no coffee makes me super cranky, which i didn’t know! i wonder what will happen after i cut our dairy, breads, fruits… oh, boy! look out family!

but, i think i really need to get my body balanced inside. i had strep throat five times this winter and the amount of antibiotics i consumed is ridiculous and kind of gross. plus, with all the surgeries and T3’s i was popping while pregnant with lion, i think is still just stuck in my organs jamming things up. i good liver cleanse is exactly what my body needs and deserves.
*******
had a frolick through the woods with good friends today. kids loved it, so did us mama’s!

*******
for tonight’s dinner i tried something new, rice paper wraps with veggies.

i took one tomato, one perfect avocado, asparagus, green onions and some left over green pepper, chopped them up stirred them around in my cast iron pan until warm.

then, i placed the veggies on the softened rice paper with a piece of seaweed and sprinkled some sesame seeds for good measure.

they were easy to make, but a bit time consuming and the texture wasn’t the kids’ favourite, but dear hubby and i loved them. i will definitely be making these again, since i can’t use wonton wraps anymore due to bear’s egg intolerance. we also had some quinoa-chick pea salad and sweet potato fries! yum!

ok, time to shower and binge on some fantastic treat once dear hubby gets back from the store!
i am so scared of this cleanse and worry that i will not have the discipline to follow it, although at the same time i feel like it’s exactly what i need.
wish me luck!

starting new.

April 4, 2012 by mama lola

i don’t what happened to me. i’ve been intending to grow some easter grass this year, but somehow the time slipped away from me. so, i started it today. better late than never, right? bear was delighted.

then, my green thumb got an itch. so i started a few morning glory seeds and a few lupins. we’ll see if anything comes from them. i want to transfer them into my garden once the fear of frost melts away. i love morning glory’s. check out my stick markers. pretty clever, eh? idea from here.

kefir snack break. the kids love sippin’ away with their butterfly straws!

and finally, here’s tonight’s dinner. yum!

how was your day?
did you get outside and do any gardening?

last day of march.

March 31, 2012 by mama lola

this is the final day of NaBloPoMo, meaning i am no longer committed to write every day. i missed yesterday, so in total i skipped out on two days, and out of 31 i think that’s a pretty good feat. i ran out of room on my flickr account to post pictures (i only have the free kind), so that has somehow made it harder to come up with entries at the end of the month.

i enjoyed this experience and will certainly commit to another month, but not in april. we have a lot going on with dear hubby’s birthday, friends’ birthdays, easter and other spring time shenanigans. that’s not to say i will not blog, because i will, just not every day.
*****
it snowed last night. so shocking and cold and confusing, especially after the heat wave we had week prior!
*****
our lovely naturopath has been emailing me and told me to not worry about the barley sensitivity and focus on the eggs and peas. whew! that’s a huge relief and load off my mind! now that i have come face to face with just how much gluten and wheat my family consumes i am going to decrease those amounts anyway. wheat has been altered so much and gluten sensitivities run in dear hubby’s family, so i figure i midas well cut back for everyone’s benefit.

and avoiding eggs is easy. they have to be labelled as they are such a common allergen.
*****
time to do spend time with my family on this cold weekend. we may head out and check out a maple syrup festival today. how canadiana of us! tomorrow is a family dinner with dear hubby’s folks and hopefully some other family.
*****
dear hubby and i had a lovely date night. snow, a quick dinner, a movie and a bottle of wine!
*****