how to build fairy houses!

May 16, 2013 by mama lola

fairies are wonderful, magical creatures that live in the corners of gardens, under the roots of trees and through-out the woods. they rarely come out when us humans are around, but many children have shared stories of sightings.

there is no right way to build a fairy house.it’s all about exploring the land and environment surrounding you, using interesting pieces of nature to build the fairies safe, cozy places to rest. it is vital to remember not to kill anything living when making a fairy house; so do not break branches off of living trees or tear living moss from a rock. use items that are already dead.

fairy house from make happy

fairy and gnome house by my garden diaries

home for the faeries by juise

fairy house kit from mom fluential

fairy house from make happy

miniature gardening is a real trend from mr. brown thumb

list of things you need to build a fairy house from list plan it

which one is your favourite?
enjoy your fairy house building projects! they are a great way to connect with the natural world and children

just call me diaper head.

May 15, 2013 by mama lola

i am the mother of two boys. with that comes a certain amount of daily conversation around penises, watching the kids stick their hands down their pants and let’snot forget about bum wiping! it all comes with the job and i get it!

[source]

but, now we have entered a new world of poop talk.
since starting school and more specifically since around christmas bear, my 5YO, says the word poo probably a million times a day. there are songs that he sings with only the word poo as lyrics. and, he targets his little brother with these words and rhymes and songs, in a taunting tone. i hear lion trying to stand up for himself shouting “no, me no poo, me a kid”. i cheer loudly for him in my head and think right on little lion! but, bear just keeps on going.

he repeats sentences like these every chance he gets..

you’re a diaper head.

you’re poopy baby poo.

you’re a baby diaper poo head.

poo-poo-poopy poo head.

i realize it is age appropriate, but i find this kind of talk absolutely exhausting to have to listen, because he never turns it off. bear has tried to bring the poo talk to the dinner table, but that’s where i’ve laid down the law, say the word once and it’s straight to bed. it works. but, then he starts with the name calling and poo talk as soon as he’s been excused from the table.

[source]

we’ve tried threats, ignoring it, taking away bed time stories, you name it, but it just keeps going on and on. i’ve asked around and some of his friends do it too, but not quite to the same degree.

the worst things about this poop talk is that now lion is slowly jumping onto the bandwagon! aaahhhhhh! this cannot be happening!!!!!

what have you done with your kids when they went through this phase???

HELP ME!!?!

the degradation of Mother: wait, what?

May 8, 2013 by mama lola

there is a new trend out there, the just call me a MILF trend. for me, the trend is most obvious on twitter, where young mothers label themselves as such. i assume they do it in the hopes of sounding cool, pretty, sexy, desirable and worth following.

to call one’s self a MILF (mom i‘d like to f*ck) is so degrading and so demeaning; i think is just sad. the term has been around for decades, but blew up into mainstream popularity with the movie “american pie” in 1999. one of the teen guys used the term to describe the mother of a friend. i suppose in our twisted culture, the idea that young boys would like to f*ck us, us being mom’s, is supposed to be a compliment (?). it’s as if they’re doing us mum’s a favour for liking us, thinking we are attractive and worth fucking.
WAIT, WHAT?

we know mothers aren’t presented or viewed as desirable beings in the media or society. and this is where things get confusing for me because, on one hand women in general are not appreciated as sexual beings with desires and needs of their own. but, on the other hand they are hyper-sexualized in the media. you know, the image of a young, thin woman wearing skimpy clothes with enhanced breasts, possibly pouting or licking or lips simply created to satisfy the needs men. this is why i suppose, breastfeeding women are perceived as committing a sexual act, because we have completely chopped up the female form, sexualizing pieces of her, instead of the whole of her. some believe breasts are for sex and sex only like it might appear on websites similar to Nu-Bay – browse nu-bay around here, so the act of a mother caring, nurturing and feeding her child has become so warped and twisted.

and, mothers are certainly the most de-sexualized people ever; we are women who feed, bathe, clothe and care for others without usually meeting our own needs, never mind meeting our sexual needs or ever even speaking about them. mothers are typically described as dowdy, frumpy women, with certain hair cuts and who drive a minivan; hello soccer mom; rushing around making sure their kids and partners are taken care of. mothers are not supposed to be sexual, erotic or never mind kinky. That gets left to the ladies like Lynda Leigh on cam sites, and power to them, but there is a difference. mothers certainly are not be opinionated about their needs, specifically their sexual needs.
i mean, how many episodes did oprah do on women’s sexuality, women faking it for men and what have you?

a fiction trilogy came out a while back, and out of curiosity i read the first book in the series. big mistake! i was so dismayed by the terrible, boring writing, sexist character development and portrayal, but mostly the non-titillating predictable sex scenes! you can definitely find a more accurate representation of sex from somewhere like TubeV than you can in these books. the books received an outrageous amount attention and were sold as “mommy-porn”.
um, WAIT, WHAT?

first off there is a difference between pornography and erotica, which this book was so desperately trying to be. erotica is defined as being literature or art that is intended to arouse sexual feelings. pornography is printed or visual description containing the explicit description of sexual organs or activity, if you wanted to see the physical difference, watch some videos at a similar website to sexmature.
well, the descriptions in the books were immature, distasteful and at times embarrassing to read! was this book seriously intended for grown women?!
but, what really upset me about this shady trilogy was the way the media marketed this series as some kind of sexual bible, attempting to provide permission to women/ moms to have sexual fantasies. as if women and mothers need the permission of some patriarchal publishing company to dictate to us what we should want.

the entire story is based on a relationship of a rich, older, powerful white male who dominates a young, naive, sexually inexperienced, woman in all areas of her life. blah, please, you couldn’t up with a more interesting pairing, perhaps one that is less sexist?! the reality is, this book is not the fantasy of most grown women!

[ a mama & child. love.
SOURCE]

i’ve gone on a bit of a tangent, but my point in all of this is… people are sexual beings. moms included. and being sexual doesn’t mean labelling yourself with a name that is sexist, degrading and demeaning.

if one day a friend of my son’s calls me a MILF, (s)he better watch out, because they will get an earful from me. actually, hopefully they will get the earful from one of my sons!

quote from lil’luna

10 mother’s day craft ideas!

April 23, 2013 by mama lola

my boys love to get crafty for special occasions and mother’s day isn’t any different. i don’t actually sit with them to make me something (cuz that would be weird, right?), but i do help them get creative for gifts for their mummo and grandma. i will not be revealing our plans for may 12th, just in case one of them reads this post.

1. i love you this much card from a day in my life

2. hand print apron from little page turners

3. mama portraits from inchmark

4. decorate pots with fabric from shelterness.com

5. mother’s day silhouette’s from happy home fairy

6. hand print wall art from babble

7. garden stepping stone from a learning experience

8. flower bouquet from balancing home

9. butterfly candle holder from etcetorize

10. picked, felt flowers from my plum garden

the death of a child.

April 21, 2013 by mama lola

losing a child is a pain i hope i never have to endure.
the thought alone is…

on friday night dear hubby and i went to a movie for date night. we saw “the place beyond the pines”. a movie that deals with all kinds of pain, sorrow and heartache. as a mama, it is very difficult for me to watch some things on the big screen these days. all i do is imagine those situations, horrors as a part of my life. then on saturday night we watched “the greatest” at home on netflix. the movie deals with struggling, mourning parents who are left to deal with the various consequences after their sons tragic death. this movie was even more heartbreaking than i could imagine. so much so, that i refused to even consider what i may feel if i was that mother, if i lost an eighteen year old son. i should have been an teary, bleary eyed sobbing mess, but the suffering this mother felt was too much for me to even consider. you see, she lost her eldest son, but her younger son was alive and needing his family.
too close to home for me.

filling two evenings with pain and loss, even though fictional was heavy for my heart. if you know me well, you know i take things on easily and have a hard time shaking feelings off. the thought of losing one of my boys is so incomprehensible. mother’s lose their children every day all over the world, and if i actually thought about all of that pain, i would be stuck in this chair forever debilitated by the sorrow.

but, i did almost lose my littlest boy. and, honestly i have not actually dealt with that fear or pain. i have shoved those feelings into a box to be kept stashed in the far corners of my heart. it is not like me to ignore my feelings and not get a handle on them, but this, my wee lion almost dying at birth is too much for me to even think about. as i type, i am stiffening up and i feel my defences kicking into gear protecting my heart from the agony that could have been. luckily for me, i didn’t even know he was in danger until he was stabilized. my sweet, dear hubby is the one who knew and felt the danger of death.

death is unavoidable. it is all around us.
but, a parent, a mother losing a child is the kind of pain i hope i never have to endure.
and, to all of the parents who have lived through that, i watch you in awe.
your strength silences me.

i hope this post does not leave you with a heavy heart, but instead inspires you to recognize the beauty that is family and life. i know i will be slobbering some extra sloppy kisses on my boys today and tucking them both into bed with me tonight!

a mother’s guilt, a bear’s meltdown.

April 10, 2013 by mama lola

it is hump day and, boy, are we feeling the midweek burn-out.

this morning was such a terrible start to the day, especially for my sweet bear. he woke up angry, because he started growling about everything as soon as he opened up his eyes. the growl was deeper and louder, than the usual morning antics.

it all started, because he didn’t want to wear his jeans. isn’t that the way these things always start? so, i told him he could get another pair of pants from his dresser, but the ones he wanted were in the laundry. of course they were! then as the complaints about the jeans continued, his voice got louder, the screams screechier and the tears flowed even heavier. i was downstairs trying to get his lunch made, lion was eating his breakfast and bear was melting down upstairs. at exactly 7:44am, i knew he was going to be late for school, because he was still in his undies and he hadn’t had breakfast, and school starts at 8:35am.

i phoned dear hubby at work thinking if bear talked to his dad in private maybe that would help, but he actually just escalated. so, i did the only thing i could do. i went upstairs and held him as he screamed at full volume into my ear. i whispered sweet nothings into his ear refusing to let him go. he did eventually, slowly, calm down from that super extreme place where his anxiety takes him. i did get a bowl of granola into him and some apple chunks, before we headed to school in the pissing rain.

at school, we had to go to the office, sign in, change into inside shoes and then trek down to the gym for the anti-bullying assembly. that’s where his class was. there his teacher saw us and came to greet my bear and escort him into the fun and join his friends.
i was left in the hallway with my lion, with a massive lump in my throat and an ache in my heart. i felt as though i was abandoning my guy in his time of need, in a time when he was feeling vulnerable and unsure of his world. i felt overwhelmed with guilt (as usual) and i felt an increased worry about this anxiety. so did what i always do in these situations, and i came home and cried. i know that my worrying about his anxiety is probably causing me anxiety, and i just don’t know how to manage it. i know people who use cannabis products like cbd, or thc products from somewhere like Area 52 to help relieve their symptoms, but i know i have to get my little bear sorted before i can work on myself… so i chose to cry it out.

look at this adorable guy with his swift scooter and awesome helmet! i love him so.

that was a few hours ago now, and i still upset by the whole thing.
it is so hard for me to shake things off. because this mornings meltdown is about something more than just jeans, it’s about anxiety. and that part of the equation is still unknown to us, and will for quite some time, even though we are in the process of accessing help. the wheels always move so slowly.

for now, we are trying to move onwards and upwards.

anxiety mine or his :: part DEUX

March 20, 2013 by mama lola

my bear is now five.
this is where we were last year : part ONE!
and, i am still worrying about his anxiety. it seems to be getting worse on one hand and levelling off on another. his erratic meltdowns are sometimes easy to predict, but sometimes not. but when he does have a break down, it is louder, more extreme and it’s harder to bring him back down. I know from my own experiences with anxiety that he is going through a difficult phase. I have been inclined to use CBD oil UK sourced from Blessed CBD for my own anxiety in the past and I know of a few people who opted to use a metal smoking pipe as a way of getting their dose of medical marijuana (legally) to help manage the symptoms of anxiety effectively. However, I feel this is something that Bear needs to work through without treatment for the time being. as attachment parents, we are very touchy parents. I try to show my love and support by touching the boys often and with meaning. when the kids are upset they are welcome to cuddle in our laps, come sleep with us at night and i try to encourage them to speak openly about their feelings.
but, it’s hard.

here’s what i do know.
bear’s a super sensitive guy. he is sensitive to stimulus, sounds, smells and especially change. he struggles greatly in transitions; when one activity is ending and another one is beginning. i realize that a lot of kids hate transitions, but i sense that bear’s reaction is a bit extreme.

here’s a good example of why i think it’s more than regular kid power struggles or what have you. so, on sunday dear hubby and i decided we would go for a family skate downtown, since it’s still cold enough, so we midas well take advantage of the weather. it was 10am when we started to get the guys moving and by moving i mean, getting them dressed into warm layers. immediately, bear started saying that he didn’t want to go, but we just kept encouraging him to get dressed, get his teeth brushed, because we hoped that once at the rink he would be happy skate.
well, that just got him escalated even more. his volume increased to full blown screams, crying and then physically he was thrashing and kicking as dear hubby tried to hold him. this chaos went on for over half an hour. eventually, i got myself and lion ready and the two of us sat in the car waiting for bear and dear hubby. then at around 11am we arrived at the skating rink. we drove, because of the uncertain nature of bear’s emotional state and it’s only about a 2 minute excursion.

anyhow, long story short. i skated alone, dear hubby went around the rink with lion once, and bear cried and screamed while running next to the rink. it was so awful. embarrassing yes, but awful because here’s my kid who just cannot stop. stop being stubborn, stop and catch his breath, or stop and ______. it feels as though we need to figure out what the missing piece is for him; why can’t he just participate, why does he cry when his friends are at our house, why does he fight back so fiercely?

when we are in these heightened states of emotion (and although it starts with bear, we are all emotionally triggered by him) it feels so extreme. and, as some of you regular readers know, we are in these heightened states pretty often. do i even have to mention summers camps last year… oh, what a disaster they both were! but, as much as i want to help bear i also feel like i have to protect lion in all of this as well. it’s not fair to him that he has to suffer when his brother is panicking, and lion does suffer. we often don’t do things outside the house, because I am worried about how to bear might react.

so, i do think my child suffers from some level of anxiety. and, this week dear hubby and I are going to make some phone calls to see what we can do for him. it’s time. his emotional well being is at stake here and watching him crumble into himself like that is heartbreaking. yes, kids fight with their parents and push boundaries, but the level and frequency at which bear expresses his rawness to me feel too frequent. I know a lot of people with anxiety may choose to visit a dispensary (if the use of medical marijuana is legal) and as there are many benefits that the use of marijuana is said to have on people’s health, I can see why this may be an option. With this being said, I want to get a professional opinion before i make a decision like this.

maybe i’m over reacting.
let’s hope i am.
maybe i just need new parenting tools.
but, i need to know. i need to find out if this is something we need to worry about.

lion’s first skate ever. he barely moved his feet, he mostly enjoyed the ride!

happy hump day folks!

a child with a brain tumour.

March 18, 2013 by mama lola

a friend of mine has a son with a brain tumour and she wanted to share their story here, as a way to create awareness about brain tumours. please read her story, their story and donate to the spring sprint!
thanks.

* * * * * * * * *
(This post was submitted to bear & lion by a mother of two beautiful children ages four and eighteen months old. She chose to omit identifying information regarding her son and his specific diagnosis because of her son’s young age. She feels that he should have some informed consent when sharing his story.)

be·nign (b-nn)

adj.

1. Of a kind and gentle disposition.

2. Showing gentleness and mildness. See Synonyms at kind¹.

3. Tending to exert a beneficial influence; favorable: a policy with benign consequences for the economy. See Synonyms at favorable.

4. Having little or no detrimental effect; harmless: a chemical additive that is environmentally benign.

5. MedicineOf no danger to health; not recurrent or progressive; not malignant: a benign tumor.

Source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/benign

My nearly five year old son has a benign tumour growing in his brain, on his pituitary gland to be specific. Thefreedictionary.com and most of society will tell you that a benign tumour is “of no danger to health”. I am here to tell you that there is nothing “benign” about brain tumours.

My son is my first born and it was apparent to me, his mother, that something was not quite right from the time he was six weeks old. He was not smiling when he should have been, holding his head unsupported or making eye contact. His growth was slow despite nursing around the clock and his interest in his environment did not match his same age peers. I discussed my concerns with his pediatrician and was brushed off as a nervous first time mother. My son’s delays continued. He was not able to sit unsupported until he was eight months old, could not crawl until he was 15 months, and took his first steps at 17 months. He spoke his first word at 21 months, “more” and struggled to communicate. His pediatrician again, brushed off these concerns. My little boy had referrals and support from Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, Resource Consultants, Infant Development experts and Speech and Language Pathologists, but no diagnosis. At two years old I demanded action, knowing that something was not right.

We received a referral to a genetics department in a leading pediatric hospital some ways from home. We spent hours discussing my son’s development and growth, and had blood work and x-rays completed. This typically would be done using such equipment as a centrifuge to separate the blood and plasma for testing. We were told that you may need to use this equipment for other blood work, etc. so it was a lot to take in. Nothing was confirmed, no diagnosis was made. Benign brain tumours typically cannot be detected though blood work. We waited and continued our battle to find the cause of my son’s delays. We requested another referral, this time to a Developmental Pediatrician. Another long meeting where development was discussed and concerns with growth were raised. We reviewed all the test results from the genetics department and moved forward with a brain MRI.

My son was two and half years old when he had his first MRI. The results were inconclusive, but it pointed toward an issue with his pituitary gland. It appeared that there was a “dark spot” that would require further investigation. A referral was made to a Pediatric Endocrinologist at another pediatric hospital and our wait for answers continued.

My son started testing for hormone deficiency when he was 3 years old. Multiple trips to a hospital not so close to home for IV’s to be set and blood withdrawn every 30 minutes for hours at a time. Extended fasting tests to evaluate his ability to control his blood sugar levels with blood taken at 30 minute intervals. These tests went on nearly every six weeks for a full year. He failed every test they administered and he started nightly injections when he was four years old. Shortly thereafter he had his second MRI, this time with contrast. A brain tumour was found.

We now had an answer, but no solution. Removing the tumour would mean removing his pituitary gland. He will be followed with regular MRI’s, but at this point surgery is not an option. And even if it was, it would not be a quick fix. The pituitary gland regulates hormones that control growth, not just liner growth, but that of muscles and bones. Muscles for example like the heart, tongue, and limbs.

My son is below the first percentile in both height and weight. That means that over ninety-nine percent of his same age peers are bigger than him. His speech is difficult to understand, most strangers will only pick-out twenty of every hundred words he says. He has difficulty holding a pencil, but has a lofty goal of writing his first name by the time he is in first grade. He continues to have as many as four appointments a week to address his developmental delays.

My son is a bright boy; he is just as smart as his kindergarten friends. He knows he is different. He knows that he struggles in ways his friends do not. He knows that has more professionals involved in his young life then most adults do in a lifetime, and he is tired. He is tired of therapy, he is tired of doctors and the tests they request, and he is tired of being different. He is tired of having to try harder then all his friends. He continues, he fights, and he tries hard every day to reach his potential.

His brain tumour may be benign, but it certainly has an impact on his life and his health. It is definitely dangerous and needs to be addressed and treated. You see, no two brain tumours are alike, and the signs of symptoms in one individual can vary drastically from the next. We have had many therapists, doctors and specialists evaluate our son over the course of four years without a diagnosis. Education and awareness needs to happen in our community today to ensure that other children are not misdiagnosed, and that Mothers are not brushed off as nervous first time parents.

Please help me bring attention to this cause by sponsoring my friends and I, MAMAS AGAINST TUMOURS, in the Spring Sprint. DONATE HERE!
The Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada supports many positive programs in our community including community awareness, support groups, research and information sharing. Lets fight together to support those like my son who are impacted by brain tumours, so they don’t have to fight alone.

* * * * * * * * *

thanks for sharing, mama. it means so much to me that this story is here, maybe it will provide support and inspiration to other’s out there.

march break is done and we survived!

March 16, 2013 by mama lola

this week was march break in our neck of the woods. we had play dates and activities planned, but i will admit to feeling very overwhelmed through-out the week. the weather has been quite cold and the snow is basically mounds and sheets of ice, which is not fun for playing on. the kids were at each others necks all week, fighting and screaming, with a constant stream of tattling. to add to the tension, one day i even thought i had lost my wedding band, but my suspicions tell me that the boys had something to do with the disappearance, as it was returned promptly within 24 hours. phew.
it’s been stressful.
it’s been loud.
but, it has also been fun!

one morning we made these cool guys!
aren’t they hilarious?! check out bear’s grin and glasses!

i traced the kids on paper. bear was a great at lying still, lion had more difficulty not squirming! i improvised a bit with his outline.

i cut out the silhouette’s and then the kids got to work colouring and stickering them. they had so much fun and were quite independent for most of it.

eventually, i stepped in to keep the momentum going, helping with some of the colouring. in the end “the guys” turned out great and the kids were so proud of them!

this week we also hit the local civic museum for some fun. the kids made juggling balls, played with various “building” toys and materials and then we hit the town for lunch.

it’s as though the kids have been exhausted from being together so much. since september they have gotten used to time apart and separation, thanks to bear starting school in the fall.

i’ve tried to engage the kids in various crafts and games, but i too have been so tired this week. i’ve been fighting a cold of sorts, but sibling conflict is really wearing me down. i am counting down to school starting again! haha!

poppy has settled in. she has been sleeping and eating mostly, and in the last few days has really started to play with the kids. she also loves to snuggle with them on the couch when they’re watching tv. it’s so sweet!

happy weekend, everyone!

first or second born; which is better?

March 10, 2013 by mama lola

i am always aware of the birth order of my kids. who came first, who second, who has benefited more in this situation, or who has receive the short end of the stick, and who has reaped the benefits of their birth order. and, truthfully i would honestly have to answer, that both kids have felt the positives and negatives of their birth order. although, i do wish both my boys could experience similar things in life, i realize that that is not realistic or possible at all.

my naivete with bear as a baby was not any different from other new mama’s, but lion really benefited from being the second baby in our house. my confidence was noticeably different, my instincts were that much sharper and i gave myself more permission to let go. that was huge. HUGE! when bear was a baby and everything was new, i felt stupid and ill-equipped, i felt the competitive forces of motherhood and felt overwhelmed with everything that i didn’t know. i am sure my bear felt the consequences of that; he was and still continues to be my guinea pig in many things, which i neither good or bad, it just is what it is.

lion, has felt my insecurities yes, but i think he has benefited more from my increased confidence. with experience comes knowledge, but also the ability to tell people to buzz off with their opinions on your parenting methods.

this is where the burden of my mother’s guilt comes into play… did my own insecurities trickle down onto bear, creating anxiety in him? was it my doing or not doing that made it possible for his sensitive side to develop so strongly? i wonder these things, because lion’s temperament seems so different. yes, he is younger so it’s hard to really know who he really is yet, especially since he has not stepped into the world without me by his side. but lion has an aura of confidence, but maybe that’s because he has a big brother to keep up with.

is it about ensuring the kids have life experiences that match and are even? or is it about the kids having life experiences that fit who they are and what they want? sometimes it feels like it’s the first option, but my heart says they need to experience the world based on their needs and the families needs. being born first or second, third or fifteenth (depending on your family size) shouldn’t matter. as parents it is our responsibility to ensure our children feel loved and accepted, and provide them with opportunities that allow them to find out who they are.

what do you think?
how do you handle these feelings?

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~~and today is the last day for this…..~~