bear, my older guy, gets a magazine in the mail once a month, CHIRP. it’s totally cute, age appropriate and makes his day when he receives in the mail. one of the activities in the january edition, is something called, SILLY SPOONS. it’s a super fun and super creative activity, that both the boys enjoyed doing.
the spoon is the base for your character or animal. you can embellish it as much or as little as you like. my kids refused a lot of help, so they’re spoons are simpler than the ones pictured in the magazine. we used all sorts materials for this project like markers, pompoms, duct tape, yarn, decorative flowers, googly eyes, pipe cleaners and lotsa, lotsa glue!
and, voila. silly spoons for silly times.
they are a bit fragile, but the boys were thrilled with how they turned out and really, that’s what matters most! add a link if you do this craft!
* this post was written a few days ago, but i wasn’t quite ready to post it, because everything felt so raw and frustrating still. so, here it is ready for a sunday entry. * bear and i just had a $hit morning again. there is a definite pattern happeneing on thursday mornings happening at our house; lots of defiance and power struggles from him. thursday’s i keep him home from school and take him swimming at the local YMCA. he loves the classes and has been doing really well. but, his behaviour has been really, REALLY challenging on these mornings. last thursday he hit his brother in the face, then went to push me and well, i just couldn’t handle the thought of taking him into public in a mood like that. so we skipped swimming. today, the kids played, there was some shenanigans, but nothing out of this world. then i had the kids sit down to a snack, then i asked them to pee and for bear to put his pants on. and well, it was all down hill from there. lion had his pee, i helped into his pants and piled all of our coats and boots at the front door. bear was dancing around wasting time and refusing to listen. i reminded him that if he didn’t get his pants he couldn’t go outside (it’s january and we’re in canada and it’s cold!). he kept up his defiance, and then i got mad and he got mad. and then, it was too late to go swimming and that’s when bear lost it. i just don’t even know what to do. after we both cooled down i went upstairs and we had long talk. i tried to explain to him that his swimming lessons and ballet lessons are a privilege , rather than a right, like clean water, food, our home. he seemed to understand. i explained that he can show myself and dear hubby love and respect by listening to us when we ask him to do simple tasks, like helping set the table, getting dressed, being polite, or helping tidy up. by listening, he earns the privilege of participating in his extra curricular activities. i asked what his response is to his teacher at school when she says it’s tidy up time. well, of course he is positive at school and keenly tidies up a mess. sigh. i’m glad he’s a respectful kid at school and listens to his teachers.
i realize that as his mama, i am a safe person, probably the safest  for him to throw his anger, tiredness and difficulties at. but, sometimes i just don’t understand why he fights me so hard on things like getting dressed, so we can get to swimming on time. he pushes, so i push back and then he pushes even harder. it’s a classic power struggle, but it feels like we should have had this fight a few years ago, like when he was three. is five really supposed to be THIS hard? surely i’m not the only one fighting over simple tasks? HELP ME!!!
i consider myself to be a very positive person. even during the darkest of times, i have looked at the positive with great optimism and tried to hold onto that a positive language and energy tightly.
[ how can anyone with a face like this be a downer? ]
my eldest son on the other hand, is kind of the opposite. i know this will be surprising to many, but he’s kind of a debbie downer, a negative force that is tough to live with. whatever i say, the first word out of his mouth is “no”. no matter what. here are some examples: me: “we’re going to your friends house tomorrow to play” bear: “no, i don’t want to” me: “ok, let’s get our christmas pajama’s on and go see the lights in the park” bear: “no. i hate christmas and christmas lights are stupid” me: “time to tidy up boys” bear: ” no way, daba-day” he’s been talking in this negative way for a long time, so i’m starting to think that he’s really this party pooper kinda guy. sometimes his negative vibe is stronger than at other times; it’s like he cycles through his deep dark moods. and, i get it, the kid is almost five so agreeing with me is not a top priority for him, but there’s gotta be something i can suggest that doesn’t evoke a such a quick and sharp NO from him. right? but, what is that?
so, i’m trying to change some bad old habits and am trying to incorporate more ME time into each day. it’s hard tough. with the kids schedules of school drop offs, lunch, bum wipes and nap times and then school pick ups, meal prep, it really leaves shockingly small windows of time for me to do something for myself. i used to be able to do some things in the evenings after dear hubby got home, but now that bear is in school and our days start so early i find it harder to motivate myself to leave the house after dinner. maybe that will change once spring arrives and it’s not so dark so early. but, i am making some progress. i am back to blogging regularly, which i really enjoy. i am spending small amounts of time out of the house, alone or with friends and i am working hard not to feel guilty about it. i know that sounds ridiculous, but i really do suffer from a serious case of mother’s guilt. i feel guilty about so many things. in fact, in a sick twist of irony i feel guilty for feeling guilty. sigh.
i am learning to let go. let go expectations. those ridiculously high expectations i have. of myself. and, i am learning to be more realistic about what i can and should do. i hit the gym after school drop off, and before lunch yesterday morning. it seems like it’s the optimal time to get that small task done for me. here’s hoping it becomes a new habit. it felt pretty good to do something for me, even though my stint at the Y was short and sweet. we’ll see what happens next week.
i am moving onward and upward in this new year. away from the hard and destructive old habits, to healthier ones. new habits are still hard, but at least i’m moving towards something positive, instead of sitting in something stagnant.
i love all of these quotations i found on pinterest. i feel like i need some positive affirmations, some positive vibes thrown my way. a friend recommended a book to read about mothering, and guilt, and all that fun stuff.Â
the kids weren’t gifted any books this christmas, which is kinda odd (well, dear hubby and i bought them a couple of books). point being, i’m looking for some book suggestions for my kids. lion is 2.5 yrs and bear will be 5 yrs in about a month (what?!). i’m looking for interesting books in fiction, non fiction, whatevs! My sister bought personalised childrens book for her three children and they adore them, I may be purchasing some for next christmas!
i prefer reading books about non-branded characters, books that are thoughtfully written and full of pictures that are interesting and beautiful to look at. i love it when the children’s book illustrations are more impressive than the story itself because your kid can get lost in the beautiful pictures. when i’m reading to my kids, i want to inspire them with the words they are hearing and with the images they are looking at. it always astonishes me how many poorly written kids books get published. we happen to own some of those terrible books, but i try to sneakily “lose” some of them when the kids aren’t looking! so, do you have some fave’s you enjoy reading to your kids? a favourite author? or book? what do your kids like at bedtime? we do hit the local library often, and enjoy a large selection from there, but i do like to add some good titles to the children’s book selection as well. we’re book people. we have bookshelves full of books, collecting lots of dust. it’s just what we do!
our current year is about to come to a close, inspiring me to do a quick wrap up of the year… and, what a year it has been! we’ve enjoyed some super high highs and shockingly low lows, all which have been rounded out by lots of middle of the road, mundane kinda days. my life as a mum is typically filled with a dull drudgery, based in routine and a constant dialogue of reminding the kids to eat their meals, wash their hands, put their long john’s on, tidy up, say thank-you and so on and so on. with bear in school, the routine on those days starts early, before the sun has even risen and i am usually alone with the boys on these dark, cold mornings. i am often amazed we survive as well as we do on most days. and let me quickly clarify that the drudgery is not a bad thing. it’s just a thing. it’s life. our life at this time. most people live a kind of dull routine, one that is mundane and that is only highlighted by joys. and, we certainly have experienced lots of different joys this year. the one big one being, getting the all clear from my endochronologist and neurologist to have more kids if that’s what we want to do. having had several clean MRI’s and bloodwork results since my tumour was removed in november 2010, has been such a huge relief. a joy in fact. and not just for me, but for my sweet dear hubby, my parents, friends and family. phew! and although mothering has brought with it drudgery, it has also brought me lots of joy. and, not just at the obvious times, like birthdays or other important milestones. but, sometimes during the mundane routines of teeth brushing one of the boys will smile sweetly, caress my arm and tell me they love me. that is pretty lovely and joyful. or, they will learn a song and beam with pride when they sing it for us. that fills my heart with joy. or, they will draw a picture and hang it on the fridge themselves dancing with satisfaction when i comment on the art. this too, fills me with joy. we have shared many happy, exciting times as a foursome this past year and i feel very fortunate for that. 2012 also brought with it hard, sad times, which have necessary to endure in order to really recognize and enjoy the happy times. even though, the the tough times have been heartbreaking, they have brought with them a momentum for change. i find the struggles in life are also the catalysts for real change. i am now entering a new year, with a clarity that i have never held before for what i want and need in my life, in order to succeed as a person. a whole person. not just a mother, or a wife or a woman, or a daughter or a friend. there has been one constant in the ups and downs of my life, and that is my dear hubby. he has stood by me, sometimes clueless as to what to do or say, but he has been by my side regardless. our marriage has been tested and pushed to new limits this year, but our love and optimism for each other and our relationship will bring us even closer in this coming year. i love my husband deeply and feel very lucky to have found him years ago in the woods of northern ontario. his calm balances my excitement and his cool balances my heat. our differences and similarities are a surprising match. for 2013 becoming whole is my resolution. to learn to fulfill myself in many different ways, especially by incorporating new outlets for creativity, education and physicality. i need to really learn how and when to set boundaries, learn to say no and learn to ask for support. i also need to stop feeling guilty about the most insignificant things and forgive myself for the mistakes i have made. this year is coming to a close and i feel like i am also closing a chapter in my life. this new year’s eve feels like the starting point for a new chapter in my life, a fresh page or blank canvas, and it is up to me choose the where to begin. HAPPY NEW YEAR! SEE YOU IN 2013! xo, mama lola
A good friend of mine posted this as her Facebook status today and I feel like this message is a really important one, and one that needs to be shared. Halloween is a fun time of year for everyone, so as adults let’s ensure that happens for all the kids!
“With Halloween upon us, please keep in mind, a lot of little people will be visiting your home. Be accepting. The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy may have poor fine motor skills. The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy may have motor planning issues. The child who does not say trick or treat or thank you may be non-verbal. The child who looks disappointed when they see your bowl might have an allergy. The child who isn’t wearing a costume at all might have a sensory issue (SPD) or autism. Be nice. Be patient. Its everyone’s Halloween.”
And since we’re on the topic of fun and safety at Halloween, have you considered how to keep your home safe and secure? Burglary cases sky-rocket on Halloween night – it provides the perfect opportunity for masked robbers to blend in with the crowd of trick-or-treaters. Home alarm services can install security around your house, including CCTV, motion lights, motion sensors and alert systems which can help to deter burglars, but keep your back door and windows locked anyway if you’re going to be spending a lot of time at the front door.
Additionally, we live in an age where we are fortunately more aware of food intolerances. Many children have intolerances to nuts, dairy, gluten and sulfites, so make sure your treats are suitable for all. Don’t be tempted to make anything homemade either – as nice a gesture as it is, parents simply can’t be sure what might be in your homemade treats and will likely throw it straight in the bin. Stick to wrapped sweets and make sure none of the packets have holes in or they’ll get thrown away too.
it is so confusing to me how one week the kids will love one food, and despise it the next. it is all so random and probably not even about the food, but about power instead. last night, i made a super-duper fabulous coconut milk & shrimp stir-fry, which bear refused to eat. as soon as he got to the table he started his repetitive dialogue of “i hate this”, “i don’t like this”, which is a pretty common mantra around here recently. but, it’s frustrating because last week he gobbled up a similar stir-fry. all week he’s been at his rude, and last night, well, i had had it. i told me very calmly that it was time for him to change his attitude, eat up and be grateful. he didn’t take my suggestion, so he was sent to his room.
i quite enjoyed the stir-fry and am happy to share the recipe with you! INGREDIENTS: 1 medium yellow onion 2 carrots 1 large handful kale 2-3 cloves garlic 1/2 block of firm tofu 3 tbsp sesame oil 1/4 braggs soy sauce 1/2 tsp coarse sea salt 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp turmeric 1/2 tsp oregano 1 sprinkling of fresh ground black pepper 1 package of pre-cooked frozen shrimp* (i took the tails off, as it’s easier for the kids) 1 can coconut milk brown rice (how ever much you like to eat!) DIRECTIONS: 1. chop onions, cube tofu and carrots into desired sizes. finely chop garlic and chop up kale. 2. start cooking your rice in a separate pot. 3. heat sesame oil in your wok or pan on a medium heat. do not over heat. 4. add onions and keep stirring until lightly browned. 5. add garlic and salt. 6. add tofu and braggs/ soy sauce. the pan will steam and spatter if it does this, turn your heat down. keep stirring the tofu so that it doesn’t stick or burn. 6. add carrots, turmeric, oregano and cumin. 7. let the ingredients stew together. if you have lid for your pan, put that on. 8. once the ingredients look nicely browned, softened and cooked, add coconut milk and shrimp. stir thoroughly. 9. let the sauce stew on a low temperature for a while. 10. serve the shrimp coconut sauce on rice.
*check the thawing instructions on your shrimp package. i tossed my shrimp in a colander and ran them under cool water.
i personally love me a good stir- fry. look at all of the beautiful colours and textures; makes me hungry just looking at the final product! we eat at least one stir-fry a week. i use whatever veggies i find in the fridge.Â
so, eventually bear apologized to me for being rude, but he still refused to eat his dinner, so it was straight to bed. he actually asked to go bed, which i understand. after three days of school he is always tired, super tired. i hate dinner time battles. i take them personally as i am always thinking of the kids while preparing their meals. i think, “oh, lion loves tofu in this shape so that’s what i’ll do” or “bear was so excited last week when we had shrimp, so i’ll throw lots into this stir-fry tonight.he’ll be so happy”. silly me, i suppose! what are your kids like at dinner? how do you deal with these kinds of power struggles? here’s hoping tonight’s dinner goes more smoothly!
fall is the perfect season for enjoying a bowl of yummy soup! this particular soup is a family favourite and has been in on our regular dinner rotation for years. it’s fast, delicious and there’s always room for creativity! we started with the original recipe from “the joy of cooking”, but through the years we have modified it to fit our tastes better. the recipe below is ours.
INGREDIENTS: 3 medium leeks 7-10 medium yellow potatoes 4-5 cups water/ broth* 3 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp sea salt 1 sprinkling of ground black pepper 3 cloves of garlic DIRECTIONS: 1. wash and peel potatoes. cut in to quarters. 2. wash and chop leeks. 3. chop garlic into desired size. 4. heat olive oil in your soup pot on your stove, but do not let it get too hot. 5. add vegetables and garlic. let them sautee at a medium heat. then add the salt. 6. add broth and let the veggies soften. 7. once the potatoes are soft, take pot off the hot stove top and with an immersion blender puree until smooth. sometimes i add a little water if i think the consistency is too thick. you could also add a little milk. 8. serve with fresh ground pepper and a dollop of sour cream on top. * we only use veggie broth as we are vegetarian. some use a chicken broth. i prefer to use a homemade broth, instead of the bouillon cubes, as they often tend to be full unknown additives. ** today, i added a medium bunch of fresh kale to the mix. just before i blended the soup i finely chopped up the kale and added it to the pot. it’s a quick and painless way to add dark leafy greens into the family diet!
enjoy! happy monday everyone! . . . . . . . lastly, i want to mention that i’ll be participating in a blog carnival soon… can’t wait to let you guys know the exciting details!
we are not new or immune to the tension between the boys.
as of late, our house has become a popular place for sibling squabbles and brotherly fury! bear has become verbally quite aggressive towards his little brother saying things like “you’re garbage” or “you’re the worst brother ever” or “you’re stupid”. lion understands that these verbal attacks are exactly that, attacks, and responds by pushing his hand at his brother screaming and repeating “no garbage”. (on a side note, it is shocking how many kids shows say the word stupid! have you noticed?)
it’s exhausting and so upsetting to me. i get pretty mad when i hear bear say mean things like that, and now i just resort to immediate consequences, instead of dishing out any warnings. i’ve decided i can’t tolerate that kind of intentional meanness, even if it’s expected and normal between brothers. it’s not ok. and bear knows it. so does lion, even though he’s barely 2 years old. but, it’s not just about what someone says, it’s how they say it and their body language, which i think is why lion gets so worked up.
we talk a lot about being mean around here. because, being mean is behaviour that is purposefully hurtful to someone else. bear tells me that some kids at school are mean, providing a platform to talk about the feelings surrounding meanness; those belonging to the attacker and those of the target.
about two weeks ago bear told me he felt bad that lion gets to stay home with me, while he goes to school. bear’s mean behaviour has exploded and coincided with the start of school this fall. this new boom in his meanness has led us to talk about jealousy as well. it’s a tricky conversation to have with a four year old, but one that i think i’m getting better at. since bear has verbalized feeling left out, i have tried to make a conscious effort to spend a little bit of one-on-one time with him every day. even if it’s five minutes, because i think that’s better than nothing. sometimes we just chat about life, other times we’ll work on a craft, or watch a little tv and snuggle on the couch.
dear hubby and i are on a learning curve as parents when it comes to dealing with sibling rivalry. as long as we are consistent with our expectations and with the discipline equally with both kids then i think we will be able to cope with things better. it’s tough tho, it’s survival of the fittest and each child is fighting to be seen and heard, while knocking the other guy out of the game!
it’s all about even-steven around here; note that for this post i have included the same number of photo’s of each boy, just in case they check!
most importantly for me as their mama, the key is to recognize each child as an individual with different interests, different ways of learning or achieving things, and acknowledging that they express their needs in their own unique ways. it’s so easy to lump the boys into “the kids”, while forgetting they are bear and lion.
i missed blogging yesterday, i know. i’ve been at it daily for almost two months, and although i love my time blogging, i do get tired and feel like i need time away from this space. it’s not so much a question of writer’s block, but more about laziness!
hope you had a wonderful weekend!
we sure did. lots of visiting with all sorts of family and friends!
