bear & lion

here's a peek into the highs and woes of our life

it’s been a stormy fall.

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this fall, my family and i were caught in a personal crisis of sorts. 

i found myself holding a large bowl of lemons at the beginning of november, and instead of pulling out my juicer to make lemonade, i instead chose to ride the sour wave that left me feeling raw, emotional and sad. i won’t get into the details of what happened to trigger these big emotions, as i need to hold onto some privacy here, but i am willing to share my feelings around this difficult time.

this fall i was forced to do some serious self-analysis, look at myself and really recognize the qualities that make me, me. there are some good things that i saw, but i focused more on the complicated, bad stuff. the things that are embarrassing, deeply shameful and difficult to even say out loud. but, that’s what i did. i verbally repeated my flaws to people who would listen, discussing their significance and power over my life; i took responsibility for my bad decisions admitting to everyone that although i have hidden behind a facade of happiness, there is great pain and regret in my heart and life, all which came exploding out like a pressure cooker.

during this time of crisis, my emotions were heightened with a rawness that is impossible to explain. i was unable to eat, sleep or stop pacing like a caged tiger. i had difficulty focusing on simple activities, like reading or grocery shopping. i was single parenting for a large chunk of this time, which made me feel the tremendous weight of guilt on my trembling, exhausted shoulders. 

but, fortunately for me, there were people in my life who stepped in to support and help me. although many of my dearest people live in other communities, they did offer hours and hours of emotional support through the ol’ telephone. they listened while i sobbed uncontrollably, which is all i needed or wanted. others came to my help at home, without even being asked, coming over to help with the kids or just being with me as i rode these powerful waves of emotion.

now, the storm has passed and the waves are calming down. my personal growth has only begun and is now spilling over into my marriage, but in a good way! i took those lemons and threw them away, opting to start a new chapter rather than holding onto those upsets and negative feelings, that will only sour anything fresh or new coming my way.

* * * * * * *
i have missed blogging and i thought i could return before christmas, but i instead chose to focus my time and energy on my lovely guys, lion, bear and dear hubby. we had a lovely christmas with our families and are now spending lots of time together before dear hubby returns to work in the new year. 

i am hoping this entry is my return to this cyper space and fun place. i thought before i start with any recipe or photo montage i should preface my absence with some explanation, even if it is a bit vague.

* * * * * * *

peace.
xo, mama lola



xo, mama lola

halloween safety!

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A good friend of mine posted this as her Facebook status today and I feel like this message is a really important one, and one that needs to be shared. Halloween is a fun time of year for everyone, so as adults let’s ensure that happens for all the kids!

“With Halloween upon us, please keep in mind, a lot of little people will be visiting your home. Be accepting. The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy may have poor fine motor skills. The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy may have motor planning issues. The child who does not say trick or treat or thank you may be non-verbal. The child who looks disappointed when they see your bowl might have an allergy. The child who isn’t wearing a costume at all might have a sensory issue (SPD) or autism. Be nice. Be patient. Its everyone’s Halloween.”


And since we’re on the topic of fun and safety at Halloween, have you considered how to keep your home safe and secure? Burglary cases sky-rocket on Halloween night – it provides the perfect opportunity for masked robbers to blend in with the crowd of trick-or-treaters. Home alarm services can install security around your house, including CCTV, motion lights, motion sensors and alert systems which can help to deter burglars, but keep your back door and windows locked anyway if you’re going to be spending a lot of time at the front door.


Additionally, we live in an age where we are fortunately more aware of food intolerances. Many children have intolerances to nuts, dairy, gluten and sulfites, so make sure your treats are suitable for all. Don’t be tempted to make anything homemade either – as nice a gesture as it is, parents simply can’t be sure what might be in your homemade treats and will likely throw it straight in the bin. Stick to wrapped sweets and make sure none of the packets have holes in or they’ll get thrown away too.

xo, mama lola

recipe for : coconut milk & shrimp stir-fry : caused a fight.

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it is so confusing to me how one week the kids will love one food, and despise it the next. it is all so random and probably not even about the food, but about power instead. 

last night, i made a super-duper fabulous coconut milk & shrimp stir-fry, which bear refused to eat. as soon as he got to the table he started his repetitive dialogue of “i hate this”, “i don’t like this”, which is a pretty common mantra around here recently. but, it’s frustrating because last week he gobbled up a similar stir-fry. all week he’s been at his rude, and last night, well, i had had it. i told me very calmly that it was time for him to change his attitude, eat up and be grateful. he didn’t take my suggestion, so he was sent to his room.


i quite enjoyed the stir-fry and am happy to share the recipe with you!

INGREDIENTS:

1 medium yellow onion
2 carrots
1 large handful kale
2-3 cloves garlic
1/2 block of firm tofu
3 tbsp sesame oil
1/4 braggs soy sauce
1/2 tsp coarse sea salt
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp oregano
1 sprinkling of fresh ground black pepper
1 package of pre-cooked frozen shrimp* (i took the tails off, as it’s easier for the kids)
1 can coconut milk

brown rice (how ever much you like to eat!)


DIRECTIONS:

1. chop onions, cube tofu and carrots into desired sizes. finely chop garlic and chop up kale.
2. start cooking your rice in a separate pot.
3. heat sesame oil in your wok or pan on a medium heat. do not over heat.
4. add onions and keep stirring until lightly browned.
5. add garlic and salt.
6. add tofu and braggs/ soy sauce. the pan will steam and spatter  if it does this, turn your heat down. keep stirring the tofu so that it doesn’t stick or burn.
6. add carrots, turmeric, oregano and cumin.
7. let the ingredients stew together. if you have lid for your pan, put that on. 
8. once the ingredients look nicely browned, softened and cooked, add coconut milk and shrimp. stir thoroughly.
9. let the sauce stew on a low temperature for a while. 
10. serve the shrimp coconut sauce on rice.


*check the thawing instructions on your shrimp package. i tossed my shrimp in a colander and ran them under cool water.


i personally love me a good stir- fry. look at all of the beautiful colours and textures; makes me hungry just looking at the final product! we eat at least one stir-fry a week. i use whatever veggies i find in the fridge. 


so, eventually bear apologized to me for being rude, but he still refused to eat his dinner, so it was straight to bed. he actually asked to go bed, which i understand. after three days of school he is always tired, super tired.

i hate dinner time battles. i take them personally as i am always thinking of the kids while preparing their meals. i think, “oh, lion loves tofu in this shape so that’s what i’ll do” or “bear was so excited last week when we had shrimp, so i’ll throw lots into this stir-fry tonight.he’ll be so happy”. silly me, i suppose!
what are your kids like at dinner? how do you deal with these kinds of power struggles?

here’s hoping tonight’s dinner goes more smoothly!


xo, mama lola

an anatomy chat.

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* FYI & warning: this post is full of language used to describe various body parts. the words are used accurately.
……………….

i love capturing little conversations i hear at our house…
here’s one that could be heard after bath one evening between bear and dear hubby.

bear: why do i need balls and a penis?
DH: they have two purposes, for peeing and making babies.
bear: making babies? how do they do that?
DH: well, it’s a long and complicated answer, and i will tell you another time.
bear: oh, ok.

the whole thing makes me giggle.

we’re very open and honest with the kids about the human body; what it does, why it does it and so on. unfortunately, dear hubby experienced a serious brain fart for the correct term for balls (which is scrotum just in case you are wondering), and so things were left at that. typically we try to be accurate, so as to avoid embarrassment later on. i would be mortified if my kids called their penises “wee wee’s”! I will admit though, this is the basic anatomy I draw the line at as I feel for the rest of it, I would need to research and probably prepare more than the regular anatomy chats. Thank goodness I have boys is all I can say! Much more simple to explain!

the words for private parts don’t just roll off our tongues, but even still i think it’s important to be accurate. and, in case your wondering about what a vagina versus a vulva is, read this. most of us are incorrect with our language for the female genitalia, without even knowing it!

we thought that by being clear and concise with our language now, we will avoid further confusion or embarrassment when the really tricky conversations about sex, sexuality and love arise. me and the hubby have both stated that we won’t go over overtly sexually topics such as Dildos or the various sexual dynamics one can find within a relationship, the basics is hard enough and they’re not needing to learn about any of that at all! also… saying, vulva or scrotum without blushing in front of your teenager has got to be a tricky thing! although, maybe it’s ok to blush in front of your kids when talking about this stuff, because maybe it humanizes it… i dunno, not there yet with my kids! what do you think?


what kind of language do you use to describe the anatomy with your family?


xo, mama lola

giving thanks & a fall fair.

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today was the most glorious day. the morning started with frost on the ground and crispness in the air that lingered longer than expected. it was the perfect day to head out on a thanksgiving morning to a local fall fair and have a spontaneous play date with wonderful friends.


it is moments like these where i feel my heart swelling with love and gratitude.

i am thankful for my beautiful children. they are my life.
i am thankful for my dear husband. he is gentle, loving and very cute!
i am thankful for my family and friends, and the love they give.
i am thankful for my health. it ain’t perfect, but i’ve come a long way, baby!

i am thankful for our community. it is a beautiful network of families and neighbours.
i am thankful for our home. sweet peppermint patty keeps us safe, warm and cozy, when it matters most.



i am thankful.



i am very thankful to all of you for your continued support with this blog.
i am thankful for my new readers, returning readers and the comments many of you leave. and hey, don’t forget to check out bear & lion on facebook!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL!
xo, mama lola


xo, mama lola

bob marley wants to know if i’m satisfied.

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today’s NaBloPoMo prompt is from bob marley’s song exodus: 

“open your eyes, look within. are you satisfied with the life you’re living“


love bob.

so, am i satisfied with the life i am living? in all honesty there is no one answer to this question.  over all, i love my life. are there things i would change? of course. are there things i would never change? absolutely.
and, what is satisfaction exactly? this source says it’s fulfillment and a quality of being. if i look closely at my life, i can honestly say that i am fulfilled in some aspects of my life, but not all. my mothering and nurturing role is one that i am proud of and it fulfills me in a way nothing else does. my children fill me with such love, pride and joy. i drink up their smiles and laughter, and i try to remember those faces during times of difficulty and turmoil. i love being a mama and know that this is the job i am supposed to be doing.

but, i do feel as though the intellectual, curious side of me gets neglected and is therefore unfulfilled. as an adult i loved going to school and learning. i loved working in my field at a women’s shelter. i have always enjoyed challenging and pushing myself into new, unknown territories whether through education, travel or work. or all three combined. that part of my life has been placed on hold temporarily. my plan is to go back and finish my women’s studies degree. but after lion was born and i had my tumour removed, i felt it was time to take time away from school. i did pursue my studies when bear was a baby, and i do see myself returning, but not at this time. not just yet. but, soon. 

when i was younger and fantasized about my life it had all the major players i have now. a husband,  a couple of kids, a house, a car, but as a kid i never fantasized beyond the materialistic side of life. i didn’t know how and i suppose i was too immature to understand how important that emotional satisfaction is. 
sometimes i do feel emotional unfulfilled and dissatisfied. being a SAHM is what i want to be doing, but it comes with it’s own set of cons. i am always repeating myself, wiping faces, wiping a lot of bums, i am always wiping counters, rinsing dishes, folding laundry, driving to somewhere, pushing swings, dumping sand out of shoes, reminding of manners, reminding the boys not hit each other, not to push each other, not to tattle, to think outside the box, and so and so. it’s very UNstimulating for my brain.
that sometimes leaves me feeling sad. overwhelmed. lonely. stupid. limited. unmotivated. isolated.

[ a random beach on the south shore of nova scotia. ]


at the end of the day for me, my satisfaction comes from finding a balance between all of the aspects of my life. when i am in balance, i feel good and satisfied with my life. 
i feel fulfilled. 
when i step off the line and lose my balance, i feel bad about myself and that negativity is felt by my kids and dear hubby.

i strive for balance.
every day that is my goal.

xo, mama lola

i am fortunate.

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i am feeling rather happy in this moment right now.
i often whine and complain, and bitch and vent about the kids and life on here, but today i want to do the complete opposite. i want to send out some love and gratitude to my village.

when bear was a baby, dear hubby was a full-time student and i was new mama, and we were broke. so broke, that it kinda surprises me that we even survived! my in-laws gave us a house to live in, and we managed to get some geico homeowners insurance for it, but it was not in our own city, so we moved half-an hour away. the house was big and happened to be the house dear hubby grew up in, but it was converted into a rental property for students. I can understand why people decide to invest in rental properties as people are always in need of them, especially students. I think if I was to invest in a property, I would make sure that it was a turnkey real estate as that means all you’d have to do is “turn the key” to your property as it will be ready for your residents to move into. How easy? Anyway, we lived (without the students) there for almost two years. and although i am forever grateful to my in-laws for letting us live there so cheaply, i was very unhappy there. i had no community of my own there. i left my MAMA friends and that village of support behind, in order to survive financially. sure, i drove in sometimes to see people, but that was tricky and time consuming.


this is where my g-town lovin’ started!

[ this is my baby group. we would take over a cafe on thursday mornings for much needed coffee and support! look at all the strollers! oh my! so much has changed since this picture was taken. families have moved away, siblings added, various health struggles have come to light, more tattoos have been inked, hair colours changed and some of us have formed tighter friendships within the larger group. but a group we are, and we still hold a bit of a reputation in town, which i discovered last night! lucky ladies! ]


when we bought our house (after a friend had so much luck getting theirs through UpNest) and moved back to our beloved city, i worked hard to re-create and expand my village and community here. now, i have lots of mama friends who expand beyond the baby group. mama’s i’ve scooped up into my network via activities the kids have been involved in.with kids at similar ages of development, who i can turn to for support in times of need. my kids have friends to play with and we have lots of other families to do various fun things with. as a SAHM i find the adult interaction vital to my sanity, and having different people to visit and see is such an important part of our lives.
we are so fortunate to have a village to help raise our boys.
we are so fortunate to be involved in a wonderful community.
especially since bear is starting school in a few weeks, and the transition is going to be tough for this mama!

i want to send a sincere and heartfelt hug to you all.

source


that being said, i do want to also send a shout out to my out-of-town supports as well. you are just as important and necessary to us.
we have enough love for everyone.

xo, mama lola

sunday, and a weekend update.

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on saturday dear hubby and i went on a spontaneous trip to the art gallery in the big city. my folks watched the kids, while we toured the gallery admiring the works of pablo picasso. man, that guy really was a genius! it was so enjoyable to see the art, even though we were joined by hundred of other art lovers who were all squeezing in some saturday morning art on the second last day of the exhibit! because, the boys weren’t with us we were able to go at a slow pace and take our time. we even held hands and that never happens with the kids around!

then we walked down to the hustle and bustle of queen street west, where we checked out some shops, ate veggie dogs for lunch and then hopped on the street car. dear hubby fell asleep along the ride, but i enjoyed the people watching and felt a twinge in my heart; in these quiet moments i miss toronto. so much. i spent a huge chunk of time there, growing up really, trying to figure out who i was. watching the city and it’s people i truly felt like an outsider looking in, as someone who had once belonged, but didn’t anymore. 
i belong somewhere else. so it’s ok.

but, it was confirmed for me as well on this streetcar ride, that i am not ready to move back to the big city. there is always talk of it. but, at this time i am satisfied living an hour outside the noise and busyness, in our small city among the community we are a part of. honestly though, i do see us moving back, possibly when the kids are older and can ride the subway alone.
(sorry sunshine).

this morning we visited dear hubby’s sister and her mister, and their sweetest little gal. we swam in the pool, chatted and had a really nice time. the kids played and took turns holding their six month old cousin, who didn’t seem to mind the game of musical laps until her papa walked in the room! missyM was so intrigued by her busy cousins, and the three of them together is so cute! even though we haven’t seen as much of them as we would have liked (summer got super busy), it is nice to know they are so close. especially since in a few months they are packing up and moving to south aftrica for at least a year!  this fall we are going to take advantage of their close proximity while we can and visit lots!

these three pictures crack me up! oh, kids!


and to end the day, tonight, dear hubby made pizza for dinner. yum. 
the kids are upin bed. bear told me countless times what a wonderful time he had with his grandparents one day and his wee cousin the other. lion, well, he’s just been grumpy this evening as the two year molars that are coming through are really hurting.

great weekend. 
saw lots of people we love. saw some incredible art. 

xo, mama lola

a summer wedding.

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our dear bubba and patty got married this weekend. it was one of the most beautiful weddings i have attended. the ceremony was held in a gorgeous church, steps away from the reception venue. the reception itself was beautiful, with flowers and candles, everything down to the last detail was perfect, they even had the most gorgeous linen for table cloths. The mood was so happy and it seemed as though nothing went wrong. as one of the co-MC’s, i knew from the start that things started a bit behind schedule, but hey, isn’t that kind of expected? whose ever been to a wedding that’s right on time?

here are some photo’s from a wedding weekend.
the wedding rehearsal on friday evening went great. the kids raced down the aisle when it was their turn to practice their walk, but at least they didn’t cry or scream!

bubba came to our house to get dressed with the kids. he brought with him a photographer that he found when he searched for wedding photography Virginia Beach companies that would later be the photographers for the whole day and actual wedding. considering the photographer unexpectedly came to my house, it made me feel very insecure about all the mess. oh well, so it goes. in the picture below, you can see bubba all dressed walking in the background. he looked so good!


our boys were the ring bearer’s and took the responsibility seriously. at the ceremony dear hubby walked down the aisle with them, but as we sat in the pews they were exceptionally quiet. this meant, dear hubby and i sat at the front able to witness the beautiful couple exchange vows. the ceremony was followed by communion, and that’s when we snuck out of the church to go have a bit of a picnic on the lawn.


unfortunately, i took no pictures of our family. no pictures of the bride and groom, my SIL and her family or my in-laws. there are no pictures of m co-MC and i. this is what happens when the family photographer is busy with other responsibilities! i’m hoping to collect some photo’s from other people and compile memories that way! They looked for a while to find the right photographer for their wedding, as they wanted their photos to look amazing with their own unique style, luckily they found someone who could deliver that. If you are stuck with finding a photographer, doing a quick google search can help you, an example of this, is typing in ‘wedding photographer Charlottesville‘ if you needed to find one in that general area, don’t despair you will find one!

it’s so fun to get dressed up sometimes, especially since it happens so rarely. the kids were such superstars and lasted late into the night. by 11:15pm, both kids were passed out so we hopped into a cab and came home. they slept through the night and even slept in a bit this morning, which was a first for the kids. with an early bedtime for all tonight, i think we’ll be as good as new to start our week tomorrow.



i will sign off this evening with my toast to the newly weds that got me all choked up last night:

“ i would like to make a toast. i feel honoured to be standing here in front all of you; the people dearest to patricia and blake. let us raise our glasses in celebration of this wonderful occasion… trish and blake i think i speak for everyone here when i say we wish you the very best in love, in life, together as husband and wife. to trish and blake…


xo, mama lola

bear at camp.

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bear has been attending a summer day camp this week. leading up to this week i knew the morning drop-offs would be difficult, but i didn’t realize they would be as extreme as they have been. 
on monday morning bear was screaming and crying on our way to the car from our house. the few steps it takes to walk to the driveway were stressful and full of “i don’t wanna go’s”. at camp i had to drag him to the school door, while carrying lion and trying to say hello to the camp staff. it was one of those moments where i just wanted to scoop up the kids and run and hide but, since that wasn’t going to happen, i brought bear inside as he was still crying, and tried to introduce him to the terrified looking staff. i tried to get him involved in an activity and i tried to hang up his bag. but he had none of it.


eventually i just left. at his preschool the motto was “a quick good-bye and a long hello”, which worked well there with two educated teachers who expected upset kids in the first few weeks of school. but, this camp is run by a small neighbourhood group, with one adult and a handful of teens running the day to day, who are great, but ill equipped to deal with the anxiety bear presented with.


on monday when i got outside from leaving my screaming bear with a bunch of strangers, i myself, burst into a heavy sob of tears. the whole drop off process was incredibly stressful, upsetting and i was so on edge. i phoned dear hubby and he said he would do the drop off the following day. fine.
then some other mama’s came out and calmed me down and brought me back to reality. gotta love the mama support!!!
at the end of the day at pick up he was delighted to see me and told me had had a great time with his friends. phew! maybe this was going to be ok, i thought.


so, tuesday dear hubby dropped bear off at camp. there was some protesting at home, but really compared to monday it was easy as pie. and apparently at the camp, he was clingy, but didn’t cry and eventually let go of dad.


then on wednesday i was feeling hopeful (silly me) that things would be better as it was my turn to do camp drop off again. but no. bear cried and carried on and on at camp. eventually, again, i left feeling terrible and feeling the weight of the guilt draped over my shoulders and again wanted to run and hide under a rock.
maybe i was all wrong; maybe bear really wasn’t ready for camp and maybe i should have just kept him at home. i hated the looks the other parents were giving me and i hated being labelled “that mom” or “that crying kids mom”. not that anyone was saying anything bad, but when your kid is the only one freaking out, it just kinda happens!


today, thursday, the plan at camp was to take the kids on a city bus to the art factory (where we went with friends, see pics HERE). bear was super excited about going on a bus and since it was dear hubby’s turn to do drop off again, i sat at home waiting anxiously to hear what happened. when dear hubby phoned, he said in a very smug voice that there were no tears and no clingyness and bear was fine. i was so relieved to hear my guy was fine, but was so mad at dear hubby for his smug tone on the phone. i ended the call quickly! ha! 


tomorrow is bear’s last day of camp and he sounds pretty excited about going. he is happy he gets to bring home the tie dye pillow case he made, the fish he crafted and who knows what else! i am glad the camp week is coming to a close, because the stress of it has been too much for me!
phew. we survived, but barely.
serenity now.


i have no pictures from this week. i wanted to get pictures from camp, but for obvious reasons was not able to get my camera out. so it goes.


peace.



xo, mama lola
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