rewards chart, it’s our first time.

May 22, 2013 by mama lola

i’ve mentioned here before how we have been having a hard time with bear lately. his day to day behaviour is exhausting to live with. his negativity, his sassy mouth and the potty mouth are the top concerns we have. so after talking to another mama, i decided to make him a rewards chart. we’ve never made one for our kids, not even for potty training, so i thought it was worth a try.

one day as bear and i walked home from school just the two of us, we had a chat : mom to son. i started off by saying he and i were in a rut and that we had bad habits in place for clear, honest communication. our response to each other was always the same, we were snappy and grumpy, just cuz. i admitted to having my own bad habits and i asked bear if he was willing to work together to change things up.
he said yes.
then i told him about the chart and that if he succeeded in filling it in with stickers, then we would go to the toy store and buy a wee toy. bear helped make the chart; he numbered the days and then helped decide what the categories should be. he wanted everything to have it’s own row, but i had to contain it all. not sure i did a great job, but so far it seems to be keeping us on the right track.

i’m not super excited about admitting that i am bribing my kid to behave, but i think that incentive can work effectively when used appropriately. and really, it’s about changing behaviour and hopefully by the end of this week, we’ll have both taken a turn for the better.

it’s a huge chart with 100 squares, but on the weekend some of the categories are not applicable (hang up back up, take out lunch bag etc), and we’ve given him a few “allowed oops'”, because we all make mistakes and forget or are tired. i’m not looking for perfect behaviour, but i am hoping for an effort towards courtesy, kindness and positivity.

i don’t have a chart for myself and alas, do not receive any stickers for my efforts. but, i do see the change in him and that’s all the reward i need. kids really do reflect back what they see and feel from us, the parents. they copy and mimic us in ways that is so surprising. i see and hear myself (and dear hubby) in the kids; sometimes i cringe in shame, other times i jump up with pride and think “wow, we are doing something right!”

this whole parenting gig is tricky and, as the kids get older it gets much more challenging intellectually and emotionally. sleep deprivation and battles with getting babes to sleep or to nurse, all seem so easy somehow in comparison. but, i suppose i now have the skills and confidence to deal with sleep issues, but i cannot say the same about dealing with a 5 year old who talks back with great sass in his tone. if you happen to be in the same boat as me, it’s best to contact specialists like Gwinnett Sleep, who might be able to help you with your sleep deprivation at least.

having said that, at the end of the day, i am grateful for whatever battles come my way. i am proud to be my kids’ äiti (mum) and happy to take each day as they come. as long as i get to drink my coffee as well!

happy days ahead!

a little perspective, thanks zach.

May 21, 2013 by mama lola

today after putting my wee lion down for his nap, i puttered down the stairs to check what was happening on the internet. scrolling through facebook i saw this.

what a smile.

it’s a short 23 minute documentary and tribute to this young man, zach sobiech. if you watch it, make sure you have a few handfuls of tissues with you. it’s sad. zach had cancer and this is his story. his family and friends share in their love for this brave young man.

this is the hollywood tribute that was shown partially in the video.

it’s zach’s song.

it’ll be in my head and heart forever.

i am going to take the simple lesson that zach spoke of and be happy and make sure other’s are happy too. especially my family, my kids and me.

it is so easy to be complaisant, to take people for granted and allow yourself yo be stuck in ruts.
zach passed away yesterday, may 20th 2013, and from the sounds of it he left a lot of happiness and joy with all of his loved ones. that is a truly magnificent gift.
i hope i can one day do the same.

peace.

i left my pity party in april.

May 20, 2013 by mama lola

about a month ago i wrote a post about the pity party i was throwing myself. i was very unsure about writing it, never mind publishing it, but i felt like i needed to do it as a part of my process. stupid? maybe. foolish? perhaps.
i received many, many kind comments filled with support and words of wisdom. and for that, i am so grateful. i love the connections i have made in the blogging world, who knew?!

but truth be old, initially i was too embarrassed to even read them. i felt awkward and uncomfortable, because i didn’t share my pity party post as a way to get attention or what have you. my thinking was that if i put IT, all of IT out there, then maybe i could move on.
so i took the leap and jumped.

recently, i’ve had some teary conversations with loved ones about my life, my choices and where i’m headed. there are some huge unknowns in my life and what i have come realize that it is up to me, ME to fill them. i cannot wait for others to decide what they want to do with their lives.
my life keeps on ticking.

as my mum keeps telling me, we are truly alone in life, even when we have loving families around us. because, it is up to US to live our OWN lives regardless of what others say, think or do. even when we have the best supportive partners in our lives, it is still up to us to decide which direction we want our lives to go in. being selfish is a skill, and i am terrible at it. all i do is think of other people and their needs, and completely neglect my own.

so that was april.
may is brighter.
onwards and upwards, with a few steps back here and there. i’m learning, just like everyone else and trying my hardest to be the best i can be. even if it doesn’t seem like that to everyone.

teacher gifts!

May 18, 2013 by mama lola

there is just over a month of school for us, or bear specifically. i want to give something special to his teacher’s, because i really appreciate and value all of their efforts this year. bear has learned so much this past year. he is french immersion, which means he is surrounded by french all day and he is expected to speak it as well. and he does. not a lot, but enough to get by, he will ask to use the bathroom, sing songs and answer a few questions throughout the day. for this reason, i think i might look for something like these personalized bobbleheads and try to get it to resemble a french person, hopefully bear’s french teacher would appreciate the gesture!

i always enjoy talking to his teachers and getting to know them better. talking to them lets me find out so much more about them, like their teaching style and grading methods. if you want to get on the good side with your childs teacher then tell them about GradeCam, it’s a service bear’s teachers uses to help grade work, it really helps them out and the teacher would love you for introducing them to it. click here for it.

anyway, i have put together a collection of gifts that teachers may appreciate. i don’t think you have to spend a lot to show your appreciation. here are a few fun ideas to jazz up or personalize simple gift ideas. keep in mind the personality of the teacher – one with a good sense of humor may love a pair of custom face socks as a great in-joke, but one who is a bit more formal may prefer some cuff links or a tie. from what i have heard, teachers prefer to receive things that are meant for them, rather than their classroom, which makes good sense. you wouldn’t buy your mechanic a can of oil to show your gratitude, would you?

here we go!

50 cute sayings from skip to my lou

polka dot tote with cute printable from uncommon designs

personalized soap dispenser from design mom

printable, personal tags from making life whimsical

gift card and treat from hi sugarplum

succulent garden from the idea room

sometimes it’s nice to join forces with another family or two and get the teachers a “bigger” gift. like a gift card with more funds on it, or a fancier bag or whatever!

but, it is important to ensure the gift is personal and practical on some lever. crayon art of the teachers initials is not really what a teacher wants to receive… would you?

just call me diaper head.

May 15, 2013 by mama lola

i am the mother of two boys. with that comes a certain amount of daily conversation around penises, watching the kids stick their hands down their pants and let’snot forget about bum wiping! it all comes with the job and i get it!

[source]

but, now we have entered a new world of poop talk.
since starting school and more specifically since around christmas bear, my 5YO, says the word poo probably a million times a day. there are songs that he sings with only the word poo as lyrics. and, he targets his little brother with these words and rhymes and songs, in a taunting tone. i hear lion trying to stand up for himself shouting “no, me no poo, me a kid”. i cheer loudly for him in my head and think right on little lion! but, bear just keeps on going.

he repeats sentences like these every chance he gets..

you’re a diaper head.

you’re poopy baby poo.

you’re a baby diaper poo head.

poo-poo-poopy poo head.

i realize it is age appropriate, but i find this kind of talk absolutely exhausting to have to listen, because he never turns it off. bear has tried to bring the poo talk to the dinner table, but that’s where i’ve laid down the law, say the word once and it’s straight to bed. it works. but, then he starts with the name calling and poo talk as soon as he’s been excused from the table.

[source]

we’ve tried threats, ignoring it, taking away bed time stories, you name it, but it just keeps going on and on. i’ve asked around and some of his friends do it too, but not quite to the same degree.

the worst things about this poop talk is that now lion is slowly jumping onto the bandwagon! aaahhhhhh! this cannot be happening!!!!!

what have you done with your kids when they went through this phase???

HELP ME!!?!

wind catcher craft!

May 13, 2013 by mama lola

look at this fantastic wind catcher dear hubby received from lion for his earth day birthday back in april!

here’s how we made it!
i found the idea HERE at inspiration laboratories. first, the kids and i went on a nature hike by the river in search of natural treasure we could use on the catchers. i let lion pick and choose his own items and we gathered lots, because i figured more was funner and it gave us room to make mistakes or get even more creative!

at home we let the treasures dry out a bit before we set to work.

i tied up two sticks in the middle to make the X for hanging the other items from. lion painted his natural objects as carefully as any almost three year old would! even poppy wanted in on the painting action!

wind catcher, nature crafts, painting bark

then i tied up the painted treasures to the X with string and voila!
dude could not have been prouder and dear hubby was quite impressed with this beautiful gift!

happy crafting and wind catching!

my mother’s day.

May 12, 2013 by mama lola

mother’s day is drawing to a close.
our day was full, happy and overflowing with love. it wasn’t a mother’s day that was about fancy jewels or planned with anything extra special. but, there were just enough small surprises and just the right kind of special things going on to make it an awesome day!

i woke up to a quiet, still house, except for poppy who was meowing her morning song full blast. i waited for my guys to rise. once they did, i got songs sung to me by two adorable naked little boys. i was gifted a beautiful painting bear completed at school and a bunch of wonderful cards and crafts. my dear hubby got me a waffle iron, but what he got me that was the best thing ever was…. he brought his old childhood desk from his parent’s house and set it up in the basement for me. i realize it doesn’t sound like anything special, but i’ve been wanting a quiet, private space to do some sewing for along timenow. out basement is not finished, but i will make my wee corner cozy and an area for working.
i am so excited!

dear hubby whipped up some yummy (egg free) waffles and then we headed out to see my parents. we decided to meet in a town about half way between our two communities. we found an old textile mill from the turn of the 20th century that has recently been turned into a series of galleries and working art studio’s. the limestone building was so well preserved and maintained with touched of old and new, that each turn or gallery we discovered was exciting to view. even the outside space was decorated with interesting, beautiful art.

the weather today was wild; cold, wet, sunny, windy and an adventure of its own! it made it impossible to stay outside for long periods, because at times it felt as though we were being attacked by whatever was falling from the sky! it was hilarious, and we all had fun with it, but only because these temperatures that are hovering around zero will belong gone by mid week!

after the art we had a beautiful japanese lunch and showered my mum with all sorts of gifts. the biggest being a ping pong table as per her request. the actual table is too big to fit into our minivan with all of us in it, so we made a cardboard replica and dear hubby will deliver the real deal tomorrow! so hilarious! my parents starting with ping pong! haha! the kids of course are excited and cannot wait to go play!

we ended the day at home with quick naps on the couch for lion and myself. quick, easy dinner made by dear hubby; grilled bagels with brie, tomato, avocado and dijon! yum!

not that i want to compare one special occasion with another, but i think i have to admit this was definitely one of the best mother’s day yet! although, truth be told it’s also only my fifth, but who cares. we had a wonderful day and that’s what matters most!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

this moment.

May 10, 2013 by mama lola

as inspired by souleMama; one photo from our week, no words, only an image to sum up our time as a family. one that captures a moment in time and is a visual reminder of where we were at this time in our lives.

this is a picture of myself (second from the right trying to hold back tears) and some of my fellow brain tumour survivors at our towns spring sprint last sunday. it was a beautiful spring day, a perfect day for a run or walk to raise funds for the canadian brain tumour foundation. we raised over $39, 000!!! wooohooooooooo!!!! so awesome!!!

my parents came, which meant a great deal to me. i think it was very cathartic for my mum, especially, to see so many people involved in such a great cause. people who are living with or have survived a brain tumour surrounded by all of their friends and family! surrounded by so much love!

my kids came and now at 5 years of age bear was asking some tough questions. luckily dear hubby was there to answer them. he told bear we were there to support survivors of brain tumours and that the people wearing blue shirts had had a tumour and had been sick. (there were also people wearing white shirts who were family or friends of a survivor and people in orange shirts were volunteers).

bear saw me in my blue shirt all day, but never made the connection.
not yet anyway
one day soon it’s a conversation we will have to have with the kids.

anyhow, let me hear three cheers for all these survivors in blue shirts…
HIP-HIP HOORAY!
HIP-HIP HOORAY!
HIP-HIP HOORAY!

i would love it if you left a link to your { this moment }.

this is my pity party.

April 28, 2013 by mama lola

i’ve been having a real shitty few weeks, months really.
i am trying come out of it.
since the new year, i have tried to grow as a person, ya know, being the best i can be, while allowing myself to make mistakes, learn from them and move on. but, that’s not happening the way i imagined it would. i am having a difficult time keeping the momentum going.
welcome to my pity party!

over the years i have tried to be a good person: a reliable friend, a strong wife and a stable mother. i am the first to admit and acknowledge that i have made huge mistakes and have failed at being strong or level headed when i should have. but, should making mistakes make me a target, especially when i have held myself responsible for my actions? all of those roles i mentioned earlier are near impossible to maintain on a good day, never mind when i am being blamed for the mistakes of others. it is difficult to hold my chin up with confidence and pride when i am told my pain is illegitimate and irrelevant. it devalues me as a person, while stripping me of my worth, and completely dismissing existence.
i am not capable of just pretending everything is ok and ignore the massive pink elephant in the room. but, what am i supposed to do when i try to talk about these issues with them and they respond in a way that is so cold, accusatory and harsh. why are they allowed to treat me like shit? who gave them that permission…. was it me?

so lately instead of asking for help and support, i have started to shut down and turn into myself. i have started to censor myself more here, because some of the shit holding me back is related to family. (it always is, right?) i wish i could be more open and not feel as though i need to censor myself here, as this place is one i have created for myself; for my thoughts, my feelings, my projects, my fave recipes, my vents, my highs and my woes. MY life. but, i share my life with others, and i do not want out people or cause more hurt or divide, so i will only share about my process, my pity party.

today, at the end of april, i am desperately trying to dig myself out of this mess, this hole i dug for myself. it is a hole i feel like i am being pushed back into whenever i start feel a little stronger. i cannot control what other people do, i understand that, but i am struggling to be a duck in rain and let what they think of me roll off of my back. i am raw, vulnerable and hurting, and somehow it feels as though that doesn’t matter to anyone.

this post sounds like a pity party, i know, but i am trying to find my motivation again. i thought that if i put some of my pain out there for all to see and read, maybe they would stop blaming me for everything and recognize that everyone makes mistakes, including them. and holding ones self accountable takes courage.
i refuse to be a scapegoat.
i am worth more.
i deserve better.

mother’s day treats!

April 27, 2013 by mama lola

i know, i know treats and yummy things can be unhealthy, but on special occasions i think, a little something delicious is worth the extra calories! here are some treats i compiled that i would be delighted to taste, enjoy and devour if made for me on Mother’s Day!