it is really hard for me to admit that. that i am a brain tumour survivor.

today was the brain tumour foundation of canada‘s walk/ run in our town. it was an incredibly emotional morning for me, as i met other survivors and people living with various brain tumours. the event was lovely and had such a relaxed mood, that the down side of the reason we had all come together was easy to forget.

[ cheerleaders providing entertainment! ]

i am realizing that my tumour didn’t have to be so scary, but because i was pregnant with lion, my situation was made that much worse. because we had to wait to remove the tumour until after lion’s birth, it provided it time to grow bigger and cause lots more terrible headaches, which consequently meant i was popping more prescription pain medication, which in turn meant i felt tremendous guilt and fear.

i had all these emotions going around in my mind. i actually thought that i was going to lose my life. in fact, i couldn’t remember what life was like before this diagnosis and before these headaches that caused me so much pain. i have never felt anything like it before. there was even a time during all of this that i considered looking into life insurance (read more here) because i wanted to make sure that my family had financial security should anything happen to me. yes, i was that scared that i wouldn’t make it through my treatment and pregnancy. i would be lying if i said that i wasn’t scared for my life.

if only my tumour had made itself known before or after my pregnancy with lion, i don’t think i would get so emotional about it all.

in case you are new to my blog, for a birth stories go here. but what happened was, lion was born via scheduled c-section and i was under a general anesthetic, so i was not awake for his birth and dear hubby had to wait outside the operating room. they were supposed to put me under and cut me open, so that lion wouldn’t get much of the anesthesia, but they screwed up. i was under for almost 20 minutes before lion was born, because the placenta was right at the incision site, which they were not expecting and i lost a lot of blood. lion lost all vitals at birth and was rushed off to be resuscitated, while i lay there completely out of it and dear hubby stood outside. then, a red emergency light turned on and an alarm went off outside the door to my operating room and that’s how dear hubby knew something awful had happened.

after five days at the specialty, fancy hospital lion was transferred to our local hospital, where he stayed another few nights before coming home.

i couldn’t have a vaginal birth, because they thought the pressure of pushing the baby out could cause my tumour to explode. and, i had to be put under, because the epidural (which is the norm for a c-section) is placed into your spine, the specialists were concerned that too might cause the pressure to change in my head causing the tumour to explode and kill me instantly.

and here we are today, healthy and happy.
many brain tumour patients are in fact dealing with cancer and i feel like a bit of a fraud with non-malignant macro adenoma. but still, i am so grateful i have found this group of brain tumour survivors and will start attending their support groups monthly. i wish so much, that i had been aware of their existence back when we were dealing with the tumour stuff daily. perhaps, my story can of help to someone else, maybe even another pregnant mama.

[ there were only 16 of us in blue. blue shirts meant we had survived or were living with a brain tumour.]

if you would like to make a donation click here click here, the deadline is july 31, 2012.

i will leave you with this to think about…
“in canada 27 people receive a brain tumour diagnosis a day.”

[ we, survivors walked together before joining our friends and families for the main portion. i cried and cried, as i was held by other survivors. i realized for the first time ever that i was not alone. we were all handed roses.]