guns n’ boys n’ stuff.

June 10, 2012 by mama lola

what exactly does “boys will be boys” mean?
does it mean that boys have an innate tendency towards violence? because, that saying is often heard after someone sees boys playing roughly, mischievously or violently. nobody ever says the same about girls.

dear hubby and i have a rule about certain toys not being welcome in our home, basically guns and swords. Other tech play like games on the xbox and flying a drone like the ones from https://www.drdrone.ca/pages/mavic-mini, are permitted because this is harmless fun of course. But, guns scare me, a lot. and i don’t think they are an appropriate toy for my boys to play with. from all of the reading we did on this, and there is TONS of stuff out there, our decision was a natural extension of our (parenting) values. we are pacifists, our kids don’t have water guns and don’t wear anything camo; both are very conscious choices we have made for our children. My sister allows her children to use a bb gun (only when supervised), with the best shoulder holsters reviewed to help her kids understand how to handle guns safely, be it bb guns or live rounds. Her kids are a lot older than mine and I can see her point of view that it’s useful to have a bb gun for protection. We are not against pretend games or imaginative play where violence is a major player.

kids, including our boys, want to push boundaries, feel powerful, and yearn to discover their own world view, and if violence is a part of that play and exploration, i think that’s ok. I’d be somewhat of a hypocrite if I didn’t, since the older males in my life growing up always went hunting and used to look about into new equipment they could buy themselves. No doubt those same guys are probably viewing something like Dailycaller.com or the likes, to read up on some high-tech scopes and attachments for their rifles. I see the distinct difference between hunting and uneccessary violence though.

violence is every where around us. i grew up watching various BBC nature shows with david attenborough. remember those from the 80’s? he taught me that the natural world is full of violence, killing, torture and survival; good guys against the bad guys; the hunter versus the hunted. exploring one’s place in all of this is expected. right?

but, and this is a big but…
war, is not a game. it is something so awful, i don’t want my kids to ever even imagine being involved in one. guns were created with one intention in mind: to kill. that is their only purpose and that’s why we don’t allow anything resembling one in our house or in our play.

i do struggle with where to draw the line. how much violence is too much? are fingers pointed like guns and aimed at others ok, well, i’m not sure. and, how much “rough housing” should i tolerate before calling it quits?

stuff to read on this, HERE and HERE.

where do you draw the line with your kids of any gender?

[ the pictures are from our hot day at the beach today. the kids built this interesting piece of architecture with the help of some older kids they befriended. such a fun day! we’re all tired from the sun! and to end the day on a high note, lion pooped in the potty for the first time, completely on his own initially. we did have to encourage him finish the task once he had started! ]

friday, i’m in love.

June 10, 2012 by mama lola

friday afternoon bear had a quick visit to JK classroom. he was scared as we were leaving the house and was the first kid to start crying in the classroom, but according to the teacher, mademoiselle C, he was also the first to stop. by the time we showed to take him home he was busy colouring the turtle they were given as a craft.

whew.
maybe he will be ok.
i sobbed in the car. this september is going to be heartbreaking for me. the thought of missing him, brings tightness to my chest and sadness into my eyes.

anyhow, to balance out the stress of the afternoon we filled friday evening with loads of fun and wonderful family memories. because, our summer is so short and i want to make sure we take advantage of these warm dusk hours before it’s too late.

first we enjoyed a beautiful, colourful dinner outside in our backyard. we gobbled up roasted new potatoes and brussel sprouts, a tofu n’ bean scramble, and a lush garden salad with homemade croutons.

[ brussle sprouts halved, new potatoes halved, several chunks of butter
and a generous sprinkling of sea salt, baked in hot 400F over for 30-45mins.
take out of oven and mix every so often to ensure the buttery goodness is absorbed. ]

[ 1 yellow onion, 2 carrots chopped, 1/2 broccoli chopped, 2 cloves garlic, half can of black beans, half can of chick peas, 1 package of medium tofu, 1/2 tsp tumeric, 1/4 cup tamari sauce, few shakes of black pepper, fresh chives and basil leaves from the garden. all done in cast iron pan stove top, quick easy, fast. ]

[ all it is is romaine lettuce, apples, tomatoes, sun flower seeds and lotsa fresh parsley from the garden. the croutons are plain bread cut in squares and mixed with olive oil and baked in the oven for about 10-15mins
at 400F. mix ’em up every so often for a more even bake and colouring effect. ]

after dinner we drove down to the river and for some ice cream! as we sat and ate the creamy goodness, we were surrounded by tons of geese and goslings, which of course the kids were thrilled with!

then we hit the park!

run daddy, run!!!

today wasn’t half bad either, but tomorrow will be glorious! we are hitting our favourite beach for the day. oh, the sun, waves, sand and fun!

weathering the storms.

June 8, 2012 by mama lola

i have been away from my blog for a couple of days, as we are living through a bit of a parenting storm. the storms are brought on by our four year old bear, and they have made navigating the parenting adventure difficult. bear is giving us a hard time and i have been feeling super stressed, guilty and hopeless. My friend has even told me to consider growing some types of cannabis strains that she found on weed-seeds.ca to help to see if this would relieve any of my stress. She said that all you have to do is plant the seeds in your garden and just wait for them to flourish and then you can enjoy the effects it has once it has fully grown. I’m not sure though, just because it works for her, it doesn’t mean that it will work for me. Anyway, I need to do or take something to help with my stress now as the kids are driving me bananas. I’m sure this method is as effective as they say as that said friend even takes cannabis on a regular basis. Just the other day, she decided to make her own homemade bong as she had lost hers and smoked the product through there instead and she said that she was stress-free in no time. So maybe I should give it a go?

[ a big storm rolled in with lots of rain, hail and massive, loud thunder. we watched the rain in awe. ]

because, bear is our first born he is the one who presents us with these new parenting challenges. how to overcome sleep deprivation was one of the first challenges he threw our way… and I don’t even think we’ve mastered that now. using the likes of Nutra CBD olie would’ve definitely been a good idea to help with my stress, but back then, I definitely should’ve used it to help with my insomnia because we were just getting no sleep at all. although, he got away with this because he was just so cute. however, as he reaches new milestones or turns a new number we are always faced with unknown parenting territory. lately, bear has been extra whiny, but he has completely stopped listening to anything that i say. the simplest task seems to turn into a power struggle and it makes our days unpleasant. i have been dreading each day when i wake up. what an awful feeling for this mama.

[ then we played during the storm. bear was feeling quite anxious from the thunder,
which was understandable as it felt like the whole house shook when it boomed in the sky. ]

but, thanks to facebook and to the many pieces of advice my friends offered after i left a pathetic status update, i am now feeling optimistic about where we’re headed. i was given some book recommendations and today dear hubby has promised to buy one for us. barbara coloroso came up several times, so here’s hoping our local indie bookstore has her book “kids are worth it”.

[ how could anyone who sleeps like this stress me out? ]

bear has a quick visit in a JK classroom this afternoon. he is scared and nervous and i am trying to psyche him up gently. i think he’ll be ok for the 45 minutes he’s there alone with his friends and teacher. unfortunately, he will not be at his actual school as it is still under construction.

****
and for some good parenting news…
our sweet little lion has started to show interested in the potty. and this morning he had his first official pee in it! bear, dear hubby and i all cheered and clapped as he sat naked beaming with pride. i must admit, i was beaming too!

*****
happy week-ending everyone!
xo

empathy :: lesson’s to be learned.

June 4, 2012 by mama lola

my four year old bear can be the most empathetic person i know. and then, he can be coldest, meanest person i know as well. teaching someone to be empathetic is tricky. teaching someone to trace lines is much easier.

today bear was blatantly mean to his good friend, and when the friend told him his feelings were hurt, bear laughed a terrible mean laugh. my heart sank, i flushed and felt instant shame and embarrassment. after our friends left, i tried to talk to him about empathy and why it’s important. but it kind of back fired.
when bear feels socially unsure, insecure or embarrassed he giggles and laughs. it’s something that infuriates me, because i feel judged by other parents. i know he cares about people, especially his friends, but it’s like there’s a link missing between feeling something and knowing what to do about it. he’s kinda like his dad in that sense. dear hubby is very internal and can shut down if confronted with emotionally uncomfortable or demanding situations. and yeah, i get it, why they do it, where i comes from, what triggers it, but it doesn’t mean i like living with it.

[ this is what i looked like mid-afternoon. so tired, but i was woken up at 5:30am. ]

i tried talking to bear again after lion went down for his nap (sootherless, mind you). he was kind of getting it, but he was also tired, so i dropped it after about 10 minutes. emotions are difficult things to navigate, but it is so necessary to know what feelings are, and what to call them. i think that’s what i really need to focus on with bear right now, labelling his emotions as we encourage (or am i insisting) on learning to be more empathetic.

*******

last night at bedtime there was a big search for lion’s thu-thu (soother) and we took that as a sign to ditch the habit. he fell asleep relatively well, only shouting “stop that” a couple of times when dear hubby tried to rub his back. he woke up a couple of times in the night, but that’s pretty common for him. dear hubby co-slept with lion, but i think it’s the cool temps that’s waking him in the night, and not the absence of the soother. today’s nap was cut a little short, as i couldn’t get him to fall back asleep once he woke up. we’ll see what bedtime is like tonight.
i’m guessing a disaster!
today, he hasn’t really asked for his thu-thu, which is the shocking part. when we took bear’s toodle-loo away, he would ask and scream for it, especially at sleeping times.

counting down to the end of this very long, long monday.

* does anyone have any good empathy book recommendations?
thanks.

june showers.

June 3, 2012 by mama lola

we have a big family wedding this summer, bubba & patty are getting married! the boys are ring bearers, dear hubby will usher at the church and i will co-MC at the reception. we’re all super excited! this weekend was patty’s shower. it was such a lovely afternoon with her friends and family. patty’s mum and sister worked hard and fed us with beautiful food, and in turn had us participating in silly games!

sunday, sunday was a lazy family day for us, for a change. bear and i had some superb morning cuddles first up in bed and then downstairs on the couch. he’s going through a snuggly phase again, which i love. of course.

then we played outside on the front porch. it has been raining and raining and raining here. not that i’m complaining, just making an observation! the picture of the dark clouds is from saturday evening. looked menacing, but it only rained a little.

dear hubby made his famous rice-n-beans-guacamole-holy-moly burritos for dinner. they were so delicious, topped with peach/mango salsa and sour cream. i accidentally over-ate a little! sigh.

now, kids off to bed with their clean hair and sleepy eyes.

dear hubby and i cannot find lion’s soother anywhere and we’re taking it as a sign. so, this is it… cutting that habit off tonight! fingers crossed the little dude doesn’t get too mad. bear was a disaster for a couple of nights, but then got over it pretty quickly.

good night.

here’s hoping for a restful sleep, yeah right!!!

sleep.

May 31, 2012 by mama lola

as summer rolls in with it’s hot and humid days we are clocking in more hours outside. there are gardens to tend to, bikes to ride and diggers to dig with. we are trying to take advantage of the warm weather. but, with warmer temperatures come new routines and a mama who has to be more flexible about all the daily activities.

baths are often skipped for a dip in the kiddy pool or for garden work, dinners are sometimes pushed back and snacks are devoured outside in the heat. more popsickles are consumed and more watermelon is dripped all over shirts, which makes perfect sense, as these are ways we can take full advantage of our short summers here in canada.

[ lion holding his wee cousin. sweet. ]

sleep is another biggie that we have had become more flexible about. it’s hard though, because kids need a certain amount of Z’s to function at their best. but, as we clock in more time outside it means the dudes are clocking in less time in bed, because of this, i am trying to enforce longer naps for lion and stiller, quiet time for bear, daily. we had similar sleep conundrums last summer, too. some of my friends tell me it is all about the mattress. if the kiddy mattress isn’t comfy, such episodes tend to happen. i guess we should get them appropriate bedding. mattress hunting can get confusing at times because there are infinite choices! maybe i should do some research by reading articles and reviews, like this great Peacelily Mattress Review.

anyway, last night we celebrated a special birthday. we left the party just before 9pm, got home by 9:30pm and that’s when lion woke up and then both kids had difficulty falling back asleep. it was 10:30pm, before they were both soundly sleeping in their beds, which for us is unheard of!

[ happy birthday grandpa! ]

i crawled into bed fearing the following day.

but, we survived today without too many bruises; no more than usual! we played croquet with great friends and had an awesome grilled cheese lunch outside!

i have lived another day of mothering and look forward to tomorrow’s adventures!

how was your day today?

"bloom" the book and what i really think.

May 22, 2012 by mama lola

a MAMA friend of mine lent me blogger kelle hampton’s memoir “bloom”. i’ve been following her blog, enjoying the small things, enjoying the small things, which hit the big time after the birth story of nella hit the inter-web-world. nella was born with down syndrome, which was a surprise to kelle and her husband. her blog tells the tales of their daily life as a family. i am drawn to her blog, not for the writing, but the photographs she takes.

so, the book confuses me. first it’s a memoir, but kelle is young as are her kids, so whatever wisdom she has to share i find to be laden with uncomfortable cliches. plus, her view and experience as a mama of a child with down syndrome is so very new and clean. nella is barely two and has not had to deal with cruel peers and the giant bureaucracy of the school system, which i imagine is a difficult mountain to climb and then there’s the filler bits. there are obvious sections of the book where she was encouraged to expand and so she goes into these long dull, uninteresting tangents that are there to fill pages, rather than have any meaningful purpose.

while writing this entry i googled her book and found this book review by a mama blogger who has a child living with down syndrome, as well. it’s worth a read as she is clearly not a kelle fan, but she is able to articulate why and i have to say it was enlightening. it is easy to get caught up in the kelle brand as she calls it.

kelle also seems to live in a narcissistic world. kelle’s life has a very perfect flavour, where parties are themed, adventures glitzy and everything is laden with a shiny, materialistic coating of plastic and american consumerism. she herself is always looking so perfect and lovely in her photos, with her lipstick red lips, freshly cut bangs and funky high heels. i am always left wondering when does she have the time to primp herself up with two kidlets at home and no hired help.

and finally, in this book she refers to a doctor and one of nella’s therapists as hotties, which felt inappropriate and let’s face it, if brett (her husband) had written a book and described a female nurse as being hot, there would have been consequences.

basically, it’s not that great.
it’s a quick, easy read, but there a hundreds of other books i would recommend instead.
what did you think? have you read it? do you follow kelle’s blog?

rained out…

May 17, 2012 by mama lola

unfortunately this morning our play date plans got washed away with the mornings down pour. so it goes in life, which reminds me flexibility is key in motherhood! so, instead of hitting the park the kids painted, played with their pop up tent, played cars, played lego and watched two episodes of “kipper”, all before 10:35am! that’s when i had to call dear hubby for some encouragement, it was going to be a loooooooooooooooong day!

after dinner tears.

after lunch and lion’s nap, the afternoon brought with it sunshine, and luckily we got to play in the backyard for a bit. the boys get so involved and engrossed in their play outside, more so than when inside. i think having the freedom to run around on an uneven terrain, listening to the sounds their environment creates, and feeling the warmth of the sun or the cool of the breeze on their sweet faces, adds a whole other layer to their imaginative play.

i love watching the kids play. i love listening to the dialogue coming from bear, as he narrates the going ons of the game to himself and/or to lion. i love listening to lion babble and sing as he follows his big brother around trying so hard to do all the things four year olds know how to do. and i love watching bear help his little brother when the littler one falls behind.
oh, brothers!

got more gardening done!
from tears to helping. what a guy!

i planted some herbs into you veggie garden, some white impatients for colour and some gladiolas, which hopefully will blossom in the grand flowers they are. fingers crossed things grow!

what do you have growing your garden or pots at you place?

flower power!

May 16, 2012 by mama lola

lion and i went to a nursery in the morning and bought more flowers to plant. lots of white impatients, some more lupines (my fave), rosemary, a butterfly bush and some sweet ground cover plants for which i forget the names. i would like some more ornamental grasses, but first things first…

weeds out! chives out!
(if anyone wants any chives our yard is overflowing with ’em!)

while we were out there a cement mixer pulled up and backed into the driveway across the street. another big truck miracle, and the boys were over the moon. they watched closely as the builders poured and smoothed the neighbours new porch! what unexpected fun!

the bad news from today is, i formed a terrible blister on the index finger of my right hand. it broke and reformed a few times through-out the five hours i was outside gardening. now if hurts like a mofo. excuse my language!

now, i get to relax and drink a well deserved beer.
hope those hard working ants are doing the same thing. FYI, when i packed up at 8pm there was no sign in of them! amazing!

full of love, but i’m pooped!

May 14, 2012 by mama lola

all of our mother’s day celebrations have come to a close, which is fine by me as i am pooped.
today we visited the botanical gardens with my parents and it was another fun filled day of running in the sum for us. today i even gifted myself a slight sunburn on my face!

the iris garden was my favourite. the names people have concocted the hybrid they have developed were kinda killing me, “hot spice”, “venus de milo”, “sailing away”, “boo” and so on… you get the idea. these silly names have nothing to do with irises, but what do i know!!!

i am feeling very fortunate this evening as i sit here. my kids are these incredible little dudes full of love; i have received a million extra kisses and squeezes today, just for being their äiti. it’s a really good feeling and fills me up with pure joy and pride. i am going to try to hold onto this feeling, no matter what tomorrow brings. no matter what the fight.

dear hubby bought be a beautiful locket. i’ve wanted one for a long time, but a clean, simple piece has been hard to find. but, now i have it and i love it! he also got me a huge pot of mixed plants and sweet little blue berry bush! man knows what i like!
thanks babe!
the boys also made me a funky picture lantern type deal. it’s super creative and of course i love it!

what did you do for mother’s day?