anxiety: mine or his?

March 7, 2012 by mama lola

i ordered some much needed parenting books from amazon and they arrived yesterday. i am looking for resources to help with my eldest son, bear. he’s always been on the more quiet, sensitive end of the spectrum. he gets overwhelmed by people and places quickly, especially if they are new. i think he actually feels anxious, a lot of the time. i don’t think he has an actual disorder, but i do recognize that he is very sensitive to changes around him. and he internalizes everything, taking things to heart and he struggles with the waves of emotion that hit him. This is a common issue, and whilst adults can Visit this website to find solutions, it can be harder for someone so young.

[ lego and patch time.]

whenever we are getting ready to go somewhere bear immediately slams on the brakes with the whole “i don’t want to go to ______”. we could be on our way to preschool, ballet, a friend’s house, the park, or a grandparen’ts house or the grocery store. the destination is irrelevant. this behaviour has been going on for a couple of years and i am now beginning to really put the pieces together; this is not just defiant behaviour, but i honestly think he is feeling anxious about leaving the safety and familiarity of our home. the outside world makes him feel nervous.

at the end of these visits or school times bear is usually happy, content and satisfied with participating. for example, when i pick him up from preschool or when he comes home from ballet, he is relaxed, and tells me he has had a wonderful time. this is where it gets tricky for us, as his parents, knowing when to force him to go and when to acknowledge his anxiety and let him stay home. currently, we make him attend unless he is sick. are we being too strict?

[playing hot and cold with mummo. we’re all laughing, because bear is looking right at the hidden item, but totally not seeing it. he loves this game! ]

when do i let it go and when do i push, without being a pushover? where is the line? It has been causing me a lot of anxiety too, which is pretty understandable as a mother who loves her kids and just wants to give them the space and freedom but also keep them safe. Friends have noticed my anxiety about this situation and have recommended me doing a few things to help calm myself when needed. Yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises have all been told to me and applauded by those who use them, I think I will give them a go, just to see how I fair. But one method has stood out to me and has been said by a few people in and outside my inner circle – CBD. Sites like purerelief.com/cbd-products/ carry these types of products and I’m not adverse to potentially trying them, anything that can help ease my anxiety so I don’t pass them onto him and make him feel emotionally worse is important. My only concern with CBD is that I don’t know much about it at all, and I don’t know if it has any side effects or whether it’s addictive. I’ll be sure to learn more from articles like https://cannaunion.com/blog/is-cbd-addictive/ before I give it a go, but from what I’ve heard, it’s an amazing product. I know cannabis-based products have been rather popular lately, especially when it comes to their medicinal benefits. I have read about different strains, like ghost bubba, that can help with anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. It’s nice to know that there are alternative remedies available to us when we need it.

bear’s blood.

March 3, 2012 by mama lola

on friday morning, my mr. 4 year old bear had a vial of blood taken from his left arm. he sat on my lap, while one nurse held his arm down and the other gently jabbed a needle with a tube into his arm, that then attached to the vial. he was getting blood work done to find out what is causing his eczema.

little man didn’t even blink. he stared closely to what they were doing; didn’t say a word, didn’t cry or whine; sat still, while i tried not to explode with pride.

once the blood was taken and a bandage put on, he whimpered a bit as we walked back to the car. because bear was so well behaved, we headed to the massive toy store across the road and took our time looking for the perfect “treat”. he decided on some fancy play-doh equipment. the $20 was totally worth it.

[ “this is the one i want daddy!” ]

we also explored the lego section closely, but only admiring the boxes with pictures of shuttles, houses and helicopters. when we said it was time to go, bear excitedly gave the cashier his fancy playdoh box and off we headed to lunch.

it was so pleasant and fun, and his behaviour reminded me that he really is a quiet, calm kid. it is very unusual for him to meltdown in public, to scream and fuss and carry on. it is the shyness in him that keeps him still during blood work.

[ does this look like a face of someone who just had blood taken? ]

lion, our sweet little man should also get some recognition. although, during the blood work he only watched from the safety of his dad’s arms, he too was a delight to be with. at the toy store he chatted from the cart, pointing to various colourful toys and laughing with unbridled joy.

my boys have again, reminded me that they know how to behave in various situations. bear sets a wonderful example for his little brother, and lion follows closely. i feel so proud of my children and who they have become, and who they are growing to be. dear hubby says the kids are who they are because i am home with the all day every day, always teaching and guiding. it’s nice to hear his support, but who really knows why we are the way we are!

the boys played with the play-doh for about an hour before getting tired. then they played with it when the baby-sitter came!

happy saturday everyone!
see ya tomorrow!

natural medicine & eczema.

February 29, 2012 by mama lola

so my eldest kid has some bad eczema. and when i say bad, i mean BAD. now, I know a lot of people who also suffer from eczema, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard them say that it’s as bad as this. this makes me sad, as if someone else has it this bad, they could give us some advice to help manage it. but they can’t. even if it was this bad, some of them have said that they’d turn to things like cannabigerol to help control it. apparently, CBG is one of the cannabinoids tested as a potential treatment for these types of skin issues, which is great as it gives people hope. of course, it’s not available for everyone because cannabis products aren’t legal in every state yet. that being said, someone I know has been using a product like this cbd oil for eczema and has had some great results. but I don’t think it’s suitable for a child, so we have to find other ways to ease his suffering. he has one particular spot in the crease of his left elbow that is really itchy and patchy, and it’s been there for months. he also gets various flare ups all over his body; behind his knees, hips, back, now chest, face, and once he was even covered from head to toe! sometimes if the eczema gets really bad, the patches seeps and oozes liquid, it’s pretty freaky! that’s when bear wants to put a bandage on.

we’ve been seeing a naturopath, as our family doctor’s help basically ended after his allergy testing came back completely clear of anything. not even a hint of a sensitivity to anything. we’ve had use cortisone cream pretty intensely, as that really has been the only thing that will help.

the naturopath has him taking a probiotic and a spoon full of cod liver oil daily. I didn’t realise how important probiotics were for him until I spoke to his doctor. A lot of my friends take supplements with probiotics in (such as morning complete and similar products), but I didn’t know that children could benefit from it too. he also gets a castor oil belly massage nightly. this week we are off to get some blood work done, to identify what is causing this terrible reaction. it’s obviously food related and it didn’t show up on the previous allergy tests as bear does not have an anafelactic allergy to the trigger. it seems he has a low riding sensitivity to something and his immune system is desperately trying to rid his body of the “toxin”, and currently it’s happening via the skin.

fingers crossed we get some solid results. we are paying for these tests out of our pocket. but, i can’t put a price on the help he’s getting. and living life eczema free, cortisone free and allergy free is our goal. there are support groups out there for parents who’s kids have eczema and for people who have it; that’s how bad it can get!

we have some special out-of-town friends coming to play today! fun!

duck in rain.

February 26, 2012 by mama lola

there are days when i feel raw.
raw and vulnerable to the world. to its people, judgements, and words.

today, someone close to me said things that were hurtful. this person made judgements about me and how i mother. i was deeply pained by the comments and now in hindsight wish so desperately i could have returned with some hefty comebacks. instead, i stuttered something pathetic and felt doubt creep into my mind about how i mother.

i must be stronger and stand like a duck in rain, allowing the negative comments roll off of my back and shatter on to the floor into millions of insignificant pieces.

[ sad eyed lion ]

i will end on a lighter note…

to help clear my mood i stumbled upon this, while checking facebook. artist simon beck walked and created these awe inspiring geometric shapes into snow. follow the link to find more pictures.

happy saturday night, folks!

to trust or not to trust.

February 21, 2012 by mama lola

it’s been a tough week for me as a mama.

bear has been exhibiting behaviours that are uncalled for, which combined with his social anxieties, make him tough company to keep. last week during a play date at our house he and his buddy dumped (and when i say dumped, i mean emptied) three big bottles of kiddie paint all over the art room table, which then dripped in chunks onto the carpeted floor. the whole situation was shocking and took forever for my friend to steam clean the rug. (luckily she lives close by and was able to hop in the car and get her machine in the first place! thanks mamaS!) I was thinking about buying Bazaar Velvet: Handcrafted Designer and Custom Rugs from London, UK but I’m scared they’ll get ruined last our last rug did!

[post painting lunch]

[baby A, about 10 days old. i was trying to take his picture with one hand i was holding him with my other.
he is precious.]

that incident made me realize, that although it was out of character for bear, that maybe that’s the whole point of behaviour like that. kids are given too much trust or freedom and then they push the limits with obscene behaviour like paint dumping or hitting friends or slamming doors or whatever. bear is working on earning his trust back and is allowed limited time alone upstairs unsupervised whether alone or on a play date, at home or someone else’s house. i think it’s the only way to really make him understand what trust and freedom actually are. i mean, after all i’m now going to be looking into this Rug Cleaning Melbourne Eastern Suburbs company to have my carpet and rug cleaned properly. here’s to hoping bear has learned his lesson.

[play date fun with friends]

but, it’s tough for me as his mama. i never thought that would be my kid, right? and everyone i talk to about these behaviours echoes their surprise “oh, that really doesn’t sound like bear”. it’s hard to know who he is sometimes. he is this growing, evolving person who is learning how to navigate the world and tests the boundaries in all sorts of ways. i guess this age also includes being intentionally mean, whether physically or verbally.
i feel sick just writing about this.

[beautiful missE]

my gut says some of this is related to his anxiety. he always, ALWAYS has various sized meltdowns in new situations and unfamiliar places, but also just places that are not our home. this weekend we went on the fairy hike, where he cried upon arrival, and here’s how our conversation sounded the following night at dinner…
bear: i cried yesterday at the new place.
me: yup. you did. it’s ok to cry, do you know why you cried?
bear: because we were at someone’s else’s house and i wanted to be home.
(the hike started at the nature centre, which is looks like an old house)

i’m hugging him more. picking him up and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

i’m going to stop here…
i’m tired.
i obviously need some ideas on how to deal with all of this, i would love to hear your opinions. and any book recommendations would be appreciated as well.

bow tie tutorial: how to make your own!

February 16, 2012 by mama lola

the first bow tie i made for bear was a few years ago for my sister-law’s wedding.
since then i’ve made a few more for various special occasions.

materials:
fabric
thread
scissors
pins
elastic

basic instructions:
choose your fabric. synthetics and silks tend to fray and be much more slippery when sewing, so more patience may be necessary as well!

1. fold fabric in half and cut out two rectangles simultaneously. then, ensure the “right side” of the fabric is facing each other and pin the two pieces of fabric together.

2. sew the pieces together, following along with the rectangle shape, remembering to leave an opening so that the fabric can be turned right side out. it’s also a good idea to enforce the stitching on either sides of the opening. i typically leave 3 cm’s. i just wing it with my machine only eyeballing the straight lines.

3. turn the fabric side side out and then sew up the opening by hand.

4. now repeat the first three steps with rectangles of fabric that are a touch smaller than the first rectangle. when the bow tie is cinched and put together it gives it more depth.

5. cut another two rectangles out, this time wanting it to be long and skinny. this piece is going to cinch the bow tie in the middle and essentially hold it all together.

6. now there’s two ways to sew the middle section.
a) the proper way: place the two rectangle pieces (or take one larger piece and fold it in half) facing each other with the wrong side showing. sew three sides leaving one of the ends open. then turn it right side out. you may want to you use something like a pen or a kitchen utensil of sorts to help move the fabric as the piece is going to small and finicky.
b) the lazy way: place the rectangle pieces together with the right side showing and sew the one side creating a tube.

7. take the two larger bow rectangles, placing the smaller of the two on top of the other an dthen take the long, middle piece and wrap it around the centre. depending on if you went the proper or lazy way of sewing, make sure you tuck and raw edges and hide any imperfections.

8. sew up the ends of the middle sections by hand, ensuring the bow tie stays in shape. some people like to attach the middle piece to the bow section.

9. now add your elastic. loop it under the middle, cinching fabric and the sew the ends by hand. kids typically like them slightly loose and if you’re making one for a special occasion then you can tuck it nicely under the collar of a shirt.

let me know if these instructions make sense!

good luck!

valentine’s day birthday.

February 14, 2012 by mama lola

today is bear’s fourth birthday.

i have travelled down memory lane several times today and have had tears rolling down my cheeks as i remember the day my sweet boy was born. that was the day that i was thrust into motherhood; the day i became ÄITI. after a long labour, my midwives finally said “reach down and grab your baby”, and i did. there he was all 8 pounds of baby already in my arms and lying so comfortably on my chest. i couldn’t take my eyes off of him. i was quickly falling in love with this precious little person.

>> fast forward four years >>
it’s kind of nice to have a birthday on a regular ol’ weekday day. this tuesday was and is like so many. in the morning bear was off to preschool, while lion and i did some grocery shopping and ran some other errands. but, then for lunch we did something EXTRA special as a family. we went out for lunch at a local sushi restaurant, which was so much fun. the kids love sushi and to be in a restaurant during the day with all of us was so special.

i made bear a special shirt with a big 4 on it. he was quite pleased to wear out, with his bow tie of course!

a friend sent me this, 100 ways to be kind to your child. sometimes, even during the best of times a gentle reminder of kindness is welcome.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

i feel the love.

February 13, 2012 by mama lola

today we celebrated our sweet bear turning four. we had a small handful of friends and family over. we munched on dear hubby’s delicious homemade pizza, soup and of course birthday cake!

last night bear started to express some anxiety about turning four and the changes that would take place. he sat in my lap, holding back a cry as he told me he didn’t want to have a party or turn four. bear was worried about his clothes not fitting him anymore, and going to a new school in the fall. oh my! such real worries, and tough for someone so little to process alone. luckily, bear was able to overcome his worries, at least for today, and enjoy his party.

so, today we celebrated. it was such a wonderful party; the kids had fun as did the adults. lion fell asleep in his mummo’s arms just after everyone arrived.

this wee fella was a big hit with everyone. he was so quiet and sweet. i was lucky enough to hold him for a few minutes and his tiny body was such a delight in my arms. he really made my uterus ache!

our youngest guest at 9 days of age. what a delight!

the cake was designed baked by bear, with some assistance from dear hubby and the two of them decorated it together. bear decided after his third birthday that for his fourth birthday he wanted a triangle cake. all year he has been reminding us of this request and today it came to fruition. such a funny request!

what a (chapped) smile!
today i felt the love for my boy from so many people. it is a wonderful thing to witness your child interact with his peers in a respectable, kind, and loving way. bear has some friends now. real friends. friends whom he asks about, actually remembers, and looks forward to spending time with.

do you see the bow ties the kids are wearing? i made them for the kiddos instead of handing out loot bags. they all loved ’em! i posted a tutorial, because they are super easy to make!

G’NIGHT!

granola mama, crunch, crunch.

February 10, 2012 by mama lola

this has been circulating on facebook, did you see it?

i think it’s hilarious, because this crunchy mama is such an extreme stereotype of what it means to be a crunchy mama. she mentions many of the key ideas that crunchy parents tend to do differently than mainstream parents, like opting to co-sleep, baby-wear, homebirth, cloth diaper, and opting for more natural health solutions like eating garlic or taking spirulina! i don’t like her judgemental tone about how other mamas mother, as she’s assuming her choices are best. which may be true for her family, but perhaps not for others.

[we are avid baby-wearers, both of us. above, lion at a few weeks old and still quite yellow from the jaundice. below, bear is conked out on dear hubby’s back at about 14 months of age.]

i tend to mother on the crunchier side of the spectrum. sometimes i feel like i shove attachment parenting beliefs down people’s throats, other times i feel as though i am not vocal enough about things like the positives of co-sleeping with a baby (especially a breastfed newby). i’ve actually become quite low key about breastfeeding, which when bear was a baby was a hot topic for me. some of you may remember my 30 seconds of fame a few years back when the local CTV station came to our house and interviewed me about facebook attacking women who post pictures of themselves breastfeeding.
(i tried to search CTV’s site for the clip, but alas, their search only goes until 2010. perhaps if i switched my facebook page to the new timeline format i could find it. sigh.)

this is the picture facebook found offensive and removed. i think, now, it is available again for viewing in my profile pictures. to me, this picture reminds of a time when bear was about 10 months, learning to walk and feeling pretty sensitive with his new found independence. you can see the tears as a result of probably colliding with a table corner or something! this is a mama nurturing her baby, nothing else.

although i am still a HUGE advocate of breastfeeding, i think my focus and passions in my mothering career are evolving with the needs of my kids and family. as we prepare for the world of academia and school, i am becoming aware that my role as a SAHM/ homemaker is only in its early years. even when my kids are both in all day school i will still be the mom who is available to volunteer in the classroom, field trips and is always nearby. perhaps i will take on part-time work, but for us and our family, having a parent home is the only way we can do this parenting thing. maybe one day dear hubby will be the one who is home in the afternoons and doing school pick ups and making dinner, who knows. but one thing i do know is, one of us will be here. always.

it is very frustrating when i hear people comment “oh, i wish i could afford to stay at home like you”. it makes it sound as though we are millionaires and truth be told we are far from that. it just means that what we deem important, and what is worth sacrificing, is different from the mainstream parents i think. we live in a small house, 2 bedrooms and one-and-half stories, no big tv’s here, one car, and lots of second-hand furniture and clothes. i could go on, but i’m sure my point is made.
all families and parents make sacrifices; we chose to sacrifice on material items so that i can stay home. like everything in life, these are the choices we made.

oh, the joys of baby-led-weaning! here’s bear and his beautiful spaghetti face! I’m really glad we chose to do led-weaning with him. My friend told me to check out best for mums to learn about it and after doing lots of research, I decided it was definitely something that I wanted to do!

better than 3.

January 26, 2012 by mama lola

those of you who have been reading this blog regularly, know that i have had a difficult year with my three year old, bear. it feels as though we have been fighting about everything, living in tension and struggling through the simplest of daily tasks.

just before christmas a shift occurred and things changed at our house. a wave of joy and calm rode in, which i initially thought was santa related, but the joy has stayed (with the exception of the christmas rage). the delightful 2 year old bear i knew and loved a while back has returned and is here to stay. today he is an articulate, funny, artistic and curious almost 4 year old, however. we have bid farewell to the three year old boy who brought with him such fight.

looking back, while we were in the throws of three, i never thought it would end. the endless friction was exhausting and ate away at my self. i felt like a failure, constantly overwhelmed by tremendous feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

although i suspect i will never be a truly confident mother, i hope i will take strength away from this last year. i have no idea what the future ages and stages of development will bring, but i think we will survive.

our lion will one day be three, but i don’t think it’ll be quite as difficult with him. i don’t want to sound cocky, but i have few more notches in the ol’ mothering belt and experience has taught me greatly. plus, the logistics of our family will be quite different.

when lion is three, bear will be a fulltime student in school and lion himself will be in preschool, meaning i will have time FOR MYSELF! dare i even say this?!? i will have time to properly re-charge my batteries, so that when those power struggles present themselves i will be calmer, better rested and also hopefully more rational as a result.