tomboy.

January 20, 2012 by mama lola

last night dear hubby and i had a midweek date night instead of having the usual friday night date. my MIL law stayed with the boys, while dear hubby and i went out for delicious indian food and an impromptu movie. we saw this:

“tomboy” is a french movie, set in an unknown town in france and revolves around a family and the summer adventures the kids get into. it is a movie that explores the assumptions we as adults, as parents, make about our children’s gender based on their sex; about the importance we place on being female/male, girl/boy and how those ideas trickle down to the younger generation. but, as heavy and complex as the subject matter of gender identity is, this movie was light and subtle in its presentation and exploration of the issue. it was honest and beautiful, but not in a typical tear jerky way, but rather a raw depiction of how it might feel or look like for a kid to question themselves and their gender.

i loved it. i was surprised at the direction it took and would recommend everyone to go out and see it. for local peeps, it’s playing downtown at the bookshelf. get some popcorn and coffee, sit back and enjoy.

and speaking of gender…

as a mama to two male children i try very hard not to impose too many male stereotypes on them. what does it matter if they wear rubber boots with flowers, what does it matter if they wear pink undies or tights, what does it matter if we paint our nails together or put barrettes in each others hair, why does anyone care if my kids have bed sheets with pink hearts on them or bows on their clothes?

bear, june 2010.

bear, march 2010.

are these external choices of mine going to define their identity, absolutely not. am i making my kids gay? absolutely not. but i know what people think when they see us stomping down the street. for now, bear and lion are oblivious, but one day they will feel people’s judgmental eyes on them. once, a kid randomly asked bear if he was girl or a boy, because of his flowery boots. i was shocked, but bear was cool and said he was a boy. it is astonishing that the colour of one’s boots is what we use to classify people.

lion in pink, july 2011.

i could rant on about this topic, as it really gets my blood boiling. i will stop. but, just listen to yourself and see how many times a day you say gender loaded things like “good boy/ girl”, “beautiful, lovely, sweet girl”, “handsome, tough, smart boy”. we are so programmed to describe our kids with very specific words. i know i am always catching myself too.

axl rose, of Gn’R.

happy thusday to everyone, no matter how you identify, cuz i don’t give a rat’s ass!

hear lion roaring.

January 10, 2012 by mama lola

lion has arrived. ROAR!
2012 is going to be his year to shine, roar and get noticed. being second born is tough work, with big shoes to fill and high expectations to meet, but i can already see that glint of attention seeking talent in his eyes. i can’t wait to watch him!
he’s bursting with growth right now. he is finally out of 9 month clothes and pretty much in 12-18 month stuff exclusively, which is a big deal as he is 18 months old. he’s always been teeny, but this past week he’s put the rest of us in our places by eating more than anyone and sleeping two naps a day: GROWTH SPURT anyone?!

lion has always been determined to be like his big brother, but since the holidays he’s actually been requested to participate in games and even given responsibilities. it breaks my heart that my littlest guy is growing up so quickly. to be honest, i actually think i’m in a bit of denial about it. for some reason in my mind he is a baby, who is only one or so and not capable of much, but in reality he will be a toddling two year old this july, who is so capable of doing so much. his comprehension shocks me daily, as he responds to my words or recognizes and initiates daily habits we motion through during the day. things like getting his boots from the shoe rack or getting his toque and putting it on. or pointing enthusiastically to his toothbrush when we’re all huddled in the bathroom. or helping set the table for dinner and then running to his chair when dinner is about to be served.

we went to the park the other day. lion swung, had a snack and then fell asleep in my arms. when it was time to go home he wasn’t ready to wake-up so i lay him on our stuff in the wagon. he slept the entire way home, even though the wagon was bumping around on the sidewalk! so sweet! later that afternoon he had a second nap in his cozy bed.

when bear was this age, i was already pregnant with lion. that realiz
ation blows me away, as back then i saw bear as a big kid not a baby like i see lion. i suppose i am not the only one who has done this. it’s hard not to compare your kids, especially when they are close in age and the same sex.

how do you feel about your kids growing up?

another year has come and gone… welcome 33.

December 28, 2011 by mama lola

i love my birthday.
i especially love spending it with my boys.

i used to share my birthday with my mummo before she passed away. here’s a picture of our first shared cake and the 66 candles that sat on top; one for me, 65 for her! denzel washington also celebrates his birthday with me. lucky me! or him!

my first birthday as a mama with my sweet bear.

as i enter 33 and 2012 i am hoping life will roll a little more easily and smoothly for myself and my family this year. i feel like we deserve a break from all of the turmoil that has been thrown in our faces in the past two years. i want to discover fantastic adventures with the kids, explore life through their eyes and travel this great land we call home. i would like to return to school and finish what i have started, sooner rather than later.

lion trying on my first pair of specs. he LOVED them!

perhaps with 33 i will discover the fountain of patience. although mothering has been easier this past month or so, i know i will be tested tremendously in the coming year. i want to be so much more than just a “good mother”, but fulfilling those expectations of myself are pretty much impossible. and not just patience with my kids, but more so with myself.
i want to grow more as a person and find who i am again. i am so often only seen as a mother, but i am so much more. but i only have my self to blame for that, i have allowed the other parts of me to disappear under the exhaustion, the busyness and the oh-so predictable routine that has become my life. and not that those things are unpleasant, but they make it difficult to feel free, creative or curious.

********
we are heading up north to bring in the new year with some of our bestest friends! lots of good talkin’, good food and good booze! it looks like there will be snow, so the kids will be delighted to be able to go tobogganing and build snow people and the always popular lumilyhty!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!
see you on the other side.
xo

joulu!

December 26, 2011 by mama lola

wishing everyone a happy holidays!
we are in the midst of our christmas celebrations. last night with my folks, tonight at home, tomorrow with dear hubby’s family. so far santa has been very impressed with the kids and they have received lots of wonderful new toys and books and things!

here are a few pictures from our jouluaatto with my parents. it is tradition in finland to celebrate x-mas on the 24th, so we always enjoy a beautiful meal prepared by my mom. after dinner santa comes and while i was growing up he actually came into our living room and i would sing or dance for him. he then passed out our gifts. for our boys, we always seem to just miss joulupukki, he knocks on the door or window, but by the time we get there he’s gone. luckily however, he has left gifts under the tree for us!

tonight we are all heading to bed early, so that we can celebrate lots tomorrow!
g’night!

my little dancer.

December 16, 2011 by mama lola

this afternoon there was open house at bear’s ballet school. it was the first time we had ever seen him dance and it was one of the best moments of my life. seriously. he was the smiliest, happiest little ballet dancer i have ever seen.

when the little ballerinas entered the studio and my eyes met with bear’s my heart filled with incredible pride and love and my eyes filled with tears. he was probably the youngest and the smallest and obviously the only boy in his class. the little girls in their pink attire were lovely and darling to watch as they skipped around the studio.

there were two helpers and a teacher. bear was careful to listen to instructions and tried so hard to gallop across the floor, but his steps were a little off. lucky for him he is three and doesn’t quite recognize how (im)precise his steps are yet.

tin soldiers from the nutcracker with a helper dancer.

what i didn’t know and learned today, is that my little shy bear loves to perform and loves the audience. he looked confident and proud and just so joyful, that all i could do was smile.

*******
found this on my way to bed the other night…

not sure why, but holy cuteness batman!

holiday magic.

December 10, 2011 by mama lola

i am a real fan of christmas. i have such lovely memories from my own childhood of holidays spent with my family back in finland. my mom would cook an amazing dinner for us to enjoy on christmas eve. we never had turkey, like they serve here, but instead we had a multiple course meal which included glazed ham, fresh fish, possibly some smoked reindeer meat, various vegetables cooked in a variety of ways and of course ample desserts and treats to be nibbled on. as an adult today, i recognize the efforts she made each year trying to create some holiday magic at our house. and not just with food either; my mom was into making our own decorations and collecting natural treasures, and still is. (*note: i was speaking with a friend who fondly remembers last year’s holiday magic at my parents’ house, so it’s not just me).

joulutonttu, or the christmas elf left some chocolates for the kids in the advent calendar. it was messy and joyful. bear waited years before we gave him chocolate, lion is so lucky to be the second born!

i want my kids to feel the magic of the holidays too. it’s hard though, because my kids are still particularly little and their enthusiasm is very limited. but, still i plough on forward.

today bear and i made these cookies.

i’ve always been terrified of the ready-made doughs you can buy at the grocery store, but when i saw this recipe and saw how cute the cookies were i made an executive decision to ignore my fears and bake on. the simplicity and ease was shocking, but the chemicals still kinda freak me out. that being said, i think we created some holiday magic with this easy baking recipe, no clean up, all around hassle free.

this is the original recipe via pillsbury.
all you need is the cookie dough, they recommend the gingerbread one, but my local store didn’t have any so we used the albino sugar cookie stuff instead. various candies depending on the look you’re going for. we used various M&M colours for eyes and noses etc. the original recipe calls for chocolate chips for eyes, but we like colour in our cookies! also, make sure you get small pretzels. bear was so pleased in the end!

tomorrow i’m taking the kids to see the muppets! can’t wait!
i feel nostalgic already!

trying to play catch up!

December 1, 2011 by mama lola

fa-la-la-la-laa, la-la-la-laa…

it’s december third and i already feel as though i am playing catch up with the holidays. the boys’ advent calendar is late (gosh darn) and i am behind on my other christmas sewing as well. but, the calendar is getting close to being done. my goal is to have the kids receive their first toys on tuesday morning, but that’s assuming i don’t feel super exhausted each evening when i am supposed to be sewing!

a sneak peek of the advent calendar.

the fury which has been this terrible sickness in our home, furies on. tonight marks the one week mark of when all of this started. both kids have been in bed and asleep by 6pm most of the week. we went to the doctor on friday morning and discovered lion had an ear infection in his right ear. i am scared, as i was a chronic ear ache sufferer as a child, and know the kind of future which may lay ahead of him. bear, well, he was sent to get a chest x-ray as our family doc didn’t really like the sound of his lower right lung. we did not receive a call back, so he does not have pneumonia! finally, some good news.

but, we have been able to start spreading some christmas cheer around in small sprinkles here and there. we purchased this for bear online on wednesday and it arrived friday morning. it’s a door way swing set, with rings and a trapeze bar. bear is always looking for new ways to challenge himself physically and he is starting to do some dangerous stunts on the banisters, so we thought this was a safe way he can focus that energy and see results. (to get into his top bunk, he climbs the least direct way up like a little monkey! it’s amazing to watch and he has never fallen, not even close). anyhow, the rings and things are from the same company that made the sweet hammock lion used all those months ago.

we also purchased our christmas tree. i felt like we all needed some air in our congested lungs so we went for a quick visit to a local nursery and perused their tree selection. it was fun for a few minutes, but then the cranky, grumpy little boys showed their faces and it was time to head home. today we decorated our tree and that didn’t go over as well as i had wanted. bear started off happy and delighted with the task at hand, but then he faded quickly bringing out unpleasant behaviour. so it goes i suppose.

mothering sick children is tough, but it’s even harder when you yourself are sick. now, dear hubby is losing his health and giving into the sickness that has ravaged our home. let’s hope it doesn’t debilitate him like it did the rest of us, so that he and i can get our christmas groove on and get going on our gifts, baking and so on and so on.

lion is never too sick to care for vaava.

‘tis the season to be jolly…

a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

November 27, 2011 by mama lola

i think my last entry about sharing really ruffled some feathers; my intention was not to offend or upset anyone, but at the time i was feeling really irritated after reading a terrible book to the kids about sharing. that being said, i do still question the way we teach and encourage sharing to our kids, but i question everything involved in mainstream parenting!
******
moving on…
so, sometimes i just want to give life the finger, ya know? i survived two rounds of strep each with different kinds of antibiotics and then sunday night the kids and i were smacked in the face with the flu. both kids have been lethargic and only today have picked up some more momentum. myself, i broke my fever last night alone in bed with my flannel lined hot water bottle (thanks sun). i’m still tired, but at least the ravaging fever is gone, but now the kids and i are hacking up our lungs with a painful dry cough. fingers crossed dear hubby doesn’t get sick as he is the last man standing… i asked dear hubby to come home stocked with new toothbrushes for all of us, he bought like a million; good man!

tomorrow brings day 6 of spending every waking minute together with the kids and it’s starting to show. but, i don’t think bear is well enough to go to preschool in the AM or ballet in the PM, so fingers crossed we survive.
friday is supposed to be date night, but i think we’re going to cancel. we’re all exhausted and the house is toxic with sickness. i just threw in a load of laundry, but almost burst into tears as i scanned the mountain growing in the basement.

painting mummo’s birthday card.

tomorrow is december 1st and the advent calendar i dreamed to have ready for the kids is not done. all this sickness has zapped me of my energies and i am overflowing with guilt. my new goal is to have it done soon, but as many kind people have reminded me, my kids don’t know it’s coming and have no idea it’s supposed to happen for a specific number of days. whew….

oh, one final vent… my laptop is STILL being repaired. it’s been just over a month now and according to future shop they can have it for up to 60 days. that takes me to x-mas. what a pain in the butt ya know? computers are great, until they aren’t.

MERRY HUMP DAY!

i have a beef with the "S" word.

November 25, 2011 by mama lola

that darn “S” word has been on mind: SHARING. because of the ages of my kids and the activities we involve ourselves in outside the home, we hear that word a lot. in my expert, mama opinion, we have taken the word “share” and twisted it into something meaningless. adults are constantly telling their kids “to share their toys” without ever actually talking about what it means to share.

wikipedia defines the act of sharing as “the joint use of a resource or space”.

sharing, therefore is not the same as taking turns, but that’s what adults in our society have made it into. the whole idea “oh, sweetie you have wait until ken is done playing with that dolly and then it’s your turn. good sharing barbie”. what on earth does that statement mean? i interpret that as “ken, you only have so much time until your turn is done and then it’s barbie’s turn”, which is technically not sharing, but forcing and intimidating ken to give up the toy he is playing with. what if ken wants to play with the dolly for an indefinite amount of time? what if ken is inside his imaginary world, but because of greedy barbie his game is forcibly interrupted and hence, devalued? that is not sharing. that is bullying. sounds harsh, but i truly believe that.

sharing, i think, is suggesting to barbie to go and find another dolly and play with ken and share in his experience. (obviously checking with ken that he’s ok with barbie joining the game). or staring her own game and leaving ken the hell alone. the joint use of space and resources- bam!

why is it assumed that when kids visit their friends, that all of those toys are to be shared. what if ken doesn’t want barbie playing with his surf board, why as adults do we force ken to share the toy? why are there no limitations or boundaries and why is it not ok for kids to say no to their friends? for myself and my things, there certainly are items that are mine and just mine. not everything in my home is for the other members of my family to touch or use, i ask for privacy and i think that’s ok.

our society has removed itself from the idea of sharing resources; for example back in the day several families might invest in tools or a car or something together and reap the benefits of reduced spending and shared maintenance. nowadays it is rare to borrow or lend out items to people in the neighbourhood who are not close friends or family.

adults yimmer on at kids about sharing, but there is little discussion about what that word actually means. it’s not just about toys, but about sharing time, space, ideas, feelings, being with each other.

i desperately try not to use that word at home. i can be heard saying out there in the world, because i feel as though i will judged if i do not insist bear gives up his bucket at the park to a friend. bear has brought that word home, and i have tried to explain to him in other ways how to share and what it means to share with his friends.

the pictures are of bella. a kitty who is shared between our household and my folks’. she was once more my responsibility and now she lives with my parents.

share the love people!

a strep hiatus.

November 24, 2011 by mama lola

i have been away from my blog as i have been ill. so i got strep a few weeks back, got the antibiotics and was quickly feeling better. then a few days after the antibiotics finished i was hit yet again by strep. the doctor explained that up to 20% of strep infections are a strain that is resilient to penicillin, the antibiotic most commonly used to treat strep. lucky for me that was the kind of strep that chose to invade my body. if you have ever had strep you know it just stinks. your throat hurts so much, even swallowing warm liquids feels like knives slicing your uvula to shreds! you also feel tremendously tired and achy and possibly feverish and just lousy. but i am now feeling much better thanks to my new antibiotics and, fingers crossed, i stay this way! i can’t spend another weekend in bed, especially since this weekend we are attending our dear friends’ annual american thanksgiving dinner party. i am so excited to go as we have missed the past few years due to illness.

at the local santa claus parade.

bear’s first tootsie roll candy: surprisingly he LOVED it!

lion waved and waved at the floats going by. no candy for him.

moving on…
my bear has a new sweet friend at preschool. bear comes home telling tales about what they played and what his new buddy is like. every day he only plays with this one friend and bear tells me they are friends, and love each other. the sincerity with which bear speaks of this specific friend in heartbreakingly touching. today we had mr.T and his mama over for a playdate for the first time and i have to confess i totally get the friendship now. these two boys share a very special bond; one which is full of equality, respect and genuineness. neither kid is the dominant mr. bossy pants, but they take turns taking charge of a game.
i am so happy for bear. his new friend is already so important to him and to have a friend so similar is just wonderful. they really are two peas in a pod.

our afternoon playdate triggered some evening drama. bedtime was tough for my overtired bear so i rocked him to sleep, holding him in my arms. his big body was cuddled in close as his long limbs hung over my legs. as we sat there in the dark, a huge lump grew in my throat as i fondly remembered the days when i used to breastfeed him to sleep every night. those nights seem so long ago and part of a completely different life.

off to do some laundry, which i am behind thanks to the stinkin’ strep.