mother’s day.

May 9, 2011 by mama lola

i have asked for silence in the past, but that’s a tricky gift to give with two kiddies. and with a nursing baby it’s not like i can be gone all day doing my own thing. so instead, dear hubby and the boys let me sleep in, which is pretty typical for any weekend morning. and when i say sleep in, i mean until 8am or so, but i didn’t have to tend to the kiddies at 6am and i’ll take that any day!

my boys got me a lens cap, which was one of those essential gifts; something i needed, but kept forgetting to get for myself. and yes, i lost my lens cap. i typically stash it in my pocket, but alas, a few weeks ago i must have left it out in the rain. i also received a lovely hydrangea bush. it’ll be a beautiful addition to our backyard. my favorite gift was some beautiful silk bedding that i’ve wanted for a while now. i’m always really uncomfy in bed so some new bedding was a great gift idea. my husband got me some silk pajamas for Christmas so I can’t wait to sleep in a silky heaven!

mmm…. ~~creeps~~ crepes with fruit and homemade strawberry/ blueberry jam for breakfast and of course the always important cup o’ java.

i gave my mom and my MIL embellished tea towels as gifts. first we traced the kids’ hands and then i got to work cutting and sewing and ironing and cutting and sewing and ironing… it was actually a really great project and something i will do again! i will do up a tutorial this week.

here we are, three mothers and bear without lion as he was snoozing away. all the excitement exhausted the wee lad.

my dad got my mom a mediterranean cruise. it was a surprise and something she has been talking about for a while. they won’t be going until my mom’s birthday in november, but there a lot of details to plan so best to start early!

there was lots of driving and loading and dumping of rocks. as usual. bear is always at work.

we had yummy sushi for dinner and lion LOVED it. he devoured the avocado rolls, but i think his favourite was the simple, but tasty (raw) salmon sashimi.

my first mother’s day with lion and as a mother of two beautiful, amazing boys. i am so proud to be their äiti and can’t imagine what my life would be like without them.

oh wait…. it would be quiet.

mother’s day eve.

May 7, 2011 by mama lola

reclining mother and child by paula modersohn-becke.

tomorrow is mother’s day or äitienpäivä.
we have tentatively invited both sets of grandparents over for a wee afternoon tea party. there will be tasty desserts, an array of teas to choose from and of course this mama’s most important drink: coffee. the weather looks warm and sunny, which will be a nice change from the soggy rain.

wishing all the mamas out there a wonderful mother’s day or hyvää äitienpäivää!!

gibberish.

May 5, 2011 by mama lola

my bear speaks in gibberish. it wouldn’t be such a big deal and worth writing about if the kid wasn’t so bloody annoying with it. he talks in gibberish to everyone and it is especially annoying when i am trying to get some information from him. for example, “do you want milk or water with dinner” and in response i hear “ablibaba digadogy”. i know, i know he’s three and this behaviour is normal and it too will pass and he’ll outgrow and forget all about it. i know he’s probably looking for a reaction from me and pushing my buttons or he’s regressing as his baby brother speaks in baby talk and we all respond as though we understand.

it’s frustrating because bear is very articulate. when he talks in english his vocabulary is extensive; i say this with obvious bias in mind but, others have also commented on his language skills. his finnish is not strong and that’s my fault (insert a million kilos of mother’s guilt here). but back to the gibberish… i’m not really sure what to do about it. it is infuriating when i am trying to talk to him or ask him something and i hear “are you bilagie sihd bibibibib-ta?”. argh: hear mama roar! and the weird thing is, he doesn’t use random sounds, it’s like he’s made his own language as he makes the same sounds over and over again, which eventually we have come to recognize.

we adore window markers. we have one of those all glass storm doors and have been trying to use the cool, rainy days creatively. drawing and colouring are two activities that bear loves, and on this creative afternoon lion did some serious bold strokes with a yellow marker! so fantastic!

and after the rain…

… the glorious sun was out all day warming and shining down on us. we took full advantage of this weather phenomenon and spent most of the day outside. we even left dirty lunch dishes in the sink to be dealt with later! this spring has been very wet and rainy, so it’s been hard to get outside. now, don’t get all “if you dress them right” on me, because yes, we have rain gear and do go out in the rain, but it’s hard because of my non-walking, shuffling around on his butt lion. the rain is difficult for him to manage. so, today we played hard in the sun making up for lost outdoor time!

pasta lunch!

bear is going though a fire fighter stage. he has been playing fire fighter at home, building trucks out of furniture and pillows. i am often told i am a fire fighter as well. bear’s imaginative play is exploding right now, so it was fun today to go and check out some local emergency vehicles on display at the rec centre. it was really hard to take pictures as lion was in the sling, but here is one with the local electrical vehicle and bear standing proudly with his fire chief helmet on. so cute! he was terrified of the actual fire truck and when he was asked if he wanted to check out the inside he panicked. oh well, next time!

if anyone has any earth shaking ideas on how to get over this darn gibberish phase, please share your wisdom with me. i am losing my mind and cool.

thanks.

mummy dearest i am not.

April 29, 2011 by mama lola

bear has been sick with a cold. we are now closing the book on day three of this terrible sickness. when bear gets a cold, it affects his eyes, BIG TIME! they drip and stream fluid that creates the illusion that he is crying. his nose drips and streams too, so, he’s a complete mess really. he generally hates it when his face is wet with food or tears or whatever and is surprisingly meticulous about wiping his mouth after a meal. it is a skill he has mastered and we are so proud. unfortunately, this wiping turns into a bit of an obsession with the dripping snot. he asks for ” my cloth” constantly, which he prefers to be damp (optimal when wiping hummus out of the corner of the mouth). but this damp cloth fetish wreaks havoc on his beautiful face making it red and irritated and blotchy. today i convinced him to use a dry cloth and well, it wasn’t really any better.

that’s the cloth held tightly in bear’s grasp.

poor sickly bear.

and then with the sickness comes the undesirable behaviour. most of the nonsense i can handle, although today was a struggle; i’m on a handful of hours of sleep thanks to the dripping. argh! so anyhow, to really dig at me, bear calls me “mommy”. this irritates me from here to the moon and back a billion times. at our house i am ÄITI and that’s what i prefer to be called and bear knows it. i don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it does and i know all you parents out there have your own sensitive spots the kids like to target. bear will whimper, scream, moan, and call “mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy…” and no matter what i say or do (or don’t say or don’t do) it just continues.

let’s hope bear forgets about the “M” word overnight!

mmm… banana!

i think lion is getting the cold. he has been sneezing today and i felt a twinge in my throat while doing the dishes. that’s when i dashed upstairs for my oil of oregano. fingers crosses i don’t get sick.

kisses.

sweet dreams and good health to you and yours.

mothering.

April 27, 2011 by mama lola

i have had several conversations with various mama friends about the nature of mothering and i feel it’s time to speak up!!!

mothering is not a competition. it’s not about who is better a mother and whose kids are better. instead, it is a tremendously difficult life long commitment. it is a journey that is intimate and deeply personal. it involves all of our senses; all of our heart, mind, body and soul; it uses our physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual selves. it is a job that is difficult and taxing with little relief and acknowledgement. it is women’s work.

my mom and i in china.

we look at our own kids and wonder if the choices we have made are right, beneficial or practical. we worry about how badly we have messed up our kids and if there is hope in all the madness sometimes. often we cry alone in our weakest moments and are scared to share our struggles with others. there is great fear in all mothers, new or experienced, to be seen as BAD. to be a bad mother is the worst label of them all. but, this is where i think things get tricky, because there is no clear list of what makes a bad mother (or a good mother for that matter). we are judged harshly by others even though we play on uneven playing fields using different equipment and different rules.

but, we are our worst critics.

when we look at ourselves as mothers, we do not or cannot forgive ourselves for things we have done, as the standard is set so unrealistically high. but, who are we comparing ourselves to? first we compare ourselves to all the other mamas in the world. all of them. not just the ones we know personally, but we also compare ourselves to any person who mothers, whether they be characters in books, movies, or anonymous cyberspace blogger mamas who so conveniently edit and censor their entries leaving out the sad, negative and often self deprecating descriptions of their lives. seems like we will always lose to these comparisons.

i have been a mother for three years now. three wonderful and exhausting years; years that have been very defining for me as i have discovered who i really am. i have come to realize, that yet again, i do not quite fit the mold of “mother” that our society has created. dear hubby and i are attachment parents. for this we,are easy target of snide comments, strident stares and cruel judgements because…

myself with bear three months.

i am a mother who wears and carries her children.
i am a mother who co-sleeps with her children.
i am a mother who breastfeeds on demand.
i am a mother who cloth diapers her babies most of the time.
i am a mother who lives without a tv.
i am a mother who cooks dinner from scratch most nights.

but, so what? these are my personal choices and do not make me any better or worse of a mother and they certainly do not deserve to be evaluated by people outside of my family.

second time holding lion age four days.

although i feel and believe these choices suit my family best, i feel tremendous judgement and pressure to justify these choices. i am a firm believer in respecting each family’s unique way of living. we have never owned a crib, so this becomes a topic of heated discussion and concern for people. they think dear hubby and i am being irresponsible for co-sleeping with our children. but i have to ask, again, whose business is it where my kids sleep?

mothering is a unique experience for all of us. maybe using cribs in one family works really well, but not in another. maybe cloth diapering only makes sense when done every other day for some families. maybe making baby food from scratch is important to one family, but not another. and when these families have made these decisions, i will bet there has been a lot of guilt for not cloth diapering 100%, or buying jarred baby food or whatever.

instead of holding our mothering styles and values to unrealistic standards, let’s instead stand proud for doing the best we can with what we know and what we’ve got.

determined with determination.

April 20, 2011 by mama lola

there is a robin flying into our kitchen window. he is doing it deliberately and constantly and the sound of his body hitting the glass is awful. he isn’t going full speed so the sound is more of a tap than a smash. the birdie’s technique is calculated; he sits on the fence about a metre away from the side of the house and then flies in, hits the pane and returns to the fence. he does this several times a minute. mr. robin redbreast has also left a crusty mess on the fence, but hopefully the rain will wash that off.

mr. redbreast sittin’ on the fence, next to decoys wing.

this being said, i will admit, i admire the little fella’s determination. he is so determined to defeat or mate with or whatever, the reflection he sees in the glass. even though he fails miserably after each attempt, he still just keeps on truckin’ with the task at hand: get other bird’s attention!

i am not like this at all. not to say i am not a hard worker, because i am, but i get easily distracted when at home and lose my focus and then my determination on a task. and not just because of the kids, but i am easily distracted by grand decorating ideas or sewing projects and especially by the allure of the shiny, unexplored of the internet. i love to search blogs and websites for sewing tutorials or craft projects. my “bookmarks” tab on my computer is out of hand; i have categories and then sub-categories! it’s that whole maybe one day i will get around to this and that. then to make matters worse i am always yammering on at dear hubby to finish the projects he has started, even though i am almost as bad with my own task completion abilities.

i have grand ideas and am determined to create something special for my kids or friends or family and then get stuck on the planning and preliminary stages of the project. i tend to procrastinate and then eventually run out of time to complete anything. this is where my personal esteem issues start to really play out. i am not going to get into that part of me as once i start to peel back the layers of the onion, the tears will start to pour and i’ll be a mess! the holidays are especially stressful for this very reason!

sewing project mess.

once again, hats off to mr. robin redbreast and his determined soul!

in other news…

ta-daa! bear with this glasses.

my sweet little bear is now the proud owner of a fancy pair of glasses. when he tried them on the first time with his own lenses i was stunned at the strength of the prescription. the lenses are coke bottle thickness, which actually changes the way he looks. heartbreaking… he is rather proud though and i hope he just keeps them on his head. i am trying to teach him that he is not allowed to take them off without permission, as a way to instil loss prevention. we’ll see how this pans out i suppose. i wonder how things will go tomorrow at pre-school.

lion is back to three naps a day. must be a growth spurt as he wants to nurse when not sleeping.

friday, friday.

April 15, 2011 by mama lola

TGIF people!

this weekend is going to be another busy one for us. tomorrow we are going to spend the afternoon working outside with some of dear hubby’s family. it is an early birthday celebration for the guy as his folks will be away visiting dear hubby’s sis down south on his birthday proper. hopefully the weather will decide to co-operate and give us less wind and more warmth as we want to get our brand new shed sealed and waterproofed. check it out!

look at this pretty shed. bear is especially pleased it has finally arrived!

this evening i feel exhausted and am going to share some pictures of my silly guys instead of writing a long entry. here is bear and his bins. that’s lulu rose, the bulldog, in the red one. we will be dog sitting a real bulldog next week; horatio is his name.

too cool for school.

lion’s sweater credit goes to grandma and bear’s hair to auntie K.

i also want to send out BIG, HUGE thanks to all of YOU, my followers and readers. this blogging adventure would be lonely without all the support from all you out there in the in the real world. i love reading the comments and welcome more, even if you don’t agree or like what i am writing about. i have had readers from all over the world, which is exciting!

kiitos.

my sweet wee lion.

attachment parenting.

April 12, 2011 by mama lola

i am having a great parenting week, for a change. typically i can be heard lamenting my woes and lows to fellow mamas, whether on the phone or on the playground. typically, i feel tired and worn down, especially by my challenging three year old bear. his growls and roars are difficult to manage and often i end up losing my cool. being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) is a lot of work and dealing with irrational children all day is exhausting, no matter how cute they are. there is no possibility calling in sick and sometimes it’s impossible to even get a break. i can just see all you stay-at-home parents, nodding as you sip yesterday’s cold coffee!

but, the winds have shifted at our house and it’s all because of me. my attitude has shifted. yes, bear continues to be three and pushes my buttons in hopes of a reaction, but i have stopped reacting. just like that, i stopped. now, i breathe, stay calm and get down to his level and talk to him. when he loses his cool i hold him tight, whisper softly and endure the hits in the face. of course i remind him not to hit and all of that, but i don’t snap. i continue to hold him. i am the adult in this relationship and it is my responsibility to role model appropriate behaviour.

lost my voice last week. lucky kids. lucky hubby!

and this is where the attachment parenting comes in for me. i am a true believer in holding, carrying and sleeping with my kids. i think in our society we have misconstrued something so simple as touch and twisted it into being about sex. touch and touching is an intimate way to express love to those you care about. for my sweet bear, i have come to understand that his recent spike in difficult behaviour has been about jealousy and the lack of meaningful touch from me. he watches as i breastfeed his baby brother, as i carry lion in the sling or in my arms through-out the day, as i cradle our smallest cub and rock him to sleep. bear feels sad, left-out, angry, envious, resentful, forgotten, neglected; or at least these are the emotions i think he is feeling as he can’t describe what’s going on. he does however go through phases of barking (i know, lucky me), extreme screaming fits, whining, hitting, and other typical age appropriate behaviour. now that i have clued into this, i make a point of touching him, holding him, talking to him at his level (not from up high as usual) and acknowledging his confusing feelings he has started to listen to me again. actually listening to me. he also shows great tenderness towards me again with hugs and kisses, which he cut off from me for a long time. mutual respect goes a long way, baby!

very soon (like in a week or so) we will be night weaning lion, so dear hubby and i will switch the beds and kids we sleep with. since lion’s birth in july, which was quite stressful and confusing for bear, as i was in the hospital for almost a week, dear hubby has co-slept with bear. this sleeping arrangement was our attempt to try and curb jealousy and i think initially it worked. plus, as many of you know bringing a new member into the family can be very upsetting to the older sibling(s). anyhow, i feel confident that our future musical beds dance will only be positive for my relationship with bear.

lion’s first ride in the wagon. both boys over the moon!

do you want to play with me?

April 7, 2011 by mama lola

bear is patiently waiting for lion to learn how to walk independently. he is also patiently waiting for lion to learn how to run, talk in a language he can understand, hold a marker without gnawing on it and help bear fix all the things that need fixin’ around the house.

it’s hard to be patient when the guy you’re waiting for was once the same size as a doll!
lion (1 month) with mac, hand crafted by a mama at sewfunky.

both boys smiling at the same time for the camera! unheard of!

matching pj’s for lion at 2 months and bear at 2.5 years. lion looks worried.

my heart aches with pride when i watch my bear take on the big brother responsibilities with such ease and joy. he redirects little lion by reminding him of sharp corners or edges and offers more age appropriate toys. i overhear him say things like “it’s ok lion, i’m here, äiti (mom) is here… it’s ok to cry though”. are you kidding me?! these gentle words are filled with such tenderness and love which lion is so lucky to hear from his big brother.

trying to get a nice picture of the boys was a disaster at christmas.

our fantastic stroller with the added toddler seat so i can push both animals together.
bear LOVES sharing the stroller with lion.

the trouble with two, is you have twice the work! way to pull two kids daddy-o!

bear is into tools and fixing things and is teaching little bro all about safety!

now that lion has figured out how to move from point A to point B, it has created moments of obvious sibling tension. lion goes after bear’s toys or puzzle pieces and as a way to protect his turf bear yells: “no lion, no. that’s mine… but you can have this” and will present lion with a different toy. kills me every time.

more matching pj’s- couldn’t help it as they were on sale $2.94 a pair… in the girls section!
bear 3yrs and lion almost 9 mths.

this evening as i was preparing dinner lion was on the kitchen floor rubbing his gums with a spoon and bear came over and said “do you want to play with me lion?” aaaahhhhhh!!!! i almost burst into tears of joy!

my boys are very lucky to have each other.

oh baby: two birth stories, kinda.

April 4, 2011 by mama lola

the birth of a baby is an emotional experience, no matter what the labour, no matter what the delivery. it can be 2 in the morning or it can be 2 in the afternoon, no matter what time of the day it is, it’ll be overwhelming. it doesn’t matter if the baby’s gender is a surprise or if a gender test australia has been used to determine the gender before birth. each birth is a unique and special experience.the births of my sons were so completely different from one another. during my pregnancy with bear i discovered that i was a homebirthing kinda mama and so dear hubby and i started down that path while still only weeks pregnant. in the end, neither bear’s nor lion’s birth was what we had planned for or wanted, but my choices were limited due to external circumstances.

bear was supposed to be born at home in a rented birthing tub, with dear husband and my two midwives by my side. but, unfortunately a week prior to my due date, our landlords at the time presented us with a letter from their lawyer stating they had changed their minds about allowing the tub in our third floor apartment. unfortunately, the tub was already sitting and waiting for bear’s birth. that day i cried like i’d never cried before. tears streamed down my cheeks and puddled on the floor. dear hubby, shocked by the sudden turn of events, tried to console me the best way he knew how. i felt devastated, betrayed and terrified. i had dreamed of a water birth and to change things so close to bub’s birth was difficult. my midwives were supportive and reminded us that i could still have a homebirth, even if we couldn’t use the rented tub. and so that was new plan, birth at home without the tub.

on february 12, 2008 at 6:30am my waters broke. it was almost a week past the estimated due date so i was excited to finally see some labour action. i ran (who am i kidding, i waddled!) to wake up dear hubby. he jumped up with excitement and was ready for action. unfortunately there were only very, very mild contractions, but we still decided it was best to call the midwives. they suggested we try to get more sleep and we made an appointment to see them later that morning. dear hubby and i could not imagine sleeping, but instead in our excitement chatted, made some phone calls and sent out a few emails.

well, long birth story short. after 50 hours of labouring, with intense contractions right on top of each other for two nights, and a couple of quick visits to the local hospital only to be sent back home to labour more, bear was eventually born via induction at the hospital. i pushed for about an hour and was the luckiest mama ever as all of a sudden the OB said “put your hands down and catch your baby”! so i did!!! my beautiful baby bear slid into my arms and into this world, with dear hubby grinning proudly and my midwives at my side.

i looked at one of my midwives in fear and said “but i don’t know anything about boys” to which jackie smiled and said “now you’ll learn”.

though i didn’t know anything about boys, i did know that he was perfect. he was the most beautiful baby i had ever laid eyes on in my life. call me biased, but it’s true. to be honest, after laboring for that long, i was worried that he may be born with some defects, but i was blessed that i had fantastic doctors and midwives on hand to make sure that didn’t happen. i had read about birth injuries and how to visit a site like this one here if this had happened to us and we wanted to look for compensation. people i know have done this before and succeeded, so we had options. luckily, he was perfect in every way, and i couldn’t want to go through life with him.

taking bear home was the best but scariest moment of my life. we were very prepared and had been on mommyhood101 reading reviews and choosing all the best products out there, but all of a sudden you get home and feel so unprepared. it’s a unique experience to say the least.

bear was perfect.

i think the initial stress of being denied the water birth by our landlords caused my body to react physically and stalled bear’s birth. also, because i laboured for so long after my waters broke and i had not taken the GBS test at 36 weeks of pregnancy, i ultimately had to be induced. when i went in for my first induction attempt i was verbally harassed by the attending OB, which was very stressful and upsetting, and i think ultimately stalled my labour even more. as we all know, stress is a very powerful reaction to countless triggers that we sense emotionally, physically, intellectually. it impacts every cell in our bodies, every thought and dream, all of our internal systems that keep us alive.

my experience with lion was completely different. first of all, he was our shocking little autumn surprise and we were thrilled to be expecting again in ’10! in my first trimester i started having terrible headaches that after some investigation were eventually linked to my pituitary gland tumour, which was discovered just days before christmas in 2009. we met with one of the neurosurgeons similar to dr timothy steel and decided it was best to wait until after the baby was born to talk surgery for removing the tumour. this meant, to my dismay, i was labeled “high risk”. high risk meant i could still have my wonderful midwives, but only for moral support. i was sent to a fancy hospital out of town where i was under the care of a high-risk OB and an endochronologist (hormone specialist). my pregnancy was normal considering i had this huge growth in my head, so it was planned that i would have a natural birth at the fancy hospital, where they had tubs and birthing chairs for use. but, then at the end of my second trimester, my headaches got worse and after a second MRI they determined the tumour was actually growing and it was decided that i had best have a scheduled c-section at 37 weeks. i was driving home alone after the appointment during which the c-section information was revealed and i had to pull over. i was crying so hard i couldn’t see. i called dear hubby at work and he was instantly scared. not only was i having a c-section, which is major abdominal surgery, but because of the tumour i would have to be put under a general anaesthetic (instead of the usual epidural). this meant that dear hubby was NOT allowed into the delivery room and meant because i would be unconscious our wee baby boy was going to be born completely alone.

when i came to after lion’s birth dear hubby was there with terrifying news. baby lion was not breathing properly at birth and was rushed out of the operating room to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).

well, another long birth story a bit shorter, after a week in the special care nursery lion was finally allowed to come home. bear was finally able to meet his little brother as was everyone else.

big bear and little lion meet. here, lion was about to be transferred from
the big fancy hospital to our local hospital.

i struggle with the births of my sons. to this day i carry tremendous guilt and so desperately wish i could have birthed my boys at home, in the peace and quiet of a dimly lit room, with soft music playing, and in water, with the love and support of my dear hubby and my midwives. people keep asking if we’ll have a third child, you know, to have that home birth finally. i’m not going to go for a third, just so i can TRY to have a home water birth. there are no guarantees as we have learned. also, getting pregnant and birthing again, means a whole new person would be joining our family. it’s not quite so cut and dry. all i will say is, we’ll see.