one of THEM evenings with kids and tofu!

March 27, 2012 by mama lola

[ * FYI: in this blog entry i threaded instructions via pictures,

a fast and efficient way to marinate tofu. ]

augh.
monday’s are a long day for me. i parent alone all day, from sunrise to sunset, until dear hubby gets home after eight o’clock.

today started off so great. with a dramatic drop in temperatures a park play date was moved to our house. it was -3c today and after the high teens and low +20c’s last week it felt shockingly cold! so i ran around cleaning and vacuuming before everyone showed up. the kids had a great time and us MAMA’s had a chance to chat and drink coffee. it was a wonderful way to start the day and the week.

after everyone left, lion went down for a nap, i chatted on the phone (for what we call half time) with a dear friend and bear watched a DVD. once lion came down from his nap, a couple of hours later, the kids played and snacked and we had a quiet afternoon…

until, just before i started to make dinner things turned. dramatically and quickly. bear became frustrated with a maze in his activity book and started to crumple some pages and cried and cried. i tried to calm him down, but i was also making dinner so it was tough. dinner was fast to make; a veg stir fry with tofu and rice.

[ cut tofu into shape desired. ]

[ toss into a ziplock bag with tamari sauce (soy sauce). we use the tamari as it’s gluten free and generally healthier with less sodium and it’s organic.]

then, at the dinner table both boys refused to eat. they both stuck their tongues out and complained the food was disgusting. this is where things went downhill fast, and i know it’s my fault. but, i was tired and hungry and fed up with the rudeness so i got mad, got the kids into their pj’s and had them lie in bed until 7pm. they complied, shockingly, and it was kinda what we all needed. i have a feeling they complied because they’ve had some new pj’s and cozy clothes to snuggle into, lion regularly wears his new onesie and he often goes around to fistbump us all, as that’s his favorite part of the movie (his onesie is one of the main characters and his favorite!). some silence and stillness. eventually we got on speaking terms again and bear complained about being hungry so i let the boys have a second chance at dinner. bear ate like a bear, but lion still refused to eat.

[ leave tofu marinating for a at least 10 minutes, tossing the chunks around every so often. ]

[ my secret ingredient in stir-fries. ]

anyhow. the boys were asleep by 7:45pm, which is kinda late for them, but i feel like i did the right thing letting them eat rather than starve all night. both boys also had a little bit of apple sauce before heading to bed.

i hate it when i lose my shit. i really do. my heart crumbles and i feel like the worst mother around. i know all parents and caregivers lose their cool, but i feel such shame and guilt for my own behaviour.
augh.

[ dinner is served in my lovely teema bowls. does not look disgusting to me, what do you think? ]

hope your monday ended better than mine.
here’s hoping tomorrow will bring with it some peace.

g’night.

barley, and it’s dirty little secrets.

March 25, 2012 by mama lola

i did not blog yesterday and missed a day for NaBloPoMo. but, i was so tired after a long day in the big city, that i decided rather than posting a terrible post, i would just skip posting anything.
*********
so, here we are a fresh new day… sunday. we are ending the week on a good note. or trying to anyhow. dear hubby is making the usual sunday feast. homemade pizza with dough from the bread maker! yum!

i have started my research into bear’s various allergies or sensitivities to be more accurate. it seems that egg, being a well known and potentially serious allergen is labelled clearly on packaged food items. although, things like bagels and pretzels may not contain egg, but they might instead be glazed with it, and so not sure if it then has to legally be marked. not sure where to find this information either…

but, barley…. oh boy! bear has a medium sensitivity to barley, which i didn’t really think much of, until i started to read labels and see that it is in everything. kind of like wheat or gluten. with my research i stumbled upon story after story of people, who thought they themselves or their kid had a gluten or wheat intolerance, but turned out to be barley! i nearly got him a gluten intolerance test but i’m pretty sure he’s just allergic to barley. that said, it might be worth doing a few tests with him just to be 100% sure of what’s causing his symptoms. a barley allergy presents commonly with skin rashes, eczema, head aches, stomach problems, diarrhea etc., just like so many other intolerances.

i had never even heard of a barley allergy before thursday. but, dear hubby and i have decided to make our household barley free, because bear will be exposed to it out there in the world, without us knowing. barley can be mixed into wheat flours and does not have to be labelled; malt is most commonly made from barley and can be found in all sorts of foods, like cereals. barley may also be found in bear’s fave soup, miso. oh, dear!

allergen labelling is tricky business and the government has laws to try to protect the general public, but the rules aren’t air tight and the gaps can be dangerous for some.

it’s time to put our homemaker aprons on and really get into the swing of making more of our own foods. with bear’s eczema it has become clear to me that we, as a family, have to take more control of what we eat. i have taken food for granted, assuming, all be it half-heartedly, that most foods are safe to eat. but, as evident by our govenrment, if manufacturers don’t actually have to include every single possible ingredient in their products, then there is potential for harm to my kid. luckily, luckily for him the reaction will not be dangerous or severe, but maybe one day it will develop into an anaphalactic allergy.
nobody knows anything really, when it comes to allergies it seems.

*********

GAME ON!

our boys got a surprise toy from my parents… a hockey net and hockey sticks! i guess that’s what happens when you’re family is finnish/ canadian! the weather was wet and dreary for our visit, bt we had fun. earlier in the day we went to the out of the cold art show, my folks have been volunteering at. both boys came home with some well chosen art!

hope you’ll be back tomorrow!

welcome baby M!

March 24, 2012 by mama lola

twenty five days ago i became an auntie for the third time! so exciting!

fresh and new.

i haven’t mentioned this joyous news on here, because i wanted to make sure i had her parents permission to share the wonderful news. missyM was born healthy and strong to her adoring parents on monday, february 27th. her arrival was long awaited, and we are anxiously looking forward to meeting her in may. dear hubby’s sister and her mister (and now missyM) live on the other side of the border for now, but are moving close to us for a few months.

a tired and proud mama looking at missyM.

when i showed lion pictures of baby missyM, he pointed, smiling and saying “baby, baby, baby”. it was so sweet and special. bear too was eager to see pictures of their newest and littlest cousin.

heartsy pants! missy looking like she has a bit of sass in her!

now, we are all counting down to may to when we get to meet the newest member of the family.

happy friday everyone. tonight was date night and dear hubby and i went to a restaurant called eggcetera dinner, since we are going to be an egg free home from now on!

anniversaries: some are harder than others.

March 22, 2012 by mama lola

anniversaries are tricky events. many anniversaries are occasions for remembering and celebrating achievements, family, love or whatever. dear hubby and i don’t really celebrate our wedding anniversary. not because it’s not special, but because february usually becomes about bear and his birthday. the two events are three days apart.

on our first wedding anniversary, when bear was three days old we were quarantined in the emergency department at the local hospital, because i developed a raging fever and on the advice of my midwives went to the hospital. dear hubby and bear had to join me, because i was nursing like every half hour or whatever. not the most romantic of anniversaries. in fact it was very stressful and i was quite down about the whole ordeal.

lilac out front budding. soon to be blooming. can’t wait!

some anniversaries are even harder.
it’s been just over a year since we put our sweet, squirrel loving roo down. his death is something that gets discussed a lot around here. bear will tell me he misses roo, just randomly when he sees other dogs. it shatters me when i hear him say stuff like that. i too have a huge hole in my heart for roo. i miss him so much, even though he was such a pain sometimes.
he barked and jumped around every where; hunted and killed squirrels; was very anxious in certain situations, but man, that dog loved us. i mean, he LOVED us. due to his anxiety and bounciness we always looked to calm him down with various CBD treats from the likes of this Pet treat manufacturer and others. he was always looking out for bear and then lion when he was wee.

he had had a rough life. moved from home to home to home to home. he just wanted to be loved. and we did just that.
we loved him. boy, did we ever LOVE him.
still do. so much.

on a happier note, this blog, my BEAR & LION will be celebrating a year of online success tomorrow!! i’m not sure how success is measured in the cyber-blog world, but i have acquired a following of faithful readers from all around the world, some who read out of obligation perhaps, others out of curiosity. i actually don’t care why people come by and read, i just love that you do.
my first entry was just a photograph, as i was too scared to write anything, in fear of judgement. now look at me, spilling my beans regularly!

i have found writing on my blog to be quite therapeutic in many ways. i started writing right after we put roo down, right after dear hubby lost his job and four months after my tumour was removed. it’s been a wonderful place for me to vent about some of life’s tough moments and share in some of the joys. i am grateful for my life, but it sure is harder than i ever could have imagined. and quite frankly, other people have it harder, much harder than me and i want to make sure i acknowledge that, but that does not take away from my hardships. i guess it’s like comparing apples and oranges; everyone’s life is hard to them and that’s what needs to be legitimized.
we’ve come a long way, baby!

anyhow, thanks for reading, please stick with me and my family to see what the future holds. as we all know far too well, we really have no idea what tomorrow may bring. that’s the point in life i guess.

xoxo,
lola

brothers :: veljekset.

March 19, 2012 by mama lola

they play school.
listen.
bear: i am the teacher. here is your hook (and hangs up lions little bag on a chair)
lion: smiles and tries to take the bag
bear: no, you can take it when school is done.
(this game mimicks the routine at bear’s pre-school where bags and coats are hung on hooks.)

these little imaginary worlds they create together and move through, cause my heart to ache. i’ve always wanted the boys to play together, but as the age difference is getting smaller, the games and roles they take on keep evolving. i am in awe of their camaraderie. often i will hear bear allowing lion to have a turn first, or do something that isn’t really a part of the game. they are always looking out for each other.

bear’s nickname for lion is “first friend”. i know right, too friggin’ cute!

the boys play together so well, i am worried about the day bear heads off to junior kindergarten in the fall, and lion is left alone with me. i am worried for both of them and their relationship. i realize some time apart will not hurt them, but all day, 5 days a week is a lot, and i quite frankly it breaks my heart to think my kids won’t get involved in their imaginary worlds together. there just aren’t hours in the day. i feel quite protective of their relationship and i know many people look at me with confusion and judgement. let them.

sometimes it feels like our capitalist society is hell bent on destroying the family unit, by separating us into day cares, schools and jobs.

bro’s.

saturday evening post: a royal do.

March 17, 2012 by mama lola

whew. we survived the another day of seasonally extra-warm temperatures and glorious sunlight. we took advantage of the weather and headed to the local university to attend college royal. an open house of sorts, but the main attractions are the barns belonging to the vet school. there are lines to get into there!

we went with dear hubby’s parents who were pleased as pie to spend such quality time with their grandsons. the kids were delighted to see their grandparents as well, which made for a wonderful day.

getting out of the house was a nightmare. it was painful and just awful.

our first attraction was the cat show. it was a bit of a bust. it was held in a huge auditorium style hall where the audience sat in the seats. it was a slow moving show that was hard to hear and follow, so we decided to sneak out early and head outside. so glad we did.

bear got to go for a tractor ride. he’s a natural; it’s in his blood. his great-grandfather was a cattle farmer.

the barns were a hit. both kids were in awe and loved seeing the animals so close up.

then we walked around campus soaking up the sunshine and vitamin D. the kids climbed and ran and raced and giggled a lot! by four o’clock the temperature was HOT, which meant time to get going home.

and what’s perfect for dinner on a hot march saturday evening? yup, you guessed it… SUSHI and BEER!

doubt.

March 16, 2012 by mama lola

today’s prompt via NaBloPoMo is to write about the word doubt. since i can’t decide what else to write about, i thought i would share my thoughts on this topic. (i have also included some random pictures to make this post more, um, colourful!)

i am a very doubtful person. i am always questioning if what i am doing or saying is right, or accurate, or kind or whatever. many people see me as a confident person and in many ways i am, but doubt is always lingering in my periphery keeping me on my toes.

it is difficult to not doubt ones-self in our society. the media is always inundating us with images and notions about who we should be, as if who we are now is not good enough. it is difficult to be a woman and i find it especially difficult to mother in this media storm of information. when bear was a baby i doubted all of our parenting decisions, and would quickly worry about our choices. luckily for us we were pretty broke financially, so i couldn’t actually spend a lot of money on all of the gidgets and gadgets i was told i needed to be a good mother. so, instead i sat in worry, fear and doubt wondering if i was damaging bear, because he never had a crib or a bumbo chair.

[ bear writing; i dictate the letters. ]

today, i see that those decision we made were right for us and our family and i do not doubt those choices any more. in fact, i feel quite confident in our choices as attachment parents.

now, i worry about lion and doubt i am as wholesome of a mother as i was for bear, back in the day. with two kids i feel stretched, which is not a bad feeling, just the reality of my life. i worry i am not expressing my love enough to each little boy of mine and worry that someone is going to feel less-loved. i am sure this is common of all mother’s who have more than one child, but it is a terrible feeling.

doubt is not a pleasant feeling in itself. although, it can bring one to growth and self-awareness, it is difficult to manage through the fear and stress doubt brings with it.

******
this has not been a very happy entry, so i am leaving you with these two questions bear has already asked me numerous times today…
1. “when will the easter bunny come and give me chocolates?” (we have not talked about the easter bunny or chocolates…hmm…..)
2. “when will all of my teeth fall out? i want it to happen now.”

kids really do say the darndest things!
what silly things have you heard lately?

almost half way and i hit a wall!

March 13, 2012 by mama lola

day 13 of NaBloPoMo and i’ve hit a wall. i don’t know what to write about. there are prompts to help, but i didn’t like today’s.

well, spring has sprung early this year. we barely had a winter and are now enjoying plenty of sunshine and loading up on vitamin D. all sorts of things are pushing their way through the decaying leaves.

the boys and i had a nice day together. we did some groceries, had lunch, lion napped while bear watched some “bob the builder” and then we headed outside for a few hours.

i made a delicious alphabet-veggie soup with eggs, brie, pickles (thanks brandy), left over cabbage salad and bread on the side. here’s a picture of our spread; please excuse my dying tulips. i bought them for myself last week when i received my 5th strep diagnosis; i needed a pick me up. lovely!

cheers to a lovely tuesday! tomorrow we are heading to the park first thing with lots of friends to enjoy more of these warm temperatures! what a great march break!

what do you have planned for hump day?

goodnight moon.

March 13, 2012 by mama lola

“Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light, and the red balloon…”

“goodnight moon” is one of the favourite bedtime books at our house. i love the slow rhythm of the book and the simplicity of the lines. i love the illustrations and the details in them.

our bedtime routine has been the same for years now. dear hubby and bear were solid in the evening routine and when lion was born, he jumped into the rituals as well. first there’s a bath, then iltapala (bedtime snack), then hugs and kisses for me and upstairs for teeth brushing. the boys each choose a couple of books and the the guys all snuggle on the bottom bunk for stories.

bear crawls up to his top bunk where lion joins him for brotherly hugs and kisses and then it’s lights out. lion needs someone to stay with until he is asleep. being in the bottom bunk makes it tempting for our littlest one to get up.

dear hubby and i have gotten back to the habit of reading in bed before sleeping, which i find is the most relaxing thing to do. i have a tall pile of books on my night stand of books i want to read. they include parenting books, novels and one autobiography.
what’s your evening routine like?

goodnight. sweet dreams.
hyvää yötä. kauniita unia.

anxiety: mine or his?

March 7, 2012 by mama lola

i ordered some much needed parenting books from amazon and they arrived yesterday. i am looking for resources to help with my eldest son, bear. he’s always been on the more quiet, sensitive end of the spectrum. he gets overwhelmed by people and places quickly, especially if they are new. i think he actually feels anxious, a lot of the time. i don’t think he has an actual disorder, but i do recognize that he is very sensitive to changes around him. and he internalizes everything, taking things to heart and he struggles with the waves of emotion that hit him. This is a common issue, and whilst adults can Visit this website to find solutions, it can be harder for someone so young.

[ lego and patch time.]

whenever we are getting ready to go somewhere bear immediately slams on the brakes with the whole “i don’t want to go to ______”. we could be on our way to preschool, ballet, a friend’s house, the park, or a grandparen’ts house or the grocery store. the destination is irrelevant. this behaviour has been going on for a couple of years and i am now beginning to really put the pieces together; this is not just defiant behaviour, but i honestly think he is feeling anxious about leaving the safety and familiarity of our home. the outside world makes him feel nervous.

at the end of these visits or school times bear is usually happy, content and satisfied with participating. for example, when i pick him up from preschool or when he comes home from ballet, he is relaxed, and tells me he has had a wonderful time. this is where it gets tricky for us, as his parents, knowing when to force him to go and when to acknowledge his anxiety and let him stay home. currently, we make him attend unless he is sick. are we being too strict?

[playing hot and cold with mummo. we’re all laughing, because bear is looking right at the hidden item, but totally not seeing it. he loves this game! ]

when do i let it go and when do i push, without being a pushover? where is the line? It has been causing me a lot of anxiety too, which is pretty understandable as a mother who loves her kids and just wants to give them the space and freedom but also keep them safe. Friends have noticed my anxiety about this situation and have recommended me doing a few things to help calm myself when needed. Yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises have all been told to me and applauded by those who use them, I think I will give them a go, just to see how I fair. But one method has stood out to me and has been said by a few people in and outside my inner circle – CBD. Sites like purerelief.com/cbd-products/ carry these types of products and I’m not adverse to potentially trying them, anything that can help ease my anxiety so I don’t pass them onto him and make him feel emotionally worse is important. My only concern with CBD is that I don’t know much about it at all, and I don’t know if it has any side effects or whether it’s addictive. I’ll be sure to learn more from articles like https://cannaunion.com/blog/is-cbd-addictive/ before I give it a go, but from what I’ve heard, it’s an amazing product. I know cannabis-based products have been rather popular lately, especially when it comes to their medicinal benefits. I have read about different strains, like ghost bubba, that can help with anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. It’s nice to know that there are alternative remedies available to us when we need it.