bear & lion

here's a peek into the highs and woes of our life

blarghy, sick.

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the boys have been sick with stubborn colds. 

first lion was hit, then bear. the snot has flowed freely down from each of their sweet little noses and into their mouths for about a week now. bear also has a persistent cough; you know the dry kind that tickles and tickles in the back of your throat that no amount of coughing can get rid of. i am a broken record repeating “cough into your elbow”, but really, they are both just aiming for me. 


having two sick people isolates us from the rest of the world. we really haven’t done anything fun or exciting since the weekend, and even then i wanted to cancel on our plans with friends. 

but we’ve been trying to keep busy at home. the boys adore the doorway swing/ gym set they received for christmas, especially bear. check out his fancy moves!

he loves to do tricks on it; hang upside down, climb up in various ways, and swing higher and higher while pumping furiously with his legs. i am so glad we joulupukki/ santa got it for the boys. i was cruising pinterest, when i found this swing. what a beauty! not quite as good for the acrobatics, but certainly lovely to look at and i’m certain it’s comfy on the tush too.
[source: here]

what a beauty, eh?


hope you and yours are healthy. 
swing on, baby!

xo, mama lola

where do i go from here?

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sometimes it feels as though everyone around me is moving forwards in life. their momentum appears to be positive and energetic and full of optimism, while i’m stuck in the doom and gloom of the grey winter blahs. i don’t want to sound ungrateful or whiny, because neither is my intention. but, i suppose i feel bored. not as in i have nothing to do, because i have plenty to do, but i guess in a more, i am understimulated kind of bored. 

[source: here]

as my children grow and gain more independence, i find myself wondering more about what my future holds. as i peek into the crystal ball i see plenty of familial time. but, i also see myself as a more refreshed image of who i am today. refreshed by what i am doing, how i am doing things and where i am doing it. i had a massage before the holidays, and the masseuse said to me (quite rudely and unprofessionally) that i looked depleted. i immediately felt defensive and embarrassed of my depleted self. but, once i got over the shock of what she said (several days later, mind you) it dawned on me that she was onto something.


although, it doesn’t matter what she thinks of me or what anyone thinks of me actually (well…), i did have to admit that she was onto something. my body has been through some significant stresses over the last few years and as a consequence my body has become a weak, soft, vessel that gets sick and exhausted easily.


my point in this friday ramble, is that so many things in life are not important. as i sit in the haze that has become my life, i am willing to move forwards and move towards a more focused and clearer future. one that is stimulating, challenging and exciting in all the right ways! although the winter blah’s are sitting tightly on my shoulders, i do see a twinkle in the horizon of light and life, and i am keen to move towards it.



xo, mama lola

better than 3.

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those of you who have been reading this blog regularly, know that i have had a difficult year with my three year old, bear. it feels as though we have been fighting about everything, living in tension and struggling through the simplest of daily tasks.

just before christmas a shift occurred and things changed at our house. a wave of joy and calm rode in, which i initially thought was santa related, but the joy has stayed (with the exception of the christmas rage). the delightful 2 year old bear i knew and loved a while back has returned and is here to stay. today he is an articulate, funny, artistic and curious almost 4 year old, however. we have bid farewell to the three year old boy who brought with him such fight.

looking back, while we were in the throws of three, i never thought it would end. the endless friction was exhausting and ate away at my self. i felt like a failure, constantly overwhelmed by tremendous feelings of guilt and inadequacy.


although i suspect i will never be a truly confident mother, i hope i will take strength away from this last year. i have no idea what the future ages and stages of development will bring, but i think we will survive. 

our lion will one day be three, but i don’t think it’ll be quite as difficult with him. i don’t want to sound cocky, but i have few more notches in the ol’ mothering belt and experience has taught me greatly. plus, the logistics of our family will be quite different. 

when lion is three, bear will be a fulltime student in school and lion himself will be in preschool, meaning i will have time FOR MYSELF! dare i even say this?!? i will have time to properly re-charge my batteries, so that when those power struggles present themselves i will be calmer, better rested and also hopefully more rational as a result.

meow, kitties.
happy midweek everyone!

xo, mama lola

oh, fire!

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ozfire turned two this weekend. he’s the youngest son of friends and we had wonderful time at his birthday party this morning. i brought my camera, but completely forgot to take any pictures of the beautiful people there. 


as i was remembering back to his birth it made me think about my life and wonder where we were two years ago in january of 2010…

  • i was about three months pregnant.
  • i had just found out about my tumour and on the morning of ozfire’s birth, i had my second appointment with my neurologist.
  • i was on tylenol 3’s for the headaches and feeling so guilty while thinking about my unborn babe, my wee lion.
  • i was being referred to a high risk OB at the big hospital out of town, but i was able to keep my midwives on for support… LUCKILY!!!
  • we were living in another city, anxiously saving money for a down payment for a house in the city we currently live in.
  • bear was almost two, still in diapers, learning to talk, napping in the afternoons and clueless about the baby who was coming to rock our world.
  • dear hubby was working at a fairly new job and things we’re going well. 
  • unbeknownst to us, it was the beginning of the most stressful year of our lives. 

all of the above pictures of bear were taken in january 2010.
today, in january 2012, two years since all of that, i am truly coming to terms with all of that. dear hubby and i have come to the realization that we were in a fair bit of denial with the tumour situation and the specifics of the scary birth which brought us our wee lion. although we felt the seriousness of each situation, only now are the finer details settling into our consciousness. i am reminding myself that my focus should not be on the details of the past, but instead on the details of the future. 
happy birthday sweet ozfire! we love you so, so much and are looking forward to more shared adventures with you. choo-choo fire! 
xoxo

xo, mama lola

i hate my pine cabinets.

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i am so torn and indecisive about whether or not to reno our kitchen. as i have complained before, our current cabinets are the ugly pine type with layers of grime and stains that won’t come off no matter what cleaner i try.  and because the pine is so soft the doors are full of dents as well. we have painted the kitchen walls a bright white which has helped freshen the room, but my dream is to rip out the pine cabinets and throw up some clean, white cabinets from IKEA. 

this akarum cabinet by IKEA, only $112.

but, we’re not sure how long we’re actually going to live here (probably up to 2yrs) and when i perused MLS last night I discovered that all of the kitchens in houses i would consider living in were awful and not to my taste. this means, we’ll probably have to redo a kitchen in our next home.


the reason i am struggling with making this decision is  because our kitchen is quite small, so we wouldn’t realistically have to replace more than 7 cabinets in total, which financially is not a huge chunk of change. and i think we could get the job done (by hired contractors) in a weekend, meaning the reno wouldn’t even be that intrusive for us.
so is it worth it?
i need some wise words from people who have been in this situation. i don’t want to live here another year and then regret not doing it, ya know?


*****
although this winter has been shockingly snowless, we have found skating a perfect winter activity to get bear involved in. on saturday we went downtown again to skate at city hall. this time i laced up my new blades and even though i was terrified i would fall flat on my butt, i didn’t! it’s been about 7 years since my last skating adventure and on that winter’s night we were with friends who had just discovered they were preggo! 

anyhow, skating is like riding a bike, you never really forget how to do it. bear was pretty impressed and when we hit the ice together he did great as he stomped on his own with no supports. we taught him how to get up, which improved his confidence, but the little guy got tired quickly and melted on the ice in tears. on our way home he fell asleep in the chariot!



once dear hubby is done with getting the kids to sleep we will watch tracey ullman’s “state of the union” on netflix and drink grapefruit vodka and tonic.


cheers to a new week! 







xo, mama lola

i am sailing.

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i grew up sailing each summer among the island-dotted seas of the gulf of finland. my folks had a small sailboat, which we sailed, creating a lifetime of memories of those summers in finland. i remember the day that they bought it and i couldn’t believe it! it was such a lovely boat! i think they got it from somewhere like GraysOnline and i went with them to pick it up. as soon as i saw the boat, i knew we were going to have lots of happy memories in it.

holding the boat and getting ready to settle at another island.

my dad, who is not a rod stewart fan, did love this song and still sings it. when i hear it get all nostalgic and goose bumpy. gotta love rods sailor outfit!



i am looking for new blogs follow. and i found this one http://www.zachaboard.blogspot.com/ and this one http://www.svwondertime.com/. i haven’t had a chance to read them too closely, but they look fascinating as they are both about families living on sailboats.


dear hubby has been trying to convince me to hop on a boat and sail around the world. he was inspired by a family from ottawa who did just that. they bought a boat, rented out their home, packed up and sailed around the globe on a 4 year adventure. the book is called “voyage of the northern magic” by diane stuemer. dear hubby grew up sailing as well and as a teen attended sailing camps on the brigantine ship. so it isn’t totally out of the blue that this is what he wants us to experience as family.

bikini dots.

we’ll see though. i am scared of pirates and although the idea of living on a boat is exciting and romantic, the realities of it are also overwhelming.

xo, mama lola

hear lion roaring.

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lion has arrived. ROAR! 
2012 is going to be his year to shine, roar and get noticed. being second born is tough work, with big shoes to fill and high expectations to meet, but i can already see that glint of attention seeking talent in his eyes. i can’t wait to watch him!
he’s bursting with growth right now. he is finally out of 9 month clothes and pretty much in 12-18 month stuff exclusively, which is a big deal as he is 18 months old. he’s always been teeny, but this past week he’s put the rest of us in our places by eating more than anyone and sleeping two naps a day: GROWTH SPURT anyone?! 

lion has always been determined to be like his big brother, but since the holidays he’s actually been requested to participate in games and even given responsibilities. it breaks my heart that my littlest guy is growing up so quickly. to be honest, i actually think i’m in a bit of denial about it. for some reason in my mind he is a baby, who is only one or so and not capable of much, but in reality he will be a toddling two year old this july, who is so capable of doing so much. his comprehension shocks me daily, as he responds to my words or recognizes and initiates daily habits we motion through during the day. things like getting his boots from the shoe rack or getting his toque and putting it on. or pointing enthusiastically to his toothbrush when we’re all huddled in the bathroom. or helping set the table for dinner and then running to his chair when dinner is about to be served. 

we went to the park the other day. lion swung, had a snack and then fell asleep in my arms. when it was time to go home he wasn’t ready to wake-up so i lay him on our stuff in the wagon. he slept the entire way home, even though the wagon was bumping around on the sidewalk! so sweet! later that afternoon he had a second nap in his cozy bed.

when bear was this age, i was already pregnant with lion. that realiz
ation blows me away, as back then i saw bear as a big kid not a baby like i see lion. i suppose i am not the only one who has done this. it’s hard not to compare your kids, especially when they are close in age and the same sex. 

how do you feel about your kids growing up?

xo, mama lola

skating party, with a side of teeth and birthday love!

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today our city’s mayor hosted a party with skating, and music and treats, and lots of fun.

bear donned his skates for the first time, evah and off we went. it was excruciating holding him, but after a couple of rounds around the rink he wanted to do it on his own. i was bursting with pride — even though he kept falling, he would smile and pick himself up and try again. what a guy!

the zamboni came along and gave him a well deserved break!



lion was happy to watch from the sidelines.

he is riding a massive teething wave, which i don’t think has crested yet. he is constantly rubbing his gums with a finger, or toy, or furniture or his beloved soother! it looks like his gums are going to explode. they are so red and bulbous (ugh, hate that word), with tiny speckles of white teethy pearls shining through. our teething experience has been so different this time with lion, compared with bear. i just hope my little lion’s teeth come sooner rather than later, because the constant whining and super sensitive state he is in, is painful to watch and live with. If they don’t come soon, we’ll be taking a trip to Dentist Greenbelt for future support! Hopefully it’ll be sorted then and he won’t be in so much pain. I can not wait until his teeth come through, although, from what I can see peeping through at the moment, I am feeling quite jealous. No, not because of the pain he’s experiencing but because of how white they look, its amazing! This has prompted me to do some research on teeth whitening products so I can have some good looking nashers of my own. I’ve already searched up questions like “how long do crest white strips take to work” and “reviews on teeth whitening toothpaste”, so I know I’m bound to find the perfect solution soon. Anyways, lets focus on my son’s growing teeth for the time being…


one of our sweet little friends turned ONE on friday and i wanted to share a picture of her eating her birthday cupcake! happy birthday sweet girl! xoxo



hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!





xo, mama lola

christmas rage: what’s that you ask?

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is it too late to write about Christmas?

now that the holidays are a warm, fuzzy memory and I’ve had a chance to decompress i can share something personal with you, my faithful reader: i lived with some serious Christmas rage! Christmas rage is exactly what it sounds like, rage experienced in-and-around Christmas. for me, the trigger revolves around dear hubby as it (sadly) has for many of my friends!
it’s that whole forgetful, fumbling, mumbling, procrastinating, a slow-moving disaster that dear hubby becomes around the holidays. I will admit that I knew I was marrying a mumbler and procrastinator, but the Christmas obligations really exaggerate these qualities in him, and combined with the stress I feel, it creates the rage. Unfortunately, this can cause some tense moments in the house. When you’re stressed, people can begin to irritate you easily. This causes an unhappy mood within the house. As it’s nearly Christmas, it’s important to be festive and happy, however, I find myself to be quite stressed and angry. When talking to one of my friends about this, she suggested that maybe I need to consider trying some of the black diamond weed strain. Apparently, she’s taken that before the Christmas holiday and she was completely relaxed and uplifted throughout the whole day. Maybe that’s the sort of thing I need to consider. I’ll have a look into that. Christmas is supposed to be fun and happy, so I need to try and be less stressed out.

one of our biggest problems is that i think Christmas is a season and not a day or two in December, as he does. during one of my rages this year dear hubby admitted to thinking x-mas started on the 24th and for me, it started a few weeks before. this is a huge difference in how we view and experience Christmas, and hopefully, we will take the lessons we learned in 2011 and apply them in 2012.

christmas is magical and i love all the music, traditions, smells and tastes that come along during this special time of year. but on the flip side, it is a lot of work too. there is a lot of pressure on me to remember all of the finer details about the holidays, who to shop for, make for, what to get, what to make, when to do it, making cards, deciding on the concept, etc etc.


it’s January 8th and I am planning next x-mas already. think what you may, but I don’t want to find myself in the same rage this year. I have suggested to dear hubby to get his shopping done by September, seriously, because then he can focus on the fun stuff around the holidays. and as the kids get bigger there will be more fun, winter, holiday activities to participate in, but if hubs is out doing last-minute shopping or wrapping or whatever, then his time will be limited with the family. plus, with bear starting school in the fall, he too will only have limited time during Christmas to romp and play.


and, finally, I want to clear up that Christmas rage wasn’t an ongoing fight at our house. we did have lots of fun, beautiful moments and created lots of warm memories as a family, dear hubby included.


i’d love to hear about your Christmas rage experiences and ways you’re hoping to combat the problem this year.

xo, mama lola

2012.

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WELCOME 2012, NICE TO MEET CHA!
it’s time to start new and fresh, it is a new year after all. 2012 arrived in full glory with snow and rain and storms, but here we are safe and sound at home coming down from the holiday high.

we spent a glorious new year’s extra-long weekend with our dear friends at the cottage getting into all sorts of shanighans! kids of all sizes and generations had fun tobogganing, building forts and lumilyhty’s; we sat by the fire sipping various drinks and cocktails and munching on a lovely variety of festive treats; the conversations flowed easily, opinions were debated and ideas developed. it was fantastic!

there was a spectacular fireworks presentation thanks to papaD. unfortunately, bear was growly and little ozFire (almost 2yrs) was terrified and cried the entire time. there were also some fancy extra long sparklers for the big kids and they were such fun, even for the grumpy bear!
the big kids were really in their element enjoying all that mother nature had to offer. no matter what kind of precipitation was falling from the sky, the kids were out in full force. we did have to call them in to dry off and eat every few hours. check out the fancy snow fort below!



here’s a quick slide show of our winter fun!



our drive home took an unusual 7 hours due to some weather related difficulties. first we got stuck for an hour on the cottage driveway, which was incredibly frustrating. it had all iced and since we were the last car to leave we had to back up over tons of ice. finally after trying branches, wood blocks, salt, the ashes worked and got us on the road. 
then after driving for about 2 hours we hit a major snow storm and had to drive at 30-40km/ph. slow going, but safe i suppose. eventually we got home and quickly went to bed.


looking forward to all sorts of adventures that 2012 has to offer! 
my motto or mantra for this year is (stolen from friday night lights):
 “clear eyes, strong hearts, can’t lose“.

xo, mama lola
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