saturday evening post: a royal do.

March 17, 2012 by mama lola

whew. we survived the another day of seasonally extra-warm temperatures and glorious sunlight. we took advantage of the weather and headed to the local university to attend college royal. an open house of sorts, but the main attractions are the barns belonging to the vet school. there are lines to get into there!

we went with dear hubby’s parents who were pleased as pie to spend such quality time with their grandsons. the kids were delighted to see their grandparents as well, which made for a wonderful day.

getting out of the house was a nightmare. it was painful and just awful.

our first attraction was the cat show. it was a bit of a bust. it was held in a huge auditorium style hall where the audience sat in the seats. it was a slow moving show that was hard to hear and follow, so we decided to sneak out early and head outside. so glad we did.

bear got to go for a tractor ride. he’s a natural; it’s in his blood. his great-grandfather was a cattle farmer.

the barns were a hit. both kids were in awe and loved seeing the animals so close up.

then we walked around campus soaking up the sunshine and vitamin D. the kids climbed and ran and raced and giggled a lot! by four o’clock the temperature was HOT, which meant time to get going home.

and what’s perfect for dinner on a hot march saturday evening? yup, you guessed it… SUSHI and BEER!

doubt.

March 16, 2012 by mama lola

today’s prompt via NaBloPoMo is to write about the word doubt. since i can’t decide what else to write about, i thought i would share my thoughts on this topic. (i have also included some random pictures to make this post more, um, colourful!)

i am a very doubtful person. i am always questioning if what i am doing or saying is right, or accurate, or kind or whatever. many people see me as a confident person and in many ways i am, but doubt is always lingering in my periphery keeping me on my toes.

it is difficult to not doubt ones-self in our society. the media is always inundating us with images and notions about who we should be, as if who we are now is not good enough. it is difficult to be a woman and i find it especially difficult to mother in this media storm of information. when bear was a baby i doubted all of our parenting decisions, and would quickly worry about our choices. luckily for us we were pretty broke financially, so i couldn’t actually spend a lot of money on all of the gidgets and gadgets i was told i needed to be a good mother. so, instead i sat in worry, fear and doubt wondering if i was damaging bear, because he never had a crib or a bumbo chair.

[ bear writing; i dictate the letters. ]

today, i see that those decision we made were right for us and our family and i do not doubt those choices any more. in fact, i feel quite confident in our choices as attachment parents.

now, i worry about lion and doubt i am as wholesome of a mother as i was for bear, back in the day. with two kids i feel stretched, which is not a bad feeling, just the reality of my life. i worry i am not expressing my love enough to each little boy of mine and worry that someone is going to feel less-loved. i am sure this is common of all mother’s who have more than one child, but it is a terrible feeling.

doubt is not a pleasant feeling in itself. although, it can bring one to growth and self-awareness, it is difficult to manage through the fear and stress doubt brings with it.

******
this has not been a very happy entry, so i am leaving you with these two questions bear has already asked me numerous times today…
1. “when will the easter bunny come and give me chocolates?” (we have not talked about the easter bunny or chocolates…hmm…..)
2. “when will all of my teeth fall out? i want it to happen now.”

kids really do say the darndest things!
what silly things have you heard lately?

smells fishy.

March 15, 2012 by mama lola

we had simply wonderful hump day, yesterday.

i started the day by baking muffins, while sipping my morning coffee. then after th eusual tears about leaving the house, we were off to the park with friends to enjoy the sunny morning.

the park was fun and the sun was glorious in it’s warmth and cheeriness. it felt amazing to take advantage of mother nature’s vitamin D supply. later after getting home and after lion’s afternoon nap we headed outside into the backyard and spent another couple of hours enjoying the phenomenal weather. i even got a touch of sunburn on my extra pasty face!

then, i made a beautiful dinner for my family last night. we had rainbow trout with roasted leeks, apple and carrots, and a side of mashed potatoes with dill. i made a delicious tahini & yoghurt sauce for the fish and was looking forward to sitting down with my family for a lovely dinner. unfortunately for me, our lovely family dinner’s have gone to the pits recently.

[ ready to go.]

[ ready to be mashed. ]

bear also has his dinnertime antics. he used to be a wonderful eater; he ate everything offered. now, he has a long list of food items he adamantly claims not to like. like fish, to my chagrin. anyway, last evening and on many other evenings he comes to the table and immediately makes rude noises, “eww, ick, yuck…” which accelerate my blood pressure to rocket through the roof and i get mad. i hate that. eventually, once everyone has eaten enough and the boys are clearing the table, bear comes up to me, and in the sweetest voice says “kiitos äiti, for making such a delicious dinner. it was lovely”.

[ rainbow trout with the works. ]

are you kidding me?
that simply sounds suspicious, insincere and fishy to me!

almost half way and i hit a wall!

March 13, 2012 by mama lola

day 13 of NaBloPoMo and i’ve hit a wall. i don’t know what to write about. there are prompts to help, but i didn’t like today’s.

well, spring has sprung early this year. we barely had a winter and are now enjoying plenty of sunshine and loading up on vitamin D. all sorts of things are pushing their way through the decaying leaves.

the boys and i had a nice day together. we did some groceries, had lunch, lion napped while bear watched some “bob the builder” and then we headed outside for a few hours.

i made a delicious alphabet-veggie soup with eggs, brie, pickles (thanks brandy), left over cabbage salad and bread on the side. here’s a picture of our spread; please excuse my dying tulips. i bought them for myself last week when i received my 5th strep diagnosis; i needed a pick me up. lovely!

cheers to a lovely tuesday! tomorrow we are heading to the park first thing with lots of friends to enjoy more of these warm temperatures! what a great march break!

what do you have planned for hump day?

goodnight moon.

March 13, 2012 by mama lola

“Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light, and the red balloon…”

“goodnight moon” is one of the favourite bedtime books at our house. i love the slow rhythm of the book and the simplicity of the lines. i love the illustrations and the details in them.

our bedtime routine has been the same for years now. dear hubby and bear were solid in the evening routine and when lion was born, he jumped into the rituals as well. first there’s a bath, then iltapala (bedtime snack), then hugs and kisses for me and upstairs for teeth brushing. the boys each choose a couple of books and the the guys all snuggle on the bottom bunk for stories.

bear crawls up to his top bunk where lion joins him for brotherly hugs and kisses and then it’s lights out. lion needs someone to stay with until he is asleep. being in the bottom bunk makes it tempting for our littlest one to get up.

dear hubby and i have gotten back to the habit of reading in bed before sleeping, which i find is the most relaxing thing to do. i have a tall pile of books on my night stand of books i want to read. they include parenting books, novels and one autobiography.
what’s your evening routine like?

goodnight. sweet dreams.
hyvää yötä. kauniita unia.

how much is enough?

March 12, 2012 by mama lola

what a beautiful day outside today. it almost felt like summer! we took advantage of the sun and headed to the university’s arboretum. glorious!

as we walked among the trees, i was handed a few introspective moments when the guys were doing their own thing, and i was left alone to take pictures and think.
how much love is enough?
how much discipline is enough?
how much art is enough?

this is where i’m at: as i learn about anxiety and about “sensitive” kids, i wonder where i went wrong. i mean, yes, kids are born with various maps of who they will be, but how much of my behaviour, my mothering affected bear’s temperament and personality. as usual, i feel tremendous guilt that i didn’t do enough; that i pushed when he least needed it and left him to play alone so much in the beginning.
maybe i didn’t carry him enough?

i’ve gone back and looked at old pictures of bear from when he was about 12-24 months, in the hopes of recognizing some behaviour he presented back then that might be connected to the stuff we see today. these walks down memory lane are wonderful, but bring on a whole new wave of guilt: that i am not mothering lion as attentively as i did bear. when bear was this age he and i spent many hours colouring, stickering, building blocks, going for walks and i would let him help in the kitchen a lot. lion, well, he has definitely been handed the short end of the stick as he does not ever get to sit alone with me and play. well, maybe not quite never, but his alone time with either dear hubby or myself is very limited. and yes, i do recognize that his relationship and hours of play with his older brother is priceless and has replaced that void.

i am feeling very unsure, again.
as usual.

happy sunny-sunday everyone!
see you tomorrow.
xo

summer vacations can bring on stress, for bear!

March 10, 2012 by mama lola

about a year ago, almost to the day, dear hubby lost his job. it was a shocking blow, which shook the ground we were standing on, but we both decided it meant bigger and better things were coming. unfortunately, it also meant we had to cancel our family road trip out to the east coast with friends. we were literally hours from sending a deposit for a cottage we were going share on the eastern shores of canada. Our friends suggested that we use apartments from somewhere similar to DelSuites apartments during our stay but we had already decided on the cottage.

[ bear five months after his first swim at the cottage. ]

well, lucky for us we are back on the planning wagon and looking forward to heading out east to the maritimes this summer. we won’t be going with our friends, unfortunately. They have been looking to search holiday homes all over the world and see if they can explore abroad, which is fair. i’ve been told that they are even looking to hire a private air charter service as part of their travel arrangements, i wish them all the best on their exciting and luxurious adventures and wish we could have been joining them! i am looking forward to camping next to the ocean and listening to the waves; i am excited to go whale watching with my guys and feel the excitement of seeing those majestic mammals in real life again. i always thought that going whale watching was going to be something i would never be able to tick off my bucket list, but i can’t wait to actually experience it. if this is something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, a quick google search into something like whale watching california (if you’re looking to go here) could help you plan a trip of a lifetime and make memories with the family.

i am eager to see more of this grand country that i have lived in for over 20 years, and i am grateful i can share these adventures with my kids and dear hubby.

[ lion two weeks old here. his second trip to the beach. ]

but, when i mentioned our summer plans to bear at dinner the other night, his throat closed immediately and his chin went skrintchy and as he was desperately fighting back tears, he said “i don’t want to go. i want to stay home.” WHAT? augh, his friggin’ little anxious self had taken over, instilling fear into his mind about the family vacation. i tried to explain that we would all be together, as a family, as this is something that is very important to him. but, no matter what i said or explained he just continued to repeat his desire to stay home.

it’s distressing, heart breaking and agonizing to see him get so upset about our summer vacation!

what’s a mama to do?

wednesday was a bad day.

March 8, 2012 by mama lola

Yesterday was a disaster from sunrise to sun down. It started off with bear’s eczema bothering him so intensely that he was running around crying and screaming. he complained that his eczema patches both hurt and were itchy. poor guy! This all happened before breakfast was even eaten, so it set a negative tone on the rest of the day. If it gets any worse, I might have to look at picking up something like tremotyx eczema treatment to try and treat it.

We had some spring like temperatures, so i decided we should head to the park first thing in the morning. Oh, boy! Bear cried all the way there, sitting on the sidewalk demanding to go home. Lion just sat in the wagon, oblivious to the tears. The walk home was the same.

Once at home, bear cried about taking his boots off, eating lunch, watching a show on netflix, his brother, his glasses, his eczema, various toys, daddy being at work, dinner time, bath time, bedtime, and so on and so on.

I was not at my best either and so having both of us in grumpy, tired moods made for a terrible day. I am under the weather (yes, again!) and my patience is almost non-existant, even though I am trying desperately to hold it together.

I hope today is better, even though it is dark and grey outside and raining.
Let’s at least hope bear’s eczema isn’t so bothersome today. The kid needs a break!

Smile!

anxiety: mine or his?

March 7, 2012 by mama lola

i ordered some much needed parenting books from amazon and they arrived yesterday. i am looking for resources to help with my eldest son, bear. he’s always been on the more quiet, sensitive end of the spectrum. he gets overwhelmed by people and places quickly, especially if they are new. i think he actually feels anxious, a lot of the time. i don’t think he has an actual disorder, but i do recognize that he is very sensitive to changes around him. and he internalizes everything, taking things to heart and he struggles with the waves of emotion that hit him. This is a common issue, and whilst adults can Visit this website to find solutions, it can be harder for someone so young.

[ lego and patch time.]

whenever we are getting ready to go somewhere bear immediately slams on the brakes with the whole “i don’t want to go to ______”. we could be on our way to preschool, ballet, a friend’s house, the park, or a grandparen’ts house or the grocery store. the destination is irrelevant. this behaviour has been going on for a couple of years and i am now beginning to really put the pieces together; this is not just defiant behaviour, but i honestly think he is feeling anxious about leaving the safety and familiarity of our home. the outside world makes him feel nervous.

at the end of these visits or school times bear is usually happy, content and satisfied with participating. for example, when i pick him up from preschool or when he comes home from ballet, he is relaxed, and tells me he has had a wonderful time. this is where it gets tricky for us, as his parents, knowing when to force him to go and when to acknowledge his anxiety and let him stay home. currently, we make him attend unless he is sick. are we being too strict?

[playing hot and cold with mummo. we’re all laughing, because bear is looking right at the hidden item, but totally not seeing it. he loves this game! ]

when do i let it go and when do i push, without being a pushover? where is the line? It has been causing me a lot of anxiety too, which is pretty understandable as a mother who loves her kids and just wants to give them the space and freedom but also keep them safe. Friends have noticed my anxiety about this situation and have recommended me doing a few things to help calm myself when needed. Yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises have all been told to me and applauded by those who use them, I think I will give them a go, just to see how I fair. But one method has stood out to me and has been said by a few people in and outside my inner circle – CBD. Sites like purerelief.com/cbd-products/ carry these types of products and I’m not adverse to potentially trying them, anything that can help ease my anxiety so I don’t pass them onto him and make him feel emotionally worse is important. My only concern with CBD is that I don’t know much about it at all, and I don’t know if it has any side effects or whether it’s addictive. I’ll be sure to learn more from articles like https://cannaunion.com/blog/is-cbd-addictive/ before I give it a go, but from what I’ve heard, it’s an amazing product. I know cannabis-based products have been rather popular lately, especially when it comes to their medicinal benefits. I have read about different strains, like ghost bubba, that can help with anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. It’s nice to know that there are alternative remedies available to us when we need it.

bear’s blood.

March 3, 2012 by mama lola

on friday morning, my mr. 4 year old bear had a vial of blood taken from his left arm. he sat on my lap, while one nurse held his arm down and the other gently jabbed a needle with a tube into his arm, that then attached to the vial. he was getting blood work done to find out what is causing his eczema.

little man didn’t even blink. he stared closely to what they were doing; didn’t say a word, didn’t cry or whine; sat still, while i tried not to explode with pride.

once the blood was taken and a bandage put on, he whimpered a bit as we walked back to the car. because bear was so well behaved, we headed to the massive toy store across the road and took our time looking for the perfect “treat”. he decided on some fancy play-doh equipment. the $20 was totally worth it.

[ “this is the one i want daddy!” ]

we also explored the lego section closely, but only admiring the boxes with pictures of shuttles, houses and helicopters. when we said it was time to go, bear excitedly gave the cashier his fancy playdoh box and off we headed to lunch.

it was so pleasant and fun, and his behaviour reminded me that he really is a quiet, calm kid. it is very unusual for him to meltdown in public, to scream and fuss and carry on. it is the shyness in him that keeps him still during blood work.

[ does this look like a face of someone who just had blood taken? ]

lion, our sweet little man should also get some recognition. although, during the blood work he only watched from the safety of his dad’s arms, he too was a delight to be with. at the toy store he chatted from the cart, pointing to various colourful toys and laughing with unbridled joy.

my boys have again, reminded me that they know how to behave in various situations. bear sets a wonderful example for his little brother, and lion follows closely. i feel so proud of my children and who they have become, and who they are growing to be. dear hubby says the kids are who they are because i am home with the all day every day, always teaching and guiding. it’s nice to hear his support, but who really knows why we are the way we are!

the boys played with the play-doh for about an hour before getting tired. then they played with it when the baby-sitter came!

happy saturday everyone!
see ya tomorrow!