bear & lion

here's a peek into the highs and woes of our life

to my bear :: happy 5th birthday

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BIRTHDAY WEEK!
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dear bear,

happy birthday, my sweet boy. 
today you turn five years old. that’s one whole handful of fingers!

what a wonderful year this is going to be for you.
you will become a stronger swimmer and turn into a fish at the cottage this summer. you will become a better bike rider. you will finish your first year of school. and, school has proven itself to be a wonderful place for you. there,  you have lots good friends 
your independence has soared and i am sure it will reach even mightier heights, now that you are 5.

i remember the day you were born very well. it was a day full of anticipation, excitement and love. your daddy and i had been waiting for you for a long time.
i remember being in the hospital and riding through the contractions. feeling the waves come over me, helping me push you into this world. finally, my midwife told me to reach down and i felt you there and i pulled you out of me and into my arms. 
there you were. our beautiful bear. daddy had the biggest and silliest smile on his face; you could see the pride he felt for his little family shining from his heart. i was so overcome and overwhelmed with your arrival, that i just stared at you.
i did this a lot.

i am still often overwhelmed by you.
your kindness and gentle demeanour towards other people warms me.
your curiosity of the world in which we live, is awe-inspiring and surprising to me.
your ability to move your body with such strength and limberness, is always mind blowing to me. i love to watch you climb things, as i stand back and admire your courage and trust in your body.

i am proud to be your mama.
i am excited to see where this new year will take you, what you will learn and what will be a struggle. but, i am most excited to be by your side as we meet new adventures as a family and explore new horizons together.

i will always be here to hold your hand in moments of apprehension, to catch you in times of weakness and i will always help you back to health. i will care and love you, because that comes so easily to me. 

happy birthday my love. paljon onnea rakkain.

this year is going to full of magic!

love, äiti


xo, mama lola

bear’s birthday party!

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WELCOME TO BIRTHDAY WEEK!

on sunday, my bear had a birthday party for his 5th birthday. he insisted that no adults were allowed except for dear hubby and myself, and all four grandparents. so that’s what we did, a drop off party. i was a little nervous and skeptical that it would work, but another mum had recommended it and since bear really wanted to do it, i figured why not.


the party was short, two hours. the plan was to let the guests trickle in, but they all arrived promptly at 11am! that meant party time! the kids played, while i made some fruit kabobs and cream cheese wraps. then dear hubby had them play a few rounds of pin the tail on the donkey, then it was lunch time, and then cake time!


after devouring the carrot cake the kids played again for a bit, and then it was present time! and then, again the parents arrived promptly and the party was over! for any parent considering hosting a drop off party… DO IT! for us as hosts, it was easier as we didn’t have to feed as many people, and i wasn’t trying to catch up with a friend while trying to organize the kids as well. i actually had several opportunities to sit and chat with my folks, drink coffee and just watch as the kids played. We did look into bouncy castle hire with the intention of having some inflatables as we knew the kids would love this, but we decided that it wouldn’t be safe having one at a drop off party. It would be too much pressure for me and the hubby to make sure all the kids were safe on the inflatables and still manage everthing else we had to do for the party.
the kids themselves were so well behaved. there was no fighting, no shenanigans of any kind; they followed directions, ate nicely, chatted amongst themselves and were super adorable, quite frankly!


we made an amazing cake that i will post about in another entry. and, i will share what we did for loot bags this year in another post.

THIS IS BIRTHDAY WEEK!
bear is turning five on valentine’s day and i’m building up to my letter that i wrote to him for this special occasion.

xo, mama lola

new glasses!

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i love this kid when he’s trying on glasses. he chooses a new pair from the display, admires himself in the mirror and then gives me one of these huge ridiculous smiles. he really has an inner diva or something! ha! 
since he’s turning five this week, we decided it was time to upgrade from his old frames to something a bit more funky! he got his old frames when he was barely three!


at his last eye exam, a couple of weeks ago we got the good news that bear doesn’t have to wear his patch any more and that his right eye, which was significantly weaker seemed to be doing really well!  i am so relieved about the patch thing, because forcing him to wear it was becoming a fight and one that i was quite frankly tired of fighting. one to hours of a focused activity after school was pretty much an impossibility. and, it’s kinda nice to have one less thing to worry about, although it looks lion may have the same muscular issue with his right eye. gotta make an appointment for him soon!

we haven’t actually purchased any new frames, as bear wanted to try on ones that they had to special order for him. maybe this week, maybe next, he’ll finally have his new specs!

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we are still recovering from bear’s fabulous birthday party on sunday. i will be sharing some of the party treats, foods and things that we made in an upcoming post, so check back! 

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!

xo, mama lola

lovely valentine’s day card crafts!

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kids love to hand-out valentine’s day cards to each other at school. we were even sent home a list of all of the student’s in bear’s class to ensure that no kid is left out, i suppose. 

here are eight super cute, super easy cards you can make with the kids for valentine’s day. i find my kids love to be involved and even my lion who is only 2.5 years old, can easily participate in the creation of these cards.

: SOURCES :
1. olive you card from better homes and gardens.
2. fly away with me from life in wonderland
3. hearts in a jar from hooray hurrah
4. i’m glad you’re in my school from simple organized living
5. have a “dino”mite valentine’s day from life in wonderland
6. i love you from my kids guide
7. would you like a lollipop? from the matthews family blog.
8. some bunny loves you from so crafty on squidoo

let me know which one you decided on!

xo, mama lola

television: we all love to hate it!

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whether or not to let the kids watch tv, that was one of the questions we tackled when our first wee one was our only wee-wee one. we haven’t had cable in many, many years and when bear was a baby we had a tiny tv, which was perfect for all those friends reruns we could watch thanks to our powerful rabbit ears! we never let bear watch tv or encouraged it, for that matter.

[ we had just moved into our house, everything was still chaotic. ]
[ i used to plonk lion with bear to watch tv, so i could vacuum a room quickly.
not that i condone babies watching tv.]


it wasn’t until i was looking and feeling like a beached whale during my pregnancy with lion, that i really started to let 2.5 year old bear watch stuff. i needed the break, he had given up napping and so i would put on treehouse on my laptop, so that i could sit and nod off for a few z’s. he loved “toopy & binoo” and would eventually fall asleep watching those guys. we then go into the habit of getting DVD’s from the library, which introduced us to a whole new world of shows and characters. it worked well for us. as parents we held on tight to the control of what and when and how much he would watch.

Even though we hadn’t had cable in years, I do sometimes wish that we could’ve provided bear with more choice of things to watch. And, seeing as Nickelodeon had 611 thousand viewers in 2019, according to these favourite tv show statistics, it would’ve opened his eyes to more wonders and imaginations. But, he seemed to enjoy what was already in front of him so we just decided to continue with it.

that was the summer bear became obsessed with “bob the builder”. i actually think it’s one of the better kids shows. our kids are not allowed to watch a few of the popular shows, like “caillou”. he’s a brat and rude to his mother, no thanks! and “max and ruby” where the boy always comes in and saves the day and rescues the girl. no thanks! and, don’t get me going on dora, who yells so much or thomas who uses language that I don’t believe is acceptable for wee ears. then there are the shows that my kids just wont watch, because they are still too scary!

[ bear asleep in front of the laptop, as usual, watching something. ]


I am fully aware of how much screen time bear and lion take in. some weeks they watch a handful of hours, other weeks way too much. but, I have to let it go and not feel too guilty, because on those weeks that i let them watch more, I am probably sick and looking for an easy break!

For us, the biggest concerns surrounding television watching has been the advertising. There is so much advertising directed at kids out there, that by removing commercial television from our home, we felt we were protecting our kids and ourselves. Of course, there’s much less chance of advertisements online with streaming services in canada which is why they’re sometimes better than cable televison. Not only are they cheaper, there is also much more selection, especially for kids. Due to our decision to avoid cable television, our kids have never asked for a toy, because they were never enticed by the visions of colourful commercials. they have never asked to go to certain fastfood restaurants, like mc donalds, who are some of the biggest offenders of directing advertising at kids! (in fact, our kids have no idea mc donald’s even exists, they’ve never been there!)

[ there’s lion with his buddy watching television. this kid NEVER falls asleep watching a show! ]


last fall, we purchased a big ol’ shiny flat screen that hangs on the wall and the kids watch netflix on it. i felt like i had given into mainstream pressures of keeping up with the jones’ and initially felt quite uncomfortable with the huge screen in our living room. but, i got over it! i brought perspective into my life again, reminding myself that the kids are watching commercial free shows, and we as the parents, control what they watch and when. So, it’s not like they have free rein over what they watch and when. Although, they like to think they do. But with every person who binge-watches a boxset, the inevitable is always bound to happen – running out of things to watch. Luckily, our friends have pointed us in the direction of a company like Humax Direct to see if we can find a TV service that’s right for us. They’ve recently bought a YouView box from there, and they’ve said it’s the best thing they’ve ever done because there are so many programs, both for kids and adults to watch, without ever running out of choice. And with our new flat screen tv, this could come in good use. But we’re still weighing up the pros and cons. We have to think about our children’s watching habits after all.

the kids are only allowed to watch tv in the afternoons, after nap or after school depending on the day. sometimes on the weekends we will have a family movie night and watch a movie after dinner. the kids are not permitted to watch anything in the mornings, especially before school or before bed. it just works for us to keep things consistent and regimented. plus, the more time the kids spend in front of the tv, the less time they are interacting with each other or with us. and that human interaction really is so important for kids.

but, as technology changes, so do our rules around screen time. i am curious what other parents do, especially now that kids have their own computers, have access to ipads or other tablets, play games on their parents smart phones or just want to sit back and watch a show on tv. what are your limits in your home?

happy tv watching!

xo, mama lola

my room. my quiet.

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i had to set up some strict rules for this weekend. as you may know, i was super sick last week and eventually on thursday i went to my doctor who confirmed my fears, yes it’s a sinus infection. we were supposed to see my folks this weekend, but my mom told me i had to stay home, in bed and rest. i laughed and told her my family wasn’t going to let me sleep and rest, even though that’s what i needed. she told to be firm and just do it. so i tried it.


saturday morning i slept in until about 9am. slowly made my way downstairs, had a coffee, took my killer antibiotic, watched as the guys got dressed and left the house with the promise of not returning until lunch. so, i had a hot shower and then crawled back into my bed with a book. 

i read my book. the house was quiet. the house was still. 
i soaked it all in feeling content. and proud.
proud that i had stood up for myself.

asking for time for myself is hard. even when i am sick. i remember when i was recovering from my tumour surgery, how guilty i felt for asking for help, for wanting to sleep, for feeling unwell and so i never spoke up for myself the way i should have. now, with hindsight in my pocket i feel embarrassed for not meeting my own needs and trying to minimize the hugeness of the surgery. but, that’s what i do. i never give importance, or time or value to things related to my life. i brush things away easily, so as not to worry other people out or hurt their feelings. 


but, i am changing all of that now. i deserve to be taken care of as well, just like my dear hubby and the kids do when they are feeling sick. i deserve to sleep, to not have to make every single meal, to have some peace and quiet. i have to realize that my family is not the type who just recognizes my needs; i have to explicitly ask for what i need, in a very demanding kind of way. and, that’s ok. and, maybe if i do it enough one day the guys will recognize that i need some recovery time and will provide that for me, without me having to ask. 
or not.


hope you were able to find peace in your weekend.

xo, mama lola

my foggy week.

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i am the mom. that means if i get sick, i don’t get time off and things still have to happen around the house. i still have to do the groceries, make dinner, wipe the counters, vacuum  shuffle the kids around, all the while trying to keep my head somewhat clear.

this week i was sick. for days it felt as though my head was going to explode, like my left eye was going to pop out, like the teeth on the left side of my face were going to fall out and like i was never going to feel healthier. ever again. my head was so congested; a congested i had never experienced before.

on monday, i went grocery shopping with my lion. i spent over a hundred dollars on stuff, but i have no idea what i purchased. all week i have been scrambling to make dinner, as the ingredients i bought have not really come together in any sort of meal. i also bought moldy cheese, that was disappointing! but, that’s how thick the fog has been in my head.

i tried taking various pills and cocktails of medicines to clear the fog, to dull the pain and take away the constant throb in my head, but nothing really helped. i rinsed my sinuses with my netti pot, only to be frightened by the sight of the junk that was coming out of head (i will spare you the details). 

as the week progressed, the fog just got worse, as did the pain. on wednesday, i curled into bed at 5:30pm a minute after dear hubby walked in the door and could take over dinner with the boys. i lay in bed feeling completely sorry for myself, worrying about all the things that did not need my attention at that time. i did eventually fall asleep for a little while. after the kids were asleep in their beds, i made my way downstairs, almost in tears. dear hubby made me tea and held me and let me feel sorry for myself. at 9pm that night i realized i had not eaten anything that day, so dear hubby made me a little snack. when i’m the one who is sick, my self care is obviously not my number one priority, my family and their needs remains my top priority; that’s wrong!

one day after bear’s swimming lessons, i was so foggy in my head, i tried to get into someone else’s car with the kids… AS THE FAMILY WAS PILING IN ON THE OTHER SIDE! no wonder the key didn’t work!

on thursday, i finally made an appointment with our family doctor who confirmed that i had a sinus infection and the pains i was feeling were completely expected. she said she would give a prescription for antibiotics, since i’d been sick for so long, but that the side effects would probably be pretty harsh. as in a week long belly ache, among other things. great!

[ kids working on cards for grandpa’s birthday, this week. ]


now, it is now friday morning, and i am relieved the weekend is here. it means dear hubby will be around to help with the kids, maybe i’ll be able to squeeze in a nap, maybe get some laundry folded, maybe i will finally start to feel better. maybe this fog that has been confusing the pants off of me for days will finally start to clear.


xo, mama lola

frida kahlo was a phenomenal woman.

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the other week i had a special date with my dad. we went to the art gallery to see the frida kahlo and diego rivera exhibit. 
it was stunning. 
just breathtaking.

frida lived such an incredible life, one which she documented so beautifully through her art. her life was vibrant and bold full of tragedies, love, lust; full of political and emotional turmoil and a love for her homeland of mexico unlike anything else. 

when i was eighteen i went to mexico with my mom. we travelled around the country, never staying in a resort, but instead immersing ourselves into the culture. it helped that we had friends there who took us in and took us around. but, we did travel on our own as well, seeing all sorts of beautiful sights: mayan pyramids, beaches of glorious white sand where we were the only tourists. 

in mexico city we saw some diego rivera’s famous mural’s at the presidential palace. they were huge and astounding! his magic with murals is jaw dropping and mind boggling! 

we also visited the famous house that frida and diego shared, la casa azul, the blue house. their love of history, bold colours, textures and art were all on display in this fascinating house. what a treat to see this place!


at the art gallery of ontario you are not allowed to take pictures of some of the art, something about copyright laws or something. i don’t really understand as when we were at MOMA in NYC, we took pictures of the big hits by van gogh, picasso, monet and other’s.


check out my handsome date!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!

xo, mama lola

my new [zen] journey.

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mothering, parenting, fathering, caring whatever you call it, whatever it looks like to you, is tough stuff!



i’ve been quite open about my constant, internal battles as a mama. i’ve shared my struggles with the ever present weight of my own mother’s guilt, my feelings of total and complete inadequacy, my ever present worries about not being enough to my kids and then there’s the whole regrets boat that i’ve jumped aboard!


but this year, 2013, was or i mean is going to be one of change for me. things have already shifted, but to make big changes, one has to be patient and that’s where i’m at. you can read more about my new year’s resolutions HERE and my soul searching thoughts HERE.

a friend of mine recommended a fantastic book after reading one of my recent new year posts. it’s by karen maezen miller and it’s called Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood. check out her blog HERE. (and, WOW mamaA, talk about being exactly what i need right now.)

this book is hitting all of my struggles bang on. BANG ON. karen describes the yes common, but the deeply personal pains it takes to be a mama. the way all of our pre-existing boundaries and expectations are being pushed and twisted and morphed into something unexpected and unknown. the way us mother’s are placed on opposing sides of this mamahood thing just by the philosophy we choose to follow, creating negative competition when we should be supporting each other. the way, even after newborns grow into infancy and infants into toddlers, our role and job as a mother never goes away, there is no option to quit.

it’s the kind of book i should have purchased for myself, because all i want to do is sit there with a highlighter and mark the things i feel are true to me. 

who can’t relate to this:

“Exhaustion made me brittle. A silent rage billowed and foamed against the sudden loss of everything mine- my body, my time, my space and, my life. “

“… but where exactly does this thing called a mistake take place? Only in our mind- our judging, critical, labelling mind. The mind that provides the nonstop narrative to our lives: “There you go again. Can’t get it right. You’ll never do it. Big mistake.”


i am not a religious person, but i did relate to the spiritual aspect of this book. i should mention that karen is a zen teacher. she has studied buddhism and meditation, and shares those teachings in this book. the calm, wise words she speaks are very profound. the clarity with which  i read this book, says to me that my struggles that attribute to my children and my mothering are not really about either of those things. 
my struggles come from within me. 
they are about me and nobody else.

and that’s why, like i’ve written before, i am on a mission to introduce more self care into my life. take time for myself and slowly make myself a priority in my life and my family’s life. 

i highly, highly recommend this book to all mother’s (and father’s or caregivers). the advice and knowledge karen shares is relevant, practical and given in such unpatronizing way that it is easy to hear. this is a book for parents in all stages of their journey. i will now have to hit the local bookstore and buy my own copy so i can highlight the bits that spoke most to me.



*the pictures are of tulips given to me by a dear old friend who came to visit. they brought such life and positive energy into our daily drudgery! thanks, hon!






xo, mama lola
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